Are there any laws on verbal abuse?
Q. Hello there, What is your view on verbal abuse? I was having a drink with a kinda newish 'friend' (a friend of my estranged brothers - who are both violent narcissists but no-one knows my past with them) and he suddenly turned the subject into...
A. 30 May 2019: I wasn't going to bother dipping into this one again as the other aunts and uncles seem to have it covered pretty well, including some anonymous posters. However, I just had to state that I find it very sad that someone can liken this heated ... (read in full...)
What are some Acts of Service that don't involve a ton of chores or cleaning?
Q. My husband's love language is Acts of Service. He's an ambitious man with a high stress job, and has to bring work home a couple nights as week. I try to use this time to do some of his/our chores so he doesn't have to do them. I also like to make ...
A. 30 May 2019: How about learning to give him a stress relieving massage (and no, that isn't a euphemism, ha ha!). When someone is stressed mentally, it tends to filter down into their body, most specifically their muscles, and make the whole body tense.
Those... (read in full...)
I know my ex still loves me but this isn't going to go anywhere
Q. long story short Friend of many years became boyfriend. Broke up citing family not agreeing for marriage on his side. At first i thought we are maintaining friendship while he called once in a while. But now it seems like he finds reasons to keep ...
A. 28 May 2019: You may THINK you have stopped loving him but feelings can't just be turned on and off like a switch. You KNOW you still love him, which is why you are clinging to the daily contact and "vibes" from him. Yes, there may be a little bit of "weakness" ... (read in full...)
Can two women have professional chemistry?
Q. This is party a follow up question. I made a post a couple of weeks ago about a female client who I thought was flirting with me. I’m rubbish at working this stuff out so needed advice! I’ve just announced that I’m leaving my job so I called h...
A. 28 May 2019: I've never heard the term before but, as soon as I read it, I knew what was meant. It happens when two (or more) personalities connect AT WORK LEVEL. I feel this connection with my current assistant at work as she is always willing and helpful, ... (read in full...)
Are there any laws on verbal abuse?
Q. Hello there, What is your view on verbal abuse? I was having a drink with a kinda newish 'friend' (a friend of my estranged brothers - who are both violent narcissists but no-one knows my past with them) and he suddenly turned the subject into...
A. 27 May 2019: There are many things which have changed for the better over the years (such as attitudes towards men feeling free to grope women whenever they choose). However, one of the things which I personally feel is almost a step backwards is the way people ... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 27 May 2019: So you are not ruling out the possibility of having sex, which you have already jokingly discussed, but you are still planning on meeting with him? Let's not split hairs here: you ARE planning on having sex. There is no way you are going to meet ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 27 May 2019: I'd like to throw a different light on this. Bear with me because it comes from my own experience, as I will share later. Unlike some of the uncles and aunts, I am going to give this man the benefit of the doubt, in the absence of any EVIDENCE to ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time, should I break up with him?
Q. Okay, so im 26 yr old female. No kids. Living on my own. I am disabled so i get about 700$ a month to pay all my bills rent and food. It is very hard to live on that amount per month bc the rent and utility bills alone are that each month. Anyways, ...
A. 26 May 2019: I have so many questions.
Is this post for real?
Are YOU for real?
What do you get out of this situation (I am not going to dignify it by calling is a relationship)?
Are you being intimidated/bullied by him? Are you scared of him?
... (read in full...)
Something is not right in this relationship with my older boyfriend
Q. Hi aunt's. I recently came back from a 3 month vacation and have been indoors and kind of claustrophobic. I live with my current bf and we've been together for a little over a year now. I saw him dressing up today and asked him where he was going ...
A. 25 May 2019: Not sure what your boyfriend's ex's age has to do with him not wanting to hurt her feelings, unless you were trying to say that, at her age she should not be so sensitive? Problem is, age is irrelevant to whether someone is sensitive or not.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...
A. 24 May 2019: Please don't take this the wrong way but you are not in LOVE, you are in LUST. You are not thinking with what is between your ears but with what is between your legs. You are so hung up on this girl because this is your first relationship. If you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend goes too quickly during sex. How do I talk to him about it?
Q. I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this without him saying i dont like out s*x life or making him feel bad. I love what wr have but he tends to finish too quickly, 2 days ago it was probably 30 seconds, and it has happened before but it ...
A. 22 May 2019: I can't decide whether your boyfriend is just ignorant of women's sexual needs or a selfish lazy lover, or a bit of both. Whichever, he needs to realize you are NOT happy and, with time, you will go off sex and will realize you can do better.
... (read in full...)
I broke it off ... so how come he hasn't unfriended me on facebook?
Q. Hi, i need some advise. I broke up with my LDR bf of 3 months ,this weekend sent him message on facebook that i want to break up with him and he just said he respect ny decision. But he never unfriend or even blocked me on facebook. Why you think ...
A. 22 May 2019: Well, nobody can be certain of this but a few possibilities come to mind (and I suspect none of them are the answer you are looking for):
- The LDR didn't mean anything to him in the grander scheme of things. If it had, he would have fought t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at and approaches other women, it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to ...
A. 21 May 2019: You throw around words like "depressed" and "abusive" but, really, this is something which is completely in your power to sort - by walking away. His behaviour is not abusive; it is disrespectful, immature, pathetic, any number of other terms. Just ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with people who ignore other's worries while making theirs sound worse than they are
Q. How do you all deal with people who like to make a mountain out of their molehill and when they encounter people who have actually overcome a mountain they act uncomfortable or belittle that person's experience? It's so upsetting to have a serious ...
A. 20 May 2019: You deal with it by counting your blessings, such as they are, and by acknowledging that everyone is different, nobody can take on the worries of the world and you are in no position to judge how important their "little" problem is to THEM. It's not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at and approaches other women, it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to ...
A. 20 May 2019: Women (in general) need to feel loved to want sex. Your boyfriend's behaviour does not make you feel loved, hence your reluctance to have sex with him. As your resentment builds up, so your wish to share sex with him will drop.
If he cannot e... (read in full...)
My partner avoids me, but says there is nothing wrong.
Q. Hi people I really need some advice I’ve been with my partner for 6 years we have a 4 year old daughter I have a son from a previous relationship we’ve been having problems this last year I caught him watching porn which normally would not of ...
A. 19 May 2019: Next time he says "everything's good" you need to say "well, it isn't good for ME".
You are being very passive about all this. You ASK him to come back to bed. You ASK him if anything is bothering him. Is it because you are worried about losing h... (read in full...)
My boyfriend goes out drinking every weekend and our relationship is devoid of intimacy, emotional and physical contact
Q. I am feeling sad because my boyfriend has just gone out to the pub and told me he isn't getting drunk, but he will be getting drunk tomorrow night. We've been together for 2 years. I am sad because this is becoming a pattern. He gets to the weekend ...
A. 19 May 2019: Sweetheart, what are you actually getting out of this relationship? You say it makes you feed sad, tired and rejected (all your words). You don't say one GOOD or POSITIVE thing about it.
Reading between the lines, you are simply a housekee... (read in full...)
Why are men so cruel? Is that the way of the world?
Q. I’ve asked for help in the past and am very grateful. Which is why i’m Asking again. As I need to process something clearly. I am 44 years old. Divorced twice ( arranged marriage in Asia and an alcoholic husband in the UK). I have worked all ...
A. 18 May 2019: It's all very well deciding you will only date men who have no children but you also need to discover, quite early in the relationship, whether they have no children out of CHOICE, and NEVER want any, or whether they are still HOPING to have some. ... (read in full...)
Why would my partner text to his ex "there is nothing here" regarding our relationship
Q. Hi, me and my partner have been together 10 years his previous partner he was with for 15 years. I was looking at his messages and found a message where he stated to her that there is nothing here for him and I have questioned him on this but so far ...
A. 18 May 2019: I have a few questions of my own.
What were you doing checking his phone messages?
What is your relationship like? Have you got into a rut?
I can't think of any reason why someone would say something like that about their relationship... (read in full...)
Passing ships in the night but I can't get him out of my head
Q. Help. I don't think I'm gonna hear from this guy again. I really fell for this lad on my adult training course. He's a bit younger than myself, but we sat together and flirted a lot and even caught each other staring at each other from time to time, ...
A. 18 May 2019: Sweetheart, there is no such thing as "didn't get time to exchange details or arrange to see each other again". If there had really been something there (apart from a bit of flirting to help pass the time), one or both of you would have made a point ... (read in full...)
How do I get stronger? Ex cheated on me I ended things
Q. So I found out my ex cheated on me this Monday. We had a lot of problems throughout our relationship, so many that I lose count. We had an argument last Thursday he was bottling up a lot inside it turned out he didn’t like I was friends with my ex, ...
A. 18 May 2019: I doubt hanging onto him as a friend and acting as his mentor is going to help YOU. You already understand what went on and that it was down to HIM, not you; why do you need to hang around and help him work it out? Why do you see him as your ... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 18 May 2019: How about you ask your husband and kids that question, while he asks his wife and kids?
Cheating is NEVER the answer. Either work on your marriages or end them. I bet you were both far less unhappy in your marriages before you reconnected and star... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 18 May 2019: It's pointless asking others for their experiences as everyone's childhood is different. For instance, my brother and I were raised almost solely by my mum for the first few years as dad used to work long hours and we only saw him at week-ends or ... (read in full...)
What would you do with a partner like mine?
Q. Hi I’ve been with my partner now for 5 years and I honestly don’t know how I have put up with it for so long he puts everyone before me if someone rings him to do summat such as painting or anything like that he’s there I ask him he does it months ...
A. 17 May 2019: "I feel like my partner is just taking the piss out of me"
You feel that for good reason. He is acting like a single man, doing his own thing but expecting you to provide the home comforts. I am sure you have already worked out you would be bette... (read in full...)
Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?
Q. Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...
A. 17 May 2019: I would love to know what your question is REALLY about. Are you jealous of your partner's history with the ex? Are you worried your partner STILL doesn't know what love is and will decide, at some point, he doesn't really love you either? Is this ... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to go back with his former ex!
Q. My ex and I split up 3 months ago. We have 2 children together that he still sees regular;y. I didnt want to split and I still love him but we argued too much and our relationship became so toxic it had to end. But now his ex-fiance, who h...
A. 16 May 2019: Just because you had a relationship with him does not mean you have any claim over him now you have split up. You two will always have a connection through the lovely children you created together; however, that does not mean you have any right to ... (read in full...)
I can't get over him, we had sex once but he has a girlfriend
Q. A year ago I fell in love with someone who had a girlfriend. After months of building sexual tension, we had sex once, after which he told his girlfriend. She told him never to contact me again. For a few months he didn't, then he got back in touch. ...
A. 16 May 2019: Sweetheart, open your eyes. The man is a cheat. Pure and simple. He cheated on his girlfriend with you and, if you were to become a couple, he would cheat on YOU with someone else. Do you not wish for better for yourself?
You have been strong s... (read in full...)
Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...
A. 15 May 2019: Sweetheart, he is your boyfriend. He is not your doctor, your therapist or your carer. Don't force him into a role he is not qualified to fill otherwise he will grow to resent you for it.
So you suffer from anxiety. You need to get professi... (read in full...)
How do I deal with his mind games?
Q. Hi guys, I've recently ended my 7 year marriage due to my husband being emotionally abusive towards me (constantly asking me where I've been, who I've been with, telling me how I should feel, gaslighting me, not letting me go to sleep until I've...
A. 15 May 2019: First of all, well done for breaking free. That can't have been easy but you were strong enough to do it. Keep reminding yourself how strong you have been and know you can continue being strong, despite how weary you must feel sometimes and how ... (read in full...)
Did I lose a friend? I'm feeling sad and hurt
Q. I know this is long, but I hope someone takes the time, I really need some advise. I am a 48 year old single mom. I work a lot and don’t have much of a social life, but I do have a few good friends and I get out when I can. Since one of my children ...
A. 15 May 2019: Sweetheart, friendship is a TWO WAY street, or at least it SHOULD be. This relationship you have with this guy is totally one-sided - he calls all the shots.
You appear to have a very strong maternal streak but that does not mean everyone... (read in full...)
I have feelings for the old flame who's come back into my life but I have a really great boyfriend now. What do I do?
Q. I’ve been dating a guy for the last 6 months and things have been going reasonably well between us. He is a really great guy and he is really good to me. He is thoughtful, supportive and everyone I know thinks he is really great. I really like him ...
A. 14 May 2019: So basically you want to keep your boyfriend on a back burner in case things don't work out with the other guy? That's a tad unfair, don't you think? Does he not deserve better than being your "plan B"?
Your boyfriend sounds like a lovely g... (read in full...)
Does my girlfriend deserve a second chance because she didn't 'go all the way'?
Q. I can’t forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me even though she didn’t ‘go all the way’ with the other guy. I’ve told her what she did was unforgivable but my friends and family all think she deserves a second chance and that I’m being too harsh on ...
A. 13 May 2019: Your friends and family are not the ones who have to get over this and decide whether they can move past it; YOU are. Tell them that they have no right to make this decision for you, nor to pressure you into taking back your ex. YOU are the only one ... (read in full...)
Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?
Q. I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...
A. 12 May 2019: So he said he loved you? Sweetheart, never listen to what someone says; rather, watch what they DO. ACTIONS speak volumes while words are cheap.
He was TELLING you he loved you but his actions did not support his words. How do you know he was n... (read in full...)
He hasn’t told a soul about his relationship with me and it bothers me. It’s all about respect, or is it?
Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 9 months off and on. We’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want anything serious because I’m going through a divorce (been legally separated for 2 years). Anyway, I’d kind of describe our relationship as slightly ...
A. 12 May 2019: Firstly, have YOU told all YOUR friends and family about HIM and, if so, what have you told them exactly? There's this guy I hook up with occasionally to scratch an itch?
Secondly, do you know for sure he doesn't have other "friends" he hooks up... (read in full...)
How do you deal with getting older and society treating you like you are invisible?
Q. Just looking for a little advice on how to deal with getting older as anwoman and losing looks and it seems visibility in society . Some seem to say enjoy the invisibility but I find it heartbreaking when I’m basically ignored say in a store for a ...
A. 12 May 2019: How do we deal with this? By accepting it for what it is and not taking it personally.
I think back to when I was in my late teens and 20s. I remember being admired simply because I was young, slim and tall. I was never particularly attracti... (read in full...)
I try to be understanding but am I being a fool here?
Q. Last August I matched with a guy on Tinder. I’ve been legally separated and this was my first venture into online dating. My ex is a narcissist, so it’s taken me awhile to work on my self esteem and confidence enough to put myself back out there. ...
A. 12 May 2019: Firstly, well done for being brave enough to "put yourself out there" again. I can totally empathize with how frightening this can be.
Re the vasectomy situation: I can see both sides of this. Perhaps he had opportunity to mention it but, giv... (read in full...)
Should I reconnect with an old lesbian teacher?
Q. When I was at school, there was an out teacher. We got on well but I haven't spoken to her since I left, I was 16 then but I haven't seen her since. I felt that we had a good friendship at the time however it has been 5 years since I left. I don't ...
A. 12 May 2019: I think you need to be clear WHY you are looking to reconnect with this lady. What would your purpose be in reaching out to your ex teacher? Are you wanting a friend? Are you looking for a mentor? Are you looking for a closer relationship? Just ... (read in full...)
I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband
Q. I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...
A. 11 May 2019: While I would not normally think a spouse should necessarily be told of a betrayal, this situation is slightly different in that there could be a very real possibility of your husband finding out REGARDLESS of whether you tell him. As others have ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 11 May 2019: I am so sorry to hear about your bereavement and can understand WHY you were so easily deceived by this "friend" when you were at your most vulnerable. That said, you should have opened your eyes by now and realized you are not in a good situation. ... (read in full...)
Is he backing off to give me space to deal with father's illness or backing away completely?
Q. I met a guy 6 weeks ago and it was a bit of a wonderful whirlwind, he was very keen and just pretty damn perfect from the get go but things are now starting to feel different. About a month before we met my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and things a...
A. 9 May 2019: My feeling on this is that he is using his own sad past experience to try to help you in the only way he knows how. He knows that, when we lose someone we love, guilt is part of the grieving process and that, if you divert time away from your dad to ... (read in full...)
I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.
Q. Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...
A. 9 May 2019: You sound like a fairly grounded sensible person, so you must realize that his acceptance of you is TOTALLY conditional on you behaving yourself, putting out whenever and however he wants, and not making waves for him in the life which is important ... (read in full...)
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