Why is my married boyfriend emotionally torturing me? He keeps leaving me and then coming back!
Q. Why would the married man I've been involved with keep leaving me and coming back? He left me in July and came back. He just left me again. He said he loves me and that's why he has to let me go. Cause he can't stand seeing me suffer cause I want ...
A. 14 September 2020: Me! Me! Ask me! I know the answer to this one!
1. Because you allow it.
2. Because he is a clever manipulator. If you ask for more than he is willing to give, he discards you for a while as punishment, to teach you your place, so that y... (read in full...)
Is my ex playing games with me?
Q. Me and my ex were together for 6 months, he is 5 years younger than me I'm 31 and he is 26. We live 2 hours drive apart,but we never let any of those factors affect the relationship. The only factor that did come into play at times, was covid didn't ...
A. 13 September 2020: If you managed to grow apart in 6 months, do you honestly think there is much chance of this relationship working out?
While your age difference isn't that big, you sound like you are at very different stages in your lives; he is still a boy, wan... (read in full...)
Why does he say weird things in the middle of sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two months. Just recently we started to get intimate. Last night was the second time we’ve had sex and I’m not sure if i should talk to him or if it’s just sex talk. Before having sex my boyfriend told me ...
A. 13 September 2020: Another post about the same guy saying strange things during sex? What answer are you looking for? What do you WANT to hear? ... (read in full...)
I’m having problems refusing invitations coming from people who either do not take the virus seriously or have their own biases on what is safe, usually justifying what suits them
Q. Hi uncles and aunts, I have recently come across a question on « how to say no » and read your great answers. Even though my question is similar, I would really need your help, because it is specific to this pandemic situation. I’m having pro...
A. 13 September 2020: Just my opinion but I think, in order to have respect from others, you must equally show respect for them. You can't "make them" respect you.
You are very condescending of your friends in your post, just because they do not believe in obeying ... (read in full...)
My husband get irritated with too many questions.
Q. My husband get irritated with too many questions. Most of my questions I ask are valid, I feel. Like driving home from town. We live in the country and he has lived here for 40 years and I have been married 5 years. I ask where neighbors land i...
A. 13 September 2020: This is definitely one of those posts where I would love to hear the other side of the story.
Is it (perhaps) that he feels you are always comparing him to others? Or perhaps he feels you are trying to make him feel inferior to others? Or that ... (read in full...)
Husband went to a dominatrix should I just let him do his thing?
Q. I found messages on my husbands phone from a dominatrix he been to see. He had told me that he to attend a training course but was actually with this dominatrix for 3 entire days. He claims not to have had sex but instead was dressed as a woman and ...
A. 8 September 2020: Sounds more like transvestite tendencies than domination. Many men, especially ones in high powered stressful jobs, find dressing in women's clothes relaxing and comforting. Can you bring yourself to allowing him to dress up indoors? ... (read in full...)
Husband went to a dominatrix should I just let him do his thing?
Q. I found messages on my husbands phone from a dominatrix he been to see. He had told me that he to attend a training course but was actually with this dominatrix for 3 entire days. He claims not to have had sex but instead was dressed as a woman and ...
A. 6 September 2020: I have little doubt that sex was NOT involved. Domination is not about sex; it is about humiliation and submissiveness. The general gist is that the "slave" is not worthy of his "mistress", so certainly not worthy of having sex with her.
I hav... (read in full...)
I want to both be with him and also be like him my crush of 12 years
Q. I've had a crush on a guy for about 12 years possibly 13. We went to school together and while we weren't exactly friends I had a tough time at school being bullied and he was always nice to me. We were in a lot of the same classes for a wh...
A. 6 September 2020: Ah, unrequited love. The best love of all. It never has to change, it never has to end. It is forever perfect, unspoiled and unsoiled by reality.
You met this guy when you were going through a particularly unpleasant period of your life and he w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become obsessed about his weight and is doing strange things
Q. I've been with my fiance for nearly 3 years but in total we've been a couple for 8 and a half years; since lockdown began he's become obsessed with his weight, and thinks he's obese (even though he isn't, he's muscular) and spends hours ordering ...
A. 6 September 2020: My heart goes out to your fiance. He is just another victim of this awful "pandemic".
Lockdown has had a profound effect on a lot of people. People with existing mental health issues have suffered the most. If your fiance had any insecuri... (read in full...)
Bf masturbated to his female friend, considering leaving him
Q. my bf of 6 months has a hot female friend that posts sexy fb photos everyday showing her body and posts flirty comments on my bf's profile. they have been friends for a decade, still go out from time to time and are still in touch. they have never ...
A. 3 September 2020: Whenever I read "but i love him", I resign myself to there being little hope of anything really changing. Despite his behaviour, you love him. Despite feeling hurt by his actions, you will find ways to tolerate it.
I do wonder how you know abo... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy or did I do the right thing?
Q. I graduated uni this year and am leaving town at the end of next week.. I dated a girl during second year of uni, and then it was going badly/she was being shady and flaky and talking to HER ex (she slept with him after we broke up, and also went on ...
A. 31 August 2020: I think you were perfectly honest with her and, if that hurt her feelings, well that's a shame but you can't be agreeing to stay in touch with people just so you don't hurt their feelings. You would have hurt her feelings more if you had built up ... (read in full...)
Should I just cut this guy from my life?
Q. should I just cut this guy from my life? I really don't want to but have a feeling I should for my own good. So I'm completely in love with this guy. We were school lovers and he broke my heart. Then ten years later we got back in contact with ...
A. 31 August 2020: It takes two to make a relationship work. At the moment there is only one of you putting in any effort - and it certainly isn't HIM. Regardless of how much you think you love him, you cannot make this work on your own.
IF what he says is true (an... (read in full...)
Do white men find women from Bangledish attractive?
Q. I'm a Bangladeshi girl and I've always been attracted to White men. But the White guys I've met online are attracted to me only until they find out my nationality. Some even straight off told me, they thought I was a Latina (like..?!!) I've no ...
A. 30 August 2020: Let's turn the question around and ask YOU, are all Bangladeshi women attracted to white men? The obvious answer is no, of course not, because people have different tastes. It has little (if anything) to do with being "racist"; it has a lot more to ... (read in full...)
Why did He asked to finish inside me during sex?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for two months. The day he came over and was saying weird things he normally doesn’t say. We started cuddling and he said “i don’t know how you’re going to feel about this but ... i have love for you” then about 20 minutes ...
A. 25 August 2020: I have a question: why do you just keep repeating "I am using contraception but don't want him finishing inside me"? Do you want someone to ask why? ... (read in full...)
My wife has me mostly under house arrest after discovery of the affair but the mistress is upset I can't see her. How can I fix this?
Q. Long story short. My wife found out about my affair. I had no choice but to come clean. Since then I've been working on my marriage and I rarely see my mistress although we do talk everyday. I saw her a couple of weeks ago and we had sex. I'm still ...
A. 25 August 2020: You're not REALLY "working on your marriage" if you are speaking to your mistress every day and still carrying on the affair.
You are a cheater. You and your mistress deserve each other because, in time, you will cheat on her as well. Let your... (read in full...)
Should I continue seeing him even though he lied?
Q. I went on a couple of dates with this guy, we met online. He's a bit older than me, runs a successful company and is handsome. On out dates he was very sweet, considerate and romantic. A really nice guy, who seemed almost too good to be true. For ...
A. 25 August 2020: Are you absolutely sure of the information you have? Could she be a family member? Could she be someone he dated who had kids from a previous relationship?
If you are 100% sure the information is correct, then I would wonder what else he could li... (read in full...)
My parents never allowed me to drive?
Q. Hello, I need some advice. I am 24 years old and don't know how to drive. My parents never bothered to let me take lessons even if we had the money. When I said I wanted to start driving at home 17, they laughed. I have an older sister who started ...
A. 25 August 2020: What a ridiculous question. Why would it be too late to do ANYTHING when you are in your early 20s? My parents wouldn't let me have a pony or horse riding lessons when I was a child, despite constant pleading. I started taking lessons when I left ... (read in full...)
Relationship anxiety. I don't want to lose him, but his anger makes me feel unloved
Q. I've had an argument with my boyfriend. Basically, about 2 weeks ago, we got a bill through the post, addressed to him, but when opening, the second address was his exes house. She'd reinstalled Sky and not changed some details and after 3 months ...
A. 25 August 2020: I suspect the main problem here is your anxiety. You are over-thinking and over-demanding, and guess what? Your boyfriend is finding it hard to handle, especially when he's had a drink and already had a confrontation with his ex.
If I read you... (read in full...)
My husband can go three weeks without talking to me after we've had an argument
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some perspective on what I'm feeling and for someone just to give me some real home truths if possible. I have been married for almost 3 years now and it's been a very rocky marriage from day dot. Prior to marriage...
A. 23 August 2020: Are you being too needy in expecting your adult husband to discuss problems in a mature way and not to sulk and give you the silence treatment for weeks on end if you don't toe the line and agree with him on everything? I assume that is just a ... (read in full...)
Why did He asked to finish inside me during sex?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for two months. The day he came over and was saying weird things he normally doesn’t say. We started cuddling and he said “i don’t know how you’re going to feel about this but ... i have love for you” then about 20 minutes ...
A. 22 August 2020: I hope you used contraception but, sadly, it doesn't sound like it. He doesn't have to "finish inside you" to get you pregnant if you are not using any contraception. He is basically trying to make you pregnant so you won't be in a position to leave ... (read in full...)
A friend's contact is down to once a year. Why even bother?
Q. First of all, this is not a love relationship question. It's purely about friendship (same sex). There's this person I know since my school days. After graduating, we stayed in touch. In the first decade or so, we wrote to each other just a few...
A. 21 August 2020: I wonder if she is thinking the same. I also wonder why you think it would be "impolite" to end something you see as "meaningless". You don't need anyone else's permission or approval to end this contact if it's what you want to do. It takes two to ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend but I miss him terribly he was my best friend
Q. I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 7 years. I called off the relationship. Although I am well aware that this breakup has been coming for a year now, I feel I've lost my best friend. He's a great guy; we can talk about anything and everything. ...
A. 21 August 2020: It takes time to get over a break-up, even when it's been a while coming and we know it's "for the best". Just because it hurts like hell does not mean it wasn't the right decision.
I think, for the time being at least, you need to accept t... (read in full...)
He sulks and is only nice when he wants sex
Q. I have been with my boyfriend since last November. He doesn't have a big sex drive and we maybe have sex once a week, I would be up for it every night! He has turned down nearly all of my advances over the months which has hurt and knocked my ...
A. 21 August 2020: I have a couple of questions for you.
Firstly, is this how you want to spend your future? When you look 5 years down the line, or 10 years, is this all you wish for yourself? Bear in mind also that this sort of behaviour will get worse with tim... (read in full...)
I don't trust him and its ruining our relationship
Q. A year ago amidst a fight, I discovered my boyfriend of 4 years whom I live with, in the first year we had been together, had still been messaging other women via Facebook. A month after he told me loved me he had apparently invited a woman ...
A. 19 August 2020: You've lived like this for a year. How has that made you feel? Is this how you want to feel year after year after year?
Why have you not discussed this with him? Why have you simply suffered in silence? Why do you not think your feelings... (read in full...)
How much emphasis do you put that innate attraction
Q. Hi. I've been on a couple dates with this lovely lady. We seem to be on similar pages in a lot of senses, talk well and be at similar points in life, similar backgrounds and there seems to be a good commonality in terms of attitudes and ho...
A. 16 August 2020: We are all different. For some of us (me included), the attraction grows as we get to know (and like) the person in front of us. No matter how gorgeous they are physically, if I don't like and "get" them as a person, I will not feel any "chemistry". ... (read in full...)
How do I uninvite my BIL to a party where my friends will be there?
Q. Hi all, so for the first time since lock down lifted I decided to invite my friends around for a house warming party at my new place. My husband has his friends round regularly were I am expected to be the hostess with the mostess which I generally ...
A. 15 August 2020: Your post reminded me of the film, The War of the Roses (Kathleen Turner & Michael Douglas starring). Sounds like you are both trying to achieve "one upmanship" over each other. Hopefully your relationship won't end in the same way.
Unlik... (read in full...)
Does intelligence in a relationship matter?
Q. Hello, I would like to know your opinion on intelligence within a relationship. Does intelligence between two people in a relationship matter? Does it matter if one person is smarter than the other. My boyfriend always claims that he's a nerd...
A. 14 August 2020: I wonder, what are the chances that he feels the same way about you and you do about him? Does he secretly feel YOU are actually the smarter one so over-compensates by exaggerating his own intelligence? Just a thought and I would love to hear his ... (read in full...)
I don't want to invite my aunt to the family party because she has a reputation of stealing food and gifts
Q. Am I wrong to want my aunt (on my dad's side of the family) not to come to a small party of 13 people that's happening next month, simply because she stole presents and food last time? (the presents as it were, were clothing and wine for my sister ...
A. 14 August 2020: If this is YOUR party then I would say you are allowed to invite (or omit) who you want.
It sounds like nobody has actually confronted your aunt about her behaviour. If not, why not? This behaviour is not acceptable so why not just tell her she ... (read in full...)
My husband thanked me for sex and I feel sad and hurt about it
Q. Had sex with my husband whom I've been with for 28 years, married 24 years. He as had a operation down below so needs a device to get it hard. I gave him oral sex recently and sat on him and he came without needing the device. He thanked me for the ...
A. 12 August 2020: Wow, poor man. He was so pleased that he had managed to have sex without having to use his "device" that he felt the need to thank you and you see this as some sort of insult. Try putting yourself in HIS position. As I said, poor man. ... (read in full...)
I know he's lying but I need concrete proof
Q. Hello, I have a question I hope someone will know the answer to. So I have been dating someone overseas. He definitely has money issues asks me easily for money. I dont give any. Yes we've seen eachother several times because I go there. Any...
A. 12 August 2020: Why do you need "something concrete" to dump him? You already KNOW he is trying to use you as a bank. You are entitled to dump him whenever you want.
I also have to question whether you have NEVER given him money or paid for anything for him beca... (read in full...)
He's the perfect guy but doesn't please me in bed. What do I do?
Q. Around two months ago I met this really great guy, he’s been super sweet and I could definitely see myself pursuing a life with him because he’s different from any guy I’ve ever met he treats me like a princess, he’s a gentlemen and has a great ...
A. 11 August 2020: If the chemistry is not there, despite all the wonderful qualities this man has, then I doubt you will every feel it - unless you change your mindset. I say this because I suspect, given the type of man you have been out with in the past, you are ... (read in full...)
My partner did some work for me and I thought he's give me a break on the cost but he didn't
Q. I have been with my partner for 10 years, we live together.The relationship is a bit rocky. He is a builder. I own a rental flat that needed some work doing to it. He did the work and has now sent me an invoice for his labour, for quite a large sum ...
A. 11 August 2020: I have a question about this property and your answer would determine MY response: who gets the income from the property you rent out? Is this "your" money (as in yours alone) or do you share it with your partner?
If the former, then this is ... (read in full...)
Adopting partner’s sister’s child after a short break up and feeling very conflicted
Q. I am at a loss of what to say. I feel incredibly overwhelmed and I’m not sure what to do or how to deal with the situation I have in front of me. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and not married. Before Covid hit, I decided to end...
A. 9 August 2020: I'm so sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. I have no useful advice, except, perhaps, to investigate whether there are any support groups where you can air your worries and get constructive advice and support.
You are being ra... (read in full...)
I'm dating a virgin and think I should break up with her because of it
Q. I am a 29 year old male, currently dating a 33 year old woman. We met just before the coronavirus lockdown in the UK. Things are going well and we get on with each other, however, I discovered around a month or so ago that she is a virgin. I am...
A. 9 August 2020: While a lot of men like the idea of being a woman's first lover, many shy away from the responsibility this brings with it. They fear that, if a woman chooses not to jump into bed with any Casanova who whispers sweet nothings in her ear, she is ... (read in full...)
My married lover broke it off and is now trying to have sex with his asexual wife!?
Q. My married lover broke off our 5 year relationship after his wife saw some messages exchanged between us. We are still in touch. But he has now told me he attempted to have sexual relations with her last night and failed. He's always maintained the ...
A. 9 August 2020: I have more questions than answers. Why are you bothered what he is doing? Why are you still waiting for him? He is married. He is not free to have a relationship with you. Do you think this is all you deserve - to be used by someone for sex when ... (read in full...)
Am I high maintenance or what?
Q. Hi everyone I had a date tonight that i just feel confused about. Would love to unpack with you all and get information. A guy I've had 2 dates with already invited me to his friends' "party". I was told it was saturday and assumed it would be ...
A. 9 August 2020: No, I do NOT think you are high maintenance for expecting to be treated with manners and consideration. People will treat us as we allow them; don't let people treat you badly. Considering you don't really know this guy and, I assume from that, you ... (read in full...)
How long will take me to get over him?
Q. I met this man at my old job. He would come to the floors i was working on as we worked in different departments. Then he gave me his number to text him. i was over the moon. We started talking getting to know each other and he told me that i caught ...
A. 8 August 2020: You need to forgive yourself and acknowledge you did your best with the information you believed to be true at the time. Once you realised that things were not going to change, you drew a line and called it a day on the ersatz relationship. Well ... (read in full...)
Does he want me to ask to come over to his place?
Q. Guy I’ve been seeing asked me a few days ago “when are you coming over my house” and i said “whenever you invite me” and he laughed he always comes here but never asks me to actually come over there...
A. 8 August 2020: Do you actually want to go to his house? If so, then why not simply ask him "when are you going to invite me to your house?" and see what he says. ... (read in full...)
I think my mother in law is faking illnesses
Q. I'm starting to get the impression that my mother in law (mil) is faking illness to get attention. She is single, no partner, and feels lonely from what I'm told. At the beginning of our relationship my husband and I discussed how we'd handle our ...
A. 8 August 2020: Your MIL does sound lonely (and more than a little manipulative). Does she have friends? Does she have other children?
What about compromising about the living arrangements and simply have her moving a bit closer to you where you and your hus... (read in full...)
Family tradition of naming the first son 'John'
Q. My daughter (29) is expecting her first child with her husband. They recently announced it's a boy. Apparently my son-in-law's family has a tradition of naming eldest sons the same name - let's just say it's John. So my son-in-law's father is John, ...
A. 8 August 2020: I know you mean well and want to protect your daughter but you really should not be getting involved in this. This should really be something over which the parents (your daughter and her husband) decide between them, then just tell MIL what is ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend recently stopped contacting me on Fridays
Q. Hi. I'm in a long distance relationship. I've noticed that for the past 3 Fridays my boyfriend doesn't contact me at all. He contacts me every other day of the week but nothing on Fridays. Even if it's late at night after a long day or if he was ...
A. 8 August 2020: Have you tried being the one to initiate contact? Why don't you contact HIM on Friday, when he doesn't contact you, and just see what happens. If he works all week, perhaps he just wants to "crash and burn" on a Friday night. As someone who works ... (read in full...)
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