Trouble with a friend who borrows money and won't pay it back
Q. Hello So, my friend seems to have money issues. I don't mind helping out sometimes but recently I found out after I borrowed 200.00 a mutual friend also gave 200.00 so I sort of expected mine back. However, she said shes broke and needs it. A...
A. 10 January 2021: Any advice? Yes, stop lending her money. Simple.
Let her bleat. Let her moan. Nod, agree, sympathize, but don't put your hand in your pocket. I assume you have to work for your money? You know it doesn't grow on trees. Your friend, on the othe... (read in full...)
He proposed I said yes but I don't want to marry him!
Q. My boyfriend of a year proposed. I said yes because his family was right there. I don’t want to marry him and I’m freaking out because I’m not married. He’s just not what I want....I don’t know what to do . He’s also still married to his first wif...
A. 10 January 2021: Why are you telling him you will not get engaged until his divorce is finalised when you don't intend marrying him at all? If you have your eye on someone else, do the decent thing and let your fiance go so he can find someone who wants to marry ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has stayed friends with all of his exs on social media
Q. I'm looking for advice and trying to figure out if I'm being paranoid or not haha. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years, live together, have a dog and want a family. We are in love and happy most of the time... Except when it comes ...
A. 10 January 2021: You admit " I know he loves me and its more about insecurity then trust" so have you considered working on your insecurity? Your boyfriend's exes are in his past; you are his present and, hopefully, his future. If you are not certain of him, then ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to share me with a friend
Q. my husband wants to share me (wife) with a male friend but when he ask me how far my friend can go I shyly tell him "touch my leg" then a little more advanced " rub my thighs" of which he says " you really don't want him to go that far do you?" ...
A. 8 January 2021: Sounds like your husband enjoys the fantasy of sharing you with another man but not the possible reality. The big difference between the two is that you can control everything which goes on in the first but have no control whatsoever over what ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me again or am I paranoid?
Q. I've been with boyfriend since 2013. We are now both in our 30s. We moved in together pretty quickly. I found out a year into the relationship that he had been lying to and had been chatting to girls online. I told him I was leaving to start my life ...
A. 8 January 2021: But you HAVE found proof time and time again that your boyfriend is messing about, and yet you have chosen to forgive him and stay with him.
He can't hold down a job. He is a grown man being financially supported by others. He messages other pe... (read in full...)
How can he go from being gay to having a relationship with a younger woman?
Q. Okay can someone please help my confusion here please? I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years just friends as I'm married with kids and he is or I thought was gay. However a year ago this girl entered his life younger, pretty...
A. 8 January 2021: I understand you are close friends but, with all due respect, his choice of partner is really none of your business, nor is his sexual orientation. Questioning either of these is, in my view, overstepping the boundaries of friendship. If he was your ... (read in full...)
Would it be disrespectful to my dads new wife if I had a photo of my Mother and Father together in a photo frame on display in my house?
Q. Hi Dear cupid. The question I would like to ask is: Would it be disrespectful to my dads new wife if I had a photo of my Mother and Father together in a photo frame on display in my house? (when I move) My mother sadly passed away two year...
A. 5 January 2021: Sorry for your loss. A mere two years down the line, you must still be grieving your mum's passing and missing her terribly.
I have to ask, what is this really about? Do you simply want a photo of your mum and dad in your home but are worried ... (read in full...)
I just want love but all I get is criticism. Nothing is ever good enough for my husband.
Q. Hi, I am a nearly 32 year old married female, no children. My husband constantly pulls me down. I am a sensitive person but his constant abuse is tiring me. He’s very OCD about our home. I run a business and he also works very hard at his job ...
A. 4 January 2021: Please believe me: this is not about you, it is about HIM. For whatever reason, he is an unhappy man and you are the person he takes this out on. That does not, in any way, excuse what he is doing to you because he sounds like an out and out bully. ... (read in full...)
I want my cake and to eat it too and I know I can't
Q. Hi, I am a 33 year old married female. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and together for 9 years. We have two children. My husband is a decent father although with room for improvement. He is a a good guy with wonderful qualities, ...
A. 4 January 2021: I know you think you are in love with this new guy but, truly, you are in LUST. I am not playing that down as I know that lust can be a VERY powerful emotion. It can temporarily override common sense and other usually highly-held values. You are a ... (read in full...)
I would do anything for my husband but I know he won't for me
Q. My husband is an alcoholic. Idk why it wasnt so obvious before except that I recently quit drinking and I guess his drunkenness is more noticeable. He is active duty. He somehow excels at work and no one knows he is a raging alcoholic. He c...
A. 2 January 2021: You cannot control your husband's behaviour. He is not a child who is in need of guidance or control. He is an adult, supposedly of "sound mind", who has the ability to choose how he behaves. He chooses to behave very badly. For this he has no ... (read in full...)
Is the relationship worth it or should I end it?
Q. Here is the short version for those who don't want too much background: In a relationship for 10 years. Relationship is good 95% of the time but any time conflict arises and my girlfriend gets mad she breaks up, says she doesn't want to be with ...
A. 1 January 2021: It's not "conflict resolution" though, is it? She doesn't resolve anything. It's conflict avoidance. She cannot have an argument without spitting out her dummy and running away. That's very immature for a woman of her age and does not set a good ... (read in full...)
Should I keep fighting for us and the man I love or simply let go of him?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years back in July, as for the last 2 years I felt extremely neglected. He had all the time in the world for everyone else apart from me, he put everyone’s needs and emotions first before mine. I tired to ...
A. 1 January 2021: Why would you fight for a relationship which contributed towards damaging your mental health? Why would you fight for a man who only sees things on his terms, a man who twists things to suit his narrative? Why would you fight for a man who had time ... (read in full...)
Do I reach out to my ex when I know he's having a hard time?
Q. I recently discovered that my childhood sweetheart is having a pretty hard time due to losing his job and his relationship breaking down due to all the pressure of the pandemic. Now I’m happily engaged to be married next year, but I am worried...
A. 30 December 2020: How about you ask your fiance what he thinks? Perhaps, if both of you are compassionate people, you could contact him as a pair? If you can't tell your fiance about this, then that gives you your answer. ... (read in full...)
I don't like the choices my girlfriend made in the past getting involved with someone who was involved with someone else
Q. Hi, Need advice Bit of a tricky one. Been with my girlfriend for seven months Everything is going well. A couple of months ago my girlfriend told me about a past fling/relationship she had with her cousins brother in law she met at a fami...
A. 30 December 2020: You have omitted some very important information, namely how your girlfriend feels about the affair. Is she contrite and saying she would never do that again? Is she brushing it off as meaningless? Is she sorry for the hurt she could have caused? Is ... (read in full...)
I’m trapped in a love affair!
Q. What to do if you are trapped in a relationship 3 Well I meat a guy online on a dating side went on a date etc Hit it off pretty well I asked him about his past relationship to make sure that he is really single, and how long he has been single ...
A. 29 December 2020: Do I think you stand a chance? Absolutely 100% not. I say that with total conviction and for one reason: you will never be able to trust him. I say that for one reason also: he has already proved to you beyond any doubt that he is not trustworthy. ... (read in full...)
How do you process the death of a parent.
Q. In 2017, I lost my father to cancer. We fought a lot, he was really over protective even when I was an adult. I can’t look at his photo. A pain shoots through my chest. I tried anti depressants to see it will help it has not. I tried therapy it...
A. 27 December 2020: I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone processed loss and grief in their own way and there is no "one size fits all" where these feelings are concerned.
Something I read once which resonated with me, and with which many people seem to agree, i... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend need to talk to this older guy?
Q. My girlfriend talks to this older guy. She is 24 and he is late 40s. When I found out, she said I don’t need to know what i don’t need to worry about - she is very loyal to me. I did not like the fact she spoke to him daily. I became increasingly ...
A. 26 December 2020: Despite your best efforts, your girlfriend seems determined to keep up very regular contact with this guy. I have to ask, is this how you want to carry on living your life?
While I don't condone snooping on her and contacting this guy's wife, no... (read in full...)
Should I feel like a slut?
Q. Should I feel like a slut?? Ok backstory, I (16/F) I met this guy (16/M) that was attractive and I wanted to get to know him. For a good week we would see each other every day and play basketball and exchange glances. At one point it was night and...
A. 25 December 2020: The fact that you did not have the confidence to MEAN "no" when you SAID "no" makes me worry for your welfare. You should never do anything which makes you feel uncomfortable.
The fact you are giving blow jobs to lads when you are just 16 also mak... (read in full...)
How to rebuild our friendship? She misunderstood concern for being pesky
Q. Hello I am writing to get your help to resurrect my friendship with a work colleague who works for me. Basically we got to know each other since she had some problems at work and I helped her resolve it. She also had some issues with her present...
A. 25 December 2020: While I believe what you say about meaning well, just from reading your post, you are in danger of coming across as a stalker. In fact, if you keep bringing up this subject and insisting this work colleague gets back on friendly terms with you, you ... (read in full...)
Need help approaching a potentially suicidal friend.
Q. I have this "friend" who I met at work when I was 17, he developed feelings for me whilst working together and I flirted with him a little but he never did anything about it. I have recently been talking to a friend who knows him quite well and he ...
A. 24 December 2020: As you are asking this question of a group of strangers, I am assuming you have no qualifications to help your friend, who sounds like he needs professional help. While it is really commendable that you have a good heart and don't want to see him ... (read in full...)
I think I outted myself for no reason and now unsure of what to do
Q. Told my bf of 6 years and my sister that I am bisexual while drunk and now I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. My sister's reaction was just is that it ? Because I said I have something to say. My bf reacted by saying I could sleep with women ...
A. 24 December 2020: There's a school of thought that any one of us is capable of being attracted to either sex, that none of us are completely heterosexual or homosexual. According to this theory, while we may be primarily attracted to one gender or the other, if the ... (read in full...)
My ex got married is pregnant and is now back in my life
Q. My ex gf of 9 years, broke up with me recently. She jumped into a relationship right away and did not take the time to get over our relationship and properly move on. We had a good relationship, but it was not really moving anywhere, so she felt ...
A. 24 December 2020: Really? You are believing that she was "looking for you in another person"? That has to be the lamest excuse/reason I have ever heard. Sweetheart, I know you are hurting and want your girlfriend back but, seriously?
Sounds like this woman ne... (read in full...)
My always broke boyfriend asked for money and when I offered him some he said it wasn't nearly enough
Q. Hello So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and hes always broke. Always some scenario happening. I have grown tired of it. His most recent request is hes broke can I help him. I offered 80.00 and he declined. He said it's not enoug...
A. 24 December 2020: Sweetheart, he is a scammer. This is typical scammer behaviour. You are not his "girlfriend", you are his cash cow. Probably one of many. I predict he will now go sulky/silent on you so that you feel guilt-tripped into sending him money.
Stop ... (read in full...)
I know it wouldn't work but I can't seem to move on
Q. I broke up with my ex around 5 months ago which I know deep down was for the best. Although we had a lot of ups in the relationship we were like best friends, we made some amazing memories in a year and I did and I believe I still do love him but he ...
A. 22 December 2020: Oh sweetheart. Sending you hugs. This is so sad but also so "normal".
He was your first boyfriend. He will always have a special place in your heart. I was with my first boyfriend more years ago than you have been alive but he still occasion... (read in full...)
Is it ok for her to act like this when she has a partner?
Q. My partner and I are both 40. We’ve been together for about 5 months. She’s a fairly recent divorcee who I was friends with for 10 years before we got together. I adore her, but she flirts with other men and it does my head in. She was abused...
A. 22 December 2020: You knew her for 10 years before you started dating. Unless she changed overnight when you started dating, you knew what she was like. You can't expect her to change her personality completely for you. You knew what you were getting.
If her beha... (read in full...)
I'm not interested in having my husband's baby. He won't accept no as an answer
Q. Hello all happy holidays I just got engaged and now my husband to be is talking babies already.I did mention I don't have the desire of becoming pregnant again even for him.Im feeling like he is not trying to hear anything I say he wants to adopt ...
A. 22 December 2020: As you are obviously religious, would it not be a better idea to discuss this issue with your pastoral leader rather than asking a bunch of anonymous strangers on a forum? Sorry if that sounds brutal but this is a MAJOR issue, something which could ... (read in full...)
How can I help my boyfriend get past the guilt of leaving his wife for me?
Q. My boyfriend left his wife for me. It was a 30 year marriage. His children are grown and have families of their own. He is happy with his decision but can't help feeling guilty for what he's done to his wife, kids and grandkids. He was not happy in ...
A. 20 December 2020: I believe we can do anything in life but, for everything we do, there is a "price" to pay. You are quickly discovering the price for having an affair with a married man who subsequently leaves his wife for you.
Of course he feels guilty. He hurt ... (read in full...)
In this relationship, is talking - and maybe flirting - with other men cheating?
Q. have an ethical dilema......is it cheating if I am in a relationship that is more like a friendship( he sleeps in one room, I sleep in the other, he has no intention to marry me because I won't give him kids, I cook for him and take care of him ...
A. 20 December 2020: What you have described is a room-mate arrangement, not a relationship. If you have sex occasionally, it is akin to a "friends with benefits" arrangement. If you don't, then it is definitely the former.
Guessing here but I suspect he is (1) youn... (read in full...)
Is anyone ever too busy really if they are interested in more than friends?
Q. Hi! So basically I'm very interested in a girl, we seem to match well, we have fun when we meet, but I feel it's not really progressing. Whenever I talk to her, she is very warm, thoughtful, asking lots of questions, suggesting things we ...
A. 20 December 2020: Nobody is so busy that they cannot make time to reply to someone for nearly a week. People choose to make time for who or what they want.
Based on the rest of your post, I would question whether these intermittent silences are her way of keeping ... (read in full...)
I can't be the only reason someone lives or dies
Q. I am in a fairly new relationship however me and this guy have been great friends for the past 2 years so it feels like we have been together for a lot longer than 4 months. Recently he has become really clingy and shown some things I think are ...
A. 20 December 2020: Whenever I read a post which waves red flags equating to clear reasons why someone should get out of a relationship immediately, but the post ends with "I love him", I know I am on a hiding to nothing. Regardless of what anyone tells you, you are ... (read in full...)
I don't think our relationship is going to last since he doesn't even want to try
Q. Myself and my partner have been together for just over 7 years. We have an 18 month old son. This year has really tested our relationship, well I’d say we started having arguments and stuff since having our son. The sleep deprivation was and stil...
A. 20 December 2020: There seem to be a number of things going on here.
Firstly, don't make any major decisions based on an argument where heated words were exchanged. Few couples never have arguments. It is a temporary situation which will pass if you both choose t... (read in full...)
Is this a toxic relationship?
Q. I’ve been with my significant other for 13 years, and with my history of questions I’ve posted here, you can see it hasn’t been all paradise This pandemic had showed me a lot. I work In healthcare so when the pandemic happened In March and things...
A. 18 December 2020: People only treat us the way we ALLOW. You are ALLOWING him to treat you as a meal ticket. Not only is he not contributing to the household, he is expecting money from you, including for his weed habit. He is not a child. He is not your ... (read in full...)
I believe he is a scammer. Your opinion?
Q. Hello and thank you ! A man contacted me on Instagram. We've been chatting a couple of months. Seems nice and sweet but I've been very cautious. We're from different countries, different cultures and an age gap. He says he works but whe...
A. 18 December 2020: I'm surprised you even need to ask. Classic scam. Block, delete and move on. ... (read in full...)
My husband since 2002
Q. My husband has admitted to me he's been depressed since 2002, but pretended to be happy. We met in August 1999 aged 24, married 3 years later, but since then he said everything's been dull for him, even the sex, it wasn't as fun as when we were ...
A. 14 December 2020: Are you taking his version of his situation as gospel? I ask because, to me, the whole story sounds feeble and just doesn't add up.
For starters, nobody gets "depressed" over a photograph taken over 20 years ago on holiday, especially somethin... (read in full...)
How do I help my son out of his toxic relationship?
Q. I’m really not sure if anyone can help, but has anyone ever been in a toxic relationship and know what to do to get someone away from one for good? My son is currently in a joke of a relationship with his girlfriend and they just seem to be going ...
A. 13 December 2020: Wow! Just wow! I read your post and could feel your pain and frustration. What a dreadful situation in which to find yourself.
Your story reminded me of a friend whose daughter had a boyfriend (subsequently fiance and father of her first child) w... (read in full...)
Girlfriend still in touch with ex her friend with benefits
Q. Hey there. So I have been seeing this girl for 7 months now (in a relationship for 4 months). Around 2 months into seeing her she mentioned she had a Friend with Benefits that she stopped seeing when we started dating. Im completely fine with tha...
A. 13 December 2020: You feel as you feel. Nobody can tell you that you are wrong to feel a certain way. What you choose to do about those feelings - go with them or ignore/suppress them - will determine how you live your life.
How did you find out your girlfrie... (read in full...)
How do I keep my distance from this cousin?
Q. When I was 13 years old (I am a male), my second cousin, who is the same age as me, pressure me into having sex with her. Over the years, until I went away for college, we would have sex once every few months. I am embarrass that I lost my virgin...
A. 13 December 2020: I would not involve the rest of the family unless there is no other option. This is between you and your cousin (and your wife, if you choose to make it so).
I would contact your cousin and tell her you do not wish to have her in your house. T... (read in full...)
Did this old friend ever even like me?
Q. This is one of the harshest and most disappointing rejections I have ever experienced. Before reading, please keep in mind that I was not aware of what I found out later on and yes, I may have been too forward, I don’t know.. I have know this g...
A. 13 December 2020: It's immaterial whether he really liked you or not. He never had any plans to have you in his life. He has a family. He is not looking for anything else.
While it would have been nice (and much easier for you) if he had told you straight away he ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my abusive brother-in-law?
Q. My sister has been with her fiancé for 16 years. He helped my sister raise 3 of her children from another man. They then had a child together. Through the last few years, my sister has shared with me he has put his hands on her when he gets drunk. ...
A. 12 December 2020: The fact your sister is asking "What am I supposed to tell him?" would make me have strong suspicions he is still abusing her or, at the very least, she is still afraid he may abuse her.
In your shoes I would invite them all, including him, and... (read in full...)
How can I STILL be obsessing over a girl who I haven't seen in 3 years?
Q. Hi cupids! Here's one for you... I really, really liked this girl I used to work with. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful, funny, smart and articulate girl I'd ever met. Her eyes just made me melt whenever I gazed into them. She literally b...
A. 12 December 2020: I think this girl embodies all the qualities you seek in a partner. Because you have not yet found that partner, your thoughts keep returning to her as the "ideal". This is understandable and counter-productive at the same time. It's understandable ... (read in full...)
Dating a married woman now she suddenly becomes distant, what should I do?
Q. hi, been dating a married woman for a month, but chatted for few years before meeting, know everything about each other, even her husband her family and her husbands family kept hassling her and asking about me (because they keep seeing me ...
A. 7 December 2020: Why don't you ask her husband? See what he thinks about it all?
He is still her husband, regardless of where he lives. If she wants to mess around with other men, she needs to cut ties with him and get a divorce, not cheat on him behind his back... (read in full...)
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