Help with two friendship situations please
Q. Dear all, I have two recurring situations and I seek your advice on it. I’m very sensitive to who are around me as friends and acquaintances, people who I think have questionable behavior or ethics (mean, rude, dismissive, arrogant, poor m...
A. 18 December 2019: I can see why you would say that you are being given conflicting advice. However, you have to remember this is a forum consisting of many individual aunts and uncles who are happy to try to advise. Their advice is not necessarily right for you. ... (read in full...)
Co worker was upset I didnt take her advice on a matter.
Q. This lady I work with who said she's attracted to me got upset today after I didn't take her advice on a matter. I teased her about it respectfully and she told me she was mad right after and said 'no one here listens to me'. I told her she was ...
A. 18 December 2019: If that is how she reacts because you didn't take her advice on something, imagine how she will be with you if you go ahead and have a relationship and then things fall apart. How uncomfortable do you think it will be working with her?
There... (read in full...)
Do I tell my boyfriend that while we were split up I slept with someone else?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend for a few weeks and in that time I slept with someone else, we have since got back together but should I tell him?...
A. 17 December 2019: For what purpose? How do you think that will help your relationship?
Unless he is likely to find out, I would forget about it and not say anything. You were not together at the time but he might take it badly anyway.
The only reason I can see... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship and managed to come out the other side with minimal external support
Q. Hi Aunts I just wondered if anybody had ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship and managed to come out the other side with minimal external support. After being in a relationship for many years and constantly going back and forth ...
A. 16 December 2019: It is always more difficult to forget how someone made you feel than it is what they did or said. When you feel yourself weakening, remember how he made you FEEL. That should help your resolve.
Stay strong. You can do this. You deserve so much ... (read in full...)
Caught my girlfriend chatting with a guy. Do I tell his girlfriend?
Q. Hi - caught my girlfriend chatting and exchanging racey pictures/conversations with another guy on Snapchat. We argued and talked it through. The guy also has a girlfriend and she doesnt know this has happened, should I tell his girlfriend? Thanks ...
A. 16 December 2019: Why? Will it make you feel any better? It's not the guy's girlfriend's fault. She is an innocent party caught up in this, just the same as you are. Do you just want her to hurt like you have? Trust me, it won't make you feel any better.
Attem... (read in full...)
How can I learn to live, accept and move on from her past life?
Q. I recently overheard things about my partner's past I wish I hadnt when she was talking with friends at a party. She is 33 and we have been together for over 9 years. Her past sex life was very promiscuous during uni. I have had only 4 sexual pa...
A. 16 December 2019: Her past is HER past. It is none of anyone else's business, including yours, unless it affects your health or well-being in some way.
If you have been with her 9 years, then you presumably love her. (I say "presumably" because you don't actually... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend won't come to see me for Christmas but will go see a friend whose father died
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. He lives 2 states away, about 8 hours per drive. We had a little spat a few weeks ago, and patched things up. However, because of this spat, he told me that he would not be coming home for Christmas. He said I ...
A. 16 December 2019: Maybe he is a better friend than boyfriend? Whether or not this is the case, he has to be commended for dropping everything and coming to visit his grieving friend. His friend will lose his father only once, while you two have (if things go well) ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex giving me mixed signals?
Q. My ex messaged me 3 times this month. Him and have not spoken in months. The first, “ he asked if I had any plans for my birthday” A few days later, “Just Happy Birthday” A few days later again he said, “ I hope your taking care of yoursel...
A. 16 December 2019: Quite obviously he is NOT "blocked on everything" if he is getting messages through to you. With all due respect, YOU appear to be the one who is sending mixed signals (possibly because you still hold out hope of some sort of a reconciliation).
... (read in full...)
If a man says degrading things to one woman or rapes a woman, do you think he thinks poorly of women in general?
Q. Before coming to college and then entering the “real world”, I never really encountered men who were rude, gross or overly forward with women. I guess they were all on their parents' leashes in high school. Anyway, I had one guy in particular text ...
A. 15 December 2019: We have to accept that, sadly, life is not always fair.
Let's hope if/when these guys have a daughter(s), their actions comes back to haunt them. ... (read in full...)
Friend's emails are confusing and making me wonder if he's asking questions for himself or my estranged husband
Q. Ok everyone, I have just recently left my husband. No communication or anything I just changed my number because he was being very horrible to me. In the past he would sometimes get a friend of his to email me for him as my husband cannot w...
A. 13 December 2019: Does it really matter? I think you did the right thing in refusing to reply to the emails in the first place. Just keep doing the same. He will eventually get bored. ... (read in full...)
My ex is at college with me and he comes up and tries to start arguments with me. How should I act?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, because we basically went through a lot of arguments the last couple of months. It's been a really stressful relationship and very toxic, and every time during a fight he would blame me for ...
A. 13 December 2019: No, you are NOT wrong. In fact, I think you are handling it admirably. I'm not sure I would have the patience in your position.
I wonder, would you have the courage to actually stand up to him and tell him to leave you alone? Each time he appro... (read in full...)
My date made a remark that I'm wondering if its a red flag
Q. I've been on a date with a man, he had never been on a date or a relationship before (he's 24), and we brought up a topic about exe's and cheating. I was turned off when he told me that "A man cheats because his girlfriend/wife isn't providing him ...
A. 13 December 2019: P.S. Just to elaborate on the "Bit rich coming from someone who had to wait until 24 to get a first date" comment: if he couldn't get a date for all those years, what makes him think he will be able to find someone with whom to have an affair?
... (read in full...)
My date made a remark that I'm wondering if its a red flag
Q. I've been on a date with a man, he had never been on a date or a relationship before (he's 24), and we brought up a topic about exe's and cheating. I was turned off when he told me that "A man cheats because his girlfriend/wife isn't providing him ...
A. 13 December 2019: If he voices that sort of opinion on a regular basis, then it's little surprise he hasn't been on a date or in a relationship at the age of 24. (Not knocking anyone else who hasn't had either at that age, as there can be various reasons but, in this ... (read in full...)
Do all older men think younger women are superior physically to older women .
Q. As I’ve gotten older my taste in what is attractive in men has changed and I find men my own age much more attractive than the younger men I dated in my youth . Quite a few of the men I have dated have mentioned how younger women are so good and ...
A. 13 December 2019: We live in a society which admires youth and beauty. You've only to look at adverts for absolutely anything and see the models they are using. Even when it comes to ourselves, we hark back to the days when we were younger - when we had no grey hair, ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married woman we had a spat and I fear things will never go back to how they were
Q. I am helplessly in love with a married woman. We were good friends for a long time and then, during the breakdown of my long-term relationship, I turned to her for support. There was no affair, but I was overly attentive, and she lapped it up. We ...
A. 12 December 2019: You "sort" this by acknowledging that she is NOT "everything you ever wanted". She is MARRIED. She has CHILDREN. Both are factors you told her would be deal breakers for you in a relationship.
Maybe she was holding out hope that you two could be... (read in full...)
Help with two friendship situations please
Q. Dear all, I have two recurring situations and I seek your advice on it. I’m very sensitive to who are around me as friends and acquaintances, people who I think have questionable behavior or ethics (mean, rude, dismissive, arrogant, poor m...
A. 11 December 2019: Wow, I read your post and thought "This is ME writing" - apart from the gay part (but that's not really relevant to your questions).
Like you, I resent being forced to spend time with people who don't enrich my life in some way or who irritate... (read in full...)
Please help me understand an abusive man's actions
Q. Would a man who has been abusive to a woman deny his abusive behaviour if the woman finally exposed him to other people and she told them what he has been doing to her and why she left him and then he make up other excuses as to why she left him? A...
A. 11 December 2019: Seriously?
Because the true story doesn't make him look good. Because abusers are often in denial about being responsible for their actions and try to put the blame onto the victim. (If you didn't do X/Y/Z, I wouldn't have to beat you.)
... (read in full...)
She moved on, married, had children, but I never got closure.
Q. I met a girl about a year after my divorce and it was a year after her divorce also. We both fell in love and dated each other for about four years. She wanted to get married and have children. I was afraid to get married, so we basically started ...
A. 10 December 2019: Perhaps it would help you to use this experience as a lesson and learn that it is never a good idea to just let things fade out. In future, end things properly. ... (read in full...)
Does every woman like oral sex?
Q. I was out with some male friends the other night and they all told me every woman they have slept with loved oral sex and had orgasms from it. I just admit I'm not a fan and never feel completely comfortable recieving oral. However I do like the ...
A. 10 December 2019: There's nothing "weird" about it. We are all different and our bodies all react differently to things. You are probably "unusual" (not weird) in that you can orgasm through penetration alone. Many would think you are very lucky.
Some women fi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I cheat on him. Will he get over this as time goes on?
Q. My bf gets upset easily and accuses me of being with other men. I went to a friends house and he got very upset and started saying I was with another man. Idk why he gets so jealous because I made it very clear he’s the only one I am interested in . ...
A. 9 December 2019: As others have already said, this will get worse over time. He will stop you seeing your friends and your family and isolate you completely. Then the abuse will start.
It's strange but true that people who accuse others of cheating are very oft... (read in full...)
Since the birth of the baby I'm just not interested in sex anyore.
Q. I had a baby nearly 5 months ago and have no sex drive. I've also recently been getting depo provera which is contraception injection. Its known to decrease sex drive I read but I've only just had my first one and was like this anyway before it. Not ...
A. 9 December 2019: As others have said, your first port of call needs to be your doctor to rule out any physical issues.
Does your partner do his share of looking after the baby or does he expect you to be responsible for this new life 24/7 but switch to being a ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why my daughter is attracted to an older guy with nothing going for him.
Q. my adult daughter is dating a guy that is lazy and unmotivated. he is almost 40 he only has an id no drivers license i want better for her and don't know how to talk to her. i don't understand....
A. 7 December 2019: He might not have a driver's licence for any number of reasons. I know someone who has tried for years to pass his driving test but simply goes to pieces when it comes to taking the test and fails it every time. I have a friend who works as a high ... (read in full...)
She moved on, married, had children, but I never got closure.
Q. I met a girl about a year after my divorce and it was a year after her divorce also. We both fell in love and dated each other for about four years. She wanted to get married and have children. I was afraid to get married, so we basically started ...
A. 7 December 2019: "If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it". Simple as. How long did you expect your ex to hang around waiting for you to commit to her? Despite 4 years of dating, you were still not prepared to commit. That told her you were probably never ... (read in full...)
My estranged husband is still trying to rule my life.
Q. My "estranged" husband is always trying to keep tabs on me and I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy. We are separated and no longer live together. We have a young child (under 10) who lives with me and will stay with him on the occasional w...
A. 4 December 2019: In your shoes, if you are sure you are not going to reconcile (sounds to me like you are sure!), I would start divorce proceedings. While you are still officially married, he holds out hope you will reconcile. Just make sure you keep yourself safe ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a married man, I believe he is attracted too and it creates undercurrents between us.
Q. I'm unhappy because I find myself attracted to a married man for the past few months. I much prefer my carefree life before I knew him. I got to know him through work and in the beginning I just looked upon him as just another man. Then he started ...
A. 4 December 2019: A wedding ring doesn't magically stop people feeling attraction towards others. What they choose to DO about that feeling is what defines their morals. This man (possibly) found himself attracted to you. However, he pulled back because he realized ... (read in full...)
Husband I intend divorcing had a mutual friend contact me for information.
Q. I’m writing this question for people’s views and it will help put my mind at rest. My husband lives in a different country from me, he has been quite abusive towards me in the past and I did everything for him. I also believe he is a narcissi...
A. 3 December 2019: Why does it matter to you what he thinks? As you have - quite rightly - said, he is your PAST. Don't look back; you are not going there.
Good luck in your future endeavours. ... (read in full...)
I'm having sex with my ex who is married to someone else.
Q. Hello everyone, so I'm in a situation that I've never been in one before. And I don't know where to start so I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible. I have a daughter that is 8 years old. Her father and I have been split up since...
A. 1 December 2019: Wow! Where to start?
Firstly, YOU are the adult in this situation. Your daughter cannot make decisions for you. You cannot get back with her father because SHE wants it, or have a baby because SHE wants it (not least because you cannot guarante... (read in full...)
I sent an email to a whole group instead of just the teacher.
Q. Hi Helping people. My issue is with school. A few weeks ago I asked to move a class a little earlier than usual as weren't going to have anything else on. I and some others wanted to finish early that day. 5 classmates thought we were going to...
A. 1 December 2019: I am puzzled. Why is this YOUR problem? Why are the teachers not getting to grips with this? ... (read in full...)
I cant stand up to my wife when it comes to money.
Q. I don't know how to stand up to my wife when it comes to money. She literally spends a fortune on things and activities we just don't need to do and no matter how much I try to put money away for a rainy day, we always end up with nothing at the end ...
A. 30 November 2019: Perhaps you should just leave her to it and lose the Disneyland holiday? When the deadline arrives for the money to be paid, ask her how SHE intends to sort it out, as she was so confident?
Harsh I know, but she is using you as a meal ticket a... (read in full...)
I don't want my MIL in the delivery room!
Q. I've been with my husband for over a decade, we've been married for 7 years and have one child so far and one on the way. Over the years, my mother in law has made several disrespectful comments about my mom and some of my other family members. She ...
A. 30 November 2019: Put your foot down NOW, well in advance, and tell your MIL that you only want your husband and your mother in the delivery room. Tell her she is, of course, very welcome to come and meet the baby once it has arrived but that, while you are in the ... (read in full...)
I think this girl was just using me!
Q. at work, a female joined and she seem quite friendly and we got to know each other. she wasn’t with the company for long as she was going back to college. when I messaged her to ask what course she was doing and if she might come back to work in the ...
A. 30 November 2019: You worked with her, became friendly, knew she was going back to college but didn't even ask what course she was doing? Or if she was coming back in the future? What sort of conversations did you have?
Not sure why you would consider she used you... (read in full...)
Married in haste, husband wont work or take care of family.
Q. I have been married for a little over a year. I feel like my marriage was a mistake because I my husband and I dated for two months because we married. We now have a baby together and things have just gotten worse for me. I have children from a ...
A. 30 November 2019: I don't know what you thought you saw in this feckless man to even consider marrying him after 2 months, let alone actually doing something so reckless. I mean, was he working back then? If not, why did you think things would change if/when you got ... (read in full...)
I've discovered my husband of 12 years has a fuck buddy in another state. I'm at a loss on how to deal with this.
Q. I just found out my husband has a fuck buddy in another state. Once every six months he is there for work. I saw a text from her while he was sleeping and he later confessed when I confronted him. I am in a state of shock and utter despair at the ...
A. 29 November 2019: I don't know about you but, for me, the fact it was "just sex" and "didn't mean anything" makes it even worse. The fact he risked your marriage, your happiness, your children's happiness and your sexual safety for "just sex" makes it seem (to me) ... (read in full...)
My ex sent me a fb friend request, I do think about her a lot, and how I could have treated her better.
Q. 1 year ago my girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 3 months after she moved far away for school. The main reasons she broke up with me, I think, were A) she decided she wanted to stay permanently and didn't want to take me away from my family, B) ...
A. 28 November 2019: Just because we miss them does not mean it will work second time around or that we should even try. Time apart has added a rosie glow to your relationship which was never there in the first place. You are glossing over the bad bits and only missing ... (read in full...)
Does a woman just have to suck it up when their husbands refuse to grow?
Q. I have been married for twenty years and at the time of marrying my husband he was never one to express his feelings much. At the time I had a couple of young children and we also went on to have more . Life was extremely busy and this met both our ...
A. 26 November 2019: I am quite a few years older than you and have had a number of long-term relationships. If there is one thing I have learned about men (and people in general really) it is that, if you want something, you have to be SPECIFIC. It is pointless saying ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps making comments that make me feel bad about myself.
Q. I've been dating a man for the last 3 months that has never been in a relationship before. He's 27 and has dated but never committed. We met through mutual friends and had a bit of a rough start in some areas but he was always receptive to listening ...
A. 26 November 2019: Come on sister, grow a backbone and give this 27-going-on-17 year old his marching orders. You've only been together 3 months and seem to have spent most of that time "fixing" your relationship. Is this how you want to live? This is supposed to be ... (read in full...)
I can't tell if its love or lust.
Q. I am a 25-year-old young pretty and successful female, for the last five years I can wholeheartedly say I think I’m in love with one of my friends. It all started one night at a mutual friends birthday party we got really drunk and made out. Ever ...
A. 25 November 2019: "I guess whatever’s meant to be will happen on its own." Really? When? In another 5 years? Another 10 years? How long are you prepared to wait? How much longer are you prepared to put your life on hold for this "non-relationship"?
You need to ... (read in full...)
My GF is not a virgin but want have sex with me until we marry.
Q. I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months . We have great chemistry but I have one issue. She don’t want to have sex until we marry. She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not ...
A. 25 November 2019: Wow! Just wow! Is this post for real? Are YOU for real?
Let her go. She doesn't deserve someone without a drop of empathy, someone who only thinks about his own sexual needs. If her only experience of "sex" was rape, why the hell would she want... (read in full...)
Rebound sex, should I go for it?
Q. Hi, I'm struggling to clearly explain this so for context here is a brief timeline 2008 - met my husband 2013 - married husband 2015 - started new training scheme - met load of people who became good friends and vague friends incl Alex 201...
A. 24 November 2019: Very risky. I will explain why.
Firstly, both parties need to be on the same page regarding what they expect from each other. If you were both newly separated and both just wanted a bit of "distraction sex", then it might have a better chance o... (read in full...)
Our friendship has got to the point I don't want to be her Maid of Honour.
Q. So I’ve been friends with this girl all my life. We lived quite close when we was younger so we spent all of our childhood together. We was inseparable best friends, however as time went on we drifted. We still spoke and still do now, just not as ...
A. 24 November 2019: When I read posts like this one, I find myself wondering what the other person would say if she posted. Do you think it might be something like "I promised my friend she would be my maid of honor but we are not really close any more and I worry that ... (read in full...)
How do I not offend people who are trying to help me?
Q. How do I not offend people who would like to help me? I will lose my job in two months – end of January. The firm I work for will go bankrupt due to some bad decisions my bosses have made, by their own admission. I will get a very small severan...
A. 23 November 2019: I wonder if you would feel comfortable explaining to them that your "passion" is for media work? You could start the conversation by thanking them for their offer of help and saying how much you appreciate it. Then say that you would prefer to stay ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to stop lying?
Q. Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say...
A. 23 November 2019: Do you give him a hard time if he tells you he's been out without you? Do you make him feel guilty for not taking you with him? Do you interrogate him if he goes out without you?
If you can truthfully answer all the above questions in the negative... (read in full...)
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