My new love wants children or child I don't how can I tell him no and still marry him?
Q. Afternoon everyone, So I'm back in the dating world and my children disapproves of it especially my son my daughter acts happy but I sense differently.So me and my now love are engaged now we have plans to travel move in together and just living ...
A. 18 October 2020: Are you omitting something? Just asking as, if you are 49, your chances of conceiving will be quite slim. Your husband-to-be must surely realize this.
I have never heard of a 12 year birth control. Do you mean 12 month?
Having/not ha... (read in full...)
Dealing with my friend’s relationship drama is becoming draining
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I’m having an issue with one of my friends which is causing me quite a bit of stress that I’d like your advice on. I love her to bits but she’s always acted like a doormat. It’s almost like she takes pride in being that way, ...
A. 18 October 2020: I find it interesting that you claim to have boundaries which you enforce, yet you are unable to do this with your "friend". While I admire your loyalty towards her and your wish to support her, this appear to be coming at a huge personal cost to ... (read in full...)
He has ptsd how can we make things work
Q. Hi. Me and a friend decided to have a relationship 3 years ago. its been a bit rocky from after 2 month of dating things were always on and off with him and after a couple of years he started opening up about his past things I didn't know of and ...
A. 18 October 2020: I completely agree with your statement that this guy "deserves a chance of happiness". Do you not think YOU deserve happiness as well though? Do you think his happiness takes priority over yours? Do you even think you can make him happy? You ... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend ghosted me, had a fling and now has come back telling me he loves me. Should I believe him?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. Long story short. My boyfriend of 5 yrs left me back in July. We were having some problems at the time except we always used to work them out. But that day, he just gave up on me and ghosted me. I couldn't even get him to talk ...
A. 18 October 2020: Would you read a book over and over and expect the ending to be different from the first time you read it? Of course not, because that would be insane. Yet people take back people who treat them badly every day and wonder what went wrong when the ... (read in full...)
What is the best way to quit a job? What should I say and what should I not say? What is the best professional way to quit a job?
Q. I am single with no kids of my own but I am very close to my nieces and nephew. At my present job, where I worked at for 15 years, they make me work over the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, est.) even through I request to hav...
A. 14 October 2020: You have a perfect reason to leave your current job: you have found a better job. Unless you want them to understand the holidays were an issue, I would not even mention them.
All you need to put in your notice letter is that you are serving ... (read in full...)
I went to a stripclub my girlfriend broke up with me because of it
Q. I need advice. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me after she found out me and my guy friends went to a stripclub and got lap dances. I mentioned to her that they were pressuring me into going but told her that i did not really care to go. But ...
A. 14 October 2020: We can do whatever we choose to in this life but it is good to remember that everything comes at a cost. You knew before you went to the club and paid for dances (I am told they are not free or inclusive in the entry price) that it would upset your ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that this and stop blaming myself?
Q. My on and off ex boyfriend of 10 years is engaged 6 months into his new relaionship. Aka 6 months after he ghosted me and dropped me like a hot potato. I am completely heartbroken and having such a hard time moving on from this. I am doing all the ...
A. 13 October 2020: I firmly believe that the universe sends us people to teach us life lessons. If we refuse to learn those lessons, the universe will keep repeating them until we do. Your ex was in and out of your life for 10 years. You refused to learn your lesson ... (read in full...)
How do you interact with people who put you off make excuses and only want to spend time with you if all their other options fall through?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I work full time self employed. I can easily arrange a social life and time for other things whenever I want if I think it is worth it and I have enough notice. Because I work by appointment with people I need notice and to put ...
A. 11 October 2020: I think you have been very unlucky in your choice of friends, which possibly says more about you than about them. I say this because my closest friends completely understand and respect my boundaries in all areas, as I do theirs in return. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
How do you interact with people who put you off make excuses and only want to spend time with you if all their other options fall through?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I work full time self employed. I can easily arrange a social life and time for other things whenever I want if I think it is worth it and I have enough notice. Because I work by appointment with people I need notice and to put ...
A. 10 October 2020: Not sure whether you came here to ask for advice (you ruled out all things I thought of while reading your post, lol) or whether you just needed to vent. If the latter, then I hope you feel better.
My closest friend is self employed, so I unders... (read in full...)
Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?
Q. Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?...
A. 9 October 2020: This post raises more questions than answers. Who are the photos of? How "erotic" are they? Does your friend WANT to share them? Do YOU want to share them? How much do your trust your friend?
Remember, once photos are "out there", you have no ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend has an eating disorder, but she won't talk about it.
Q. I think my girlfriend has an eating disorder, but she won't talk about it. We are currently living separately, although we lived together for three years while in college. For the past year, she's been with her family while I am studying for a ...
A. 9 October 2020: This sounds more like OCD than an eating disorder as such (given the counting steps, eating windows, etc), although the two conditions are not mutually exclusive and, indeed, are often closely linked in sufferers.
One of the triggers for OCD is a... (read in full...)
Unhealthy power dynamic with unemployed wife is destroying my marriage
Q. My wife quit her job about 10 years ago because of stress. Whatever it was, her commute, her boss, her coworkers, it was always something to complain about. She has never had a job she liked for more than a year even if it started out well. We...
A. 4 October 2020: I have always said that we can do anything we like but everything comes with a price and we must be able and willing to pay that. Your wife does not want to work because she finds it stressful (she sounds rather spoilt and petulant, based on your ... (read in full...)
I don’t think my boyfriend needs me and I feel lonely in my relationship. Is he with me for the sake of it?
Q. I keep pushing my boyfriend away and it’s because I know he doesn’t need me. Is he just with me for the sake of it? We’ve been going out for about 15 months now..he’s 6 years older than me and the first year or so was amazing...we wer...
A. 4 October 2020: It appears (to me at least) that you feel jealous if he chooses to spend time with anyone but you yet, ironically, you push him away when he wants to spend time with you. Given what is going on with lockdowns, etc, I believe it is even more ... (read in full...)
My friend is a user. She asks me to do things that she won't do
Q. I have a friend who's asking me to do stuff she herself doesn't want to do. At first I didn't realize what was going on, because she found ways to present things in another light. Instead of saying to others (I am not the only one) the truth,...
A. 4 October 2020: I think sending her the links when her excuse for not downloading the books herself is that she can't find them is actually a great way to go. You know she is playing you (and your other friends) so no harm in playing her at her own game.
You c... (read in full...)
Online friend has a crush on me but she just went through a break up
Q. So as of recently, a very close friend of mine ive known online brought me intobhis group of friends he has know for a while. Amongst those friends were a couple that were online dating for about 6 months prior to me meeting them. Ill name of them ...
A. 4 October 2020: You sound like a very kind and mature guy, especially given your age. Trust your gut instinct on this. The girl is hurting because not only was her ex unfaithful, but he was also publicly unkind to her as revenge for her refusing to take him back. ... (read in full...)
My ex dropped out of my life for 2 years with no explanation and now he's back
Q. Hello and thanks in advance to all who take the time to reply. Two years ago my partner( not married) kind of disappeared on me. I contacted him a few times seeking explanation and closure but no response. I had my pride and stopped.As you c...
A. 4 October 2020: You give no indication of the longevity of the relationship and there is no way of telling this from your post (intentionally, I would assume). On the one hand you call him your partner, which points towards a relatively serious and long term ... (read in full...)
Slept with a distant friend when on a ' break '
Q. please dont judge we all have slip ups when we feel down. i split from my boyfriend 6 week ago then last week i got some attention from a distant friend we were drinking and 1 thing led to another. we dont think he 'fired ' his goods i have a child ...
A. 4 October 2020: Hopefully it is just your (for me at least - misplaced) feelings of guilt which are making you imagine the worst. Women's fertility in their 40s is usually quite low, so you would be very unusual to have become pregnant after one encounter. (For the ... (read in full...)
How can I approach her about sex without putting her under pressure?
Q. Hello I've been dating a girl casually for nearly a year now. During that time we have been on about 10-12 dates. Obviously Covid meant we weren't able to see each other for a few months and before that I lived in a different city which is wh...
A. 3 October 2020: I wonder why you feel that, after a year of dating, you cannot ask her to stay at your place? If she has "openly teased" you about sex, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she is wondering the same thing.
Has she even been to your place? Have you... (read in full...)
I thought my fake boobs would be perfect but men are completely turned off by them!
Q. When i was in my 20s i worked in a couple strip clubs where there was quite a bit of chicks with boob jobs. It was something i always thought looked really good and being a small b i was a good candidate for the surgery though my natural small boobs ...
A. 3 October 2020: I've never felt the need to have surgery to alter my body is any way so can't comment from first hand experience. However, we have discussed this, and other topics, where I work, and the almost unanimous verdict from males has always been that they ... (read in full...)
I am clueless about how to proceed with this lady and I don't want this to be yet another catastrophe
Q. Hello Cupids and Aunts. I am in need of advice for what I am more and more convinced is a mess I got myself into. A while back while at a funeral I saw a woman who really really caught my eye, both for her beauty and her way of bearing herself....
A. 3 October 2020: I suspect the lady may indeed have "bigger fish to fry", i.e. mourning her mother and supporting her grief-stricken father.
In your shoes I would back off for the time being. Perhaps send her a message saying you hope she is ok, that you are not ... (read in full...)
I'm a hopeless romantic male virgin and I don't know what to do
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl, never been on a date and of course never been in a relationship. I usually end up making a connection with someone and I can't make that leap and she ends up dating someone else and gets into a ...
A. 3 October 2020: I am sure others will mention this as well but I will say it anyway: making a connection is seldom (if ever) based solely on physical appearance. It is more about showing empathy and being a nice person. Having a sense of humour also helps.
It so... (read in full...)
My girlfriend isn't comfortable with me hanging out with another girl who is a friend
Q. Hi All Been dating a girl for four months and everything is going well. We are going really well, we have committed to a relationship and have long term plans for the future. I have met all her family and vice versa, We have recently come to...
A. 2 October 2020: Often the fear of the unknown is worse than the actual. Have the two girls met? If not, why not?
I am torn on this one. On the one hand, she has to trust you for the relationship to work. On the other hand, you need to consider her feelings... (read in full...)
My partner's abuse is making me unwell
Q. my partners abuse is making me depressed and unwell. hes constantly calling me names and putting me down. the other day he went mad because i stepped in something and my shoe was dirty he was yelling and yelling at me and said hes locking me out ...
A. 2 October 2020: Sweetheart, I think you already know what to do but, like many, the thought of change scares you.
Let me tell you definitely, this is NOT love. Love does NOT hurt. Love does NOT abuse. Love does NOT humiliate. Love does NOT bully. This man does... (read in full...)
I kicked my husband out of the house tonight after finding out he had gay sex with his friend. I am severely depressed and in need of help.
Q. This is the very WORST day of my life! I have no idea how I will ever get through this. I was already diagnosed with severe depression. And now THIS! I have been married for 8 years to my love. It has been a good relationship except form the ...
A. 2 October 2020: Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry. Cheating is cheating and it always hits us hard. For your husband to try to dismiss his sex sessions with his friend as "just sex" makes it even worse in my eyes, as I would be asking why he put a marriage in jeopardy ... (read in full...)
I'm in an arranged marriage. How do I ask my future wife if she is a virgin like me? Its crucial to me
Q. I'm 25 years old and I'm still virgin. I had a lot of chances to lose my virginity but I saved it for my future wife. Because I want to have a married life with 100% trust in each other. Now I'm getting married to an unknown girl whom I just ...
A. 28 September 2020: Can't believe someone can post something as crass as this:
Some people simply don't like driving second hand cars. It has to be brand new for them.
... (read in full...)
I had no idea he was married, broke it off but he's still acting like we are a couple
Q. I've been dating this guy, 38, for the past 18 months now; I'm 24 and live in Los Angeles. Only recently I've found out he was married. I didn't know, not one bit, that he was married. He's a Trump supporter, I'm not but we somehow made it w...
A. 28 September 2020: I really don't understand why you are making this so hard for yourself. And I certainly don't understand what anything in your post has to do with Trump, but that's by the by.
One sentence sums up my advice to you: you are not telling him clea... (read in full...)
Do I leave her because we only have sex every 3 months?
Q. In a relationship over three years sex only once in three months ,she know i want it but she comes up with all these excuses , and women wonder why men cheat, am tired of doing my self, so am i suppose to tell her , i need sex , or am going to get ...
A. 28 September 2020: There is no age on your profile but, as you mention at the end of your post that you can "still get it up" like you are in your 20s (very classy), then I assume you would need a high powered telescope to see your 20s. Assuming, therefore, that the ... (read in full...)
Should I confess my straight friend my feelings for her?
Q. I've never been with a girl, but I've always been more attracted to girls than to boys. Also I've never had strong feelings for anyone but for this girl. I met her two years ago and I started having feelings for her short after we met. We're close...
A. 28 September 2020: Do you know what? We can do anything we want in this life but I think it helps to remember that there is a "price" on everything. So, bottom line: are you willing to pay the possible price of your friend deciding your friendship is no longer viable? ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for feeling it was a dumb comment at a very bad timing after all the stuff shes put us through?
Q. My boyfriends ex made it a point to be the center of attention the first part of our relationship. To the point where i was about ready to leave him despite that he wasnt really to blame for it. Though there was about 2 times he lied about ...
A. 27 September 2020: You feel as you feel; there is no "right" or "wrong".
In my view, it was an insensitive comment, especially if your boyfriend knows you are insecure about your relationship. However, I personally would not end a relationship over one thoughtl... (read in full...)
I'm in an arranged marriage. How do I ask my future wife if she is a virgin like me? Its crucial to me
Q. I'm 25 years old and I'm still virgin. I had a lot of chances to lose my virginity but I saved it for my future wife. Because I want to have a married life with 100% trust in each other. Now I'm getting married to an unknown girl whom I just ...
A. 27 September 2020: This sounds like it is more important to you than anything else. That is entirely your prerogative of course; we all have things which are "deal breakers" in relationships. However, I would just ask, have you actually thought this through to the ... (read in full...)
We dated he broke it off and now when he sees me he totally shuns me
Q. A few months ago I went on a few dates with a man who then abruptly told me he didn’t want a relationship of any kind and seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He works locally and I used to pass him regularly on the way to our respectiv...
A. 26 September 2020: My gut feeling, based on what you say, is that he either (a) was already in a relationship when he started dating you and, once things progressed, got cold feet, afraid his girlfriend/partner would find out about you, or (b) he has since had a ... (read in full...)
How long does it take to really move on from someone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for five years. About two years ago, I had a fling with another guy. It was all flirty banter until it went too far and we slept together. I told my boyfriend and cut the man off. I told him I didn't want to lose my ...
A. 23 September 2020: Why don't you just change YOUR email address? Or write to him and say very clearly, "Stop contacting me. I am not interested"?
Is it because, secretly, you actually relish him still wanting you and, despite how his messages unsettle you, it gives... (read in full...)
I'm married and making out with my husband's best friend
Q. I made a mistake again... I know once is a mistake and two types is purely stupid but I didn't think and now I need help to stop. I am in a troubled marriage but we are still trying to work through it as we truly love one another. However his best ...
A. 22 September 2020: A woman in her 30s does not really need to ask how to stop being unfaithful. It's quite simple: will power. We cannot magic you a dose of that. Only you can decide what is more important to you: a bit of frantic fumbling with a man who has no sense ... (read in full...)
Estranged sister moves in and creates problems, what should I do?
Q. Hello, I have a question about how to deal with an estranged sister. Years ago, she abandoned my siblings and I for a man. Then had a kid and lived out of the country. I found out that she cheated on her husband with another man so her son moved in ...
A. 22 September 2020: Oh dear, where to start?
Firstly, your sister did not "abandon" you or her other siblings. You and your siblings are not your sister's responsibility. She is your sister, not your mother. She had - and has - her own life to lead. Why would yo... (read in full...)
Does holding resentment towards an ex means I haven't moved on?
Q. When we met online, we hit it off. we met in person and the connection and chemistry was undeniable. He stayed at my flat for 2 weeks.And he asked me to be exclusive but the problem is we live 4 hours apart. But he said we will make it work. When he ...
A. 19 September 2020: I believe the universe sends people into our lives to teach us lessons. If we don't learn those lessons, we will have to go through the pain time and time again until such time as we do learn. You didn't learn your lesson the first time with your ... (read in full...)
I can't move on because I keep thinking what if?
Q. I dated this guy for a couple of months, we had amazing chemistry and got on really well however he ended things because he was recently out a long term relationship and he wasn't ready to commit to someone new. That was a while ago now and I'm ...
A. 17 September 2020: If the reason he gave you for finishing your relationship was genuine, then you are making the same mistake as he did, i.e. dating when you are not ready, when you are not available emotionally. I say "if" because this is one of the excuses people ... (read in full...)
Do you think I should take this is a sign that he isn't that interested in me, or am I looking too deeply into this?
Q. I have just started to get to know a guy. I really like him, however, he never initiates contact. He only texts me if I text him first. If I don't text him, I don't hear from him. Also, he takes a very long time to reply, sometimes an entire day. Do ...
A. 17 September 2020: If you met him on a dating site, my guess would be he is talking to multiple "applicants" and just replying when someone messages him first. Or he is already in a relationship and just looking for a "side chick". Or he is playing mind games with ... (read in full...)
My married bf gave up the best sex with me to go back to a sexless marriage. How is that even possible?
Q. I'm hoping to get advice from all of you wise people because I have no idea what's going on. My married boyfriend left me. He said he's going back to his marriage because his wife found out about us. We've been together for several years. I...
A. 15 September 2020: He LOVES his wife. He ENJOYS sex. There is a difference.
It's interesting that you say "we have stayed together despite being incompatible in other ways". So it was only sex which kept you together. In the end that is not enough.
He was ... (read in full...)
If he is dating other women then what does he want from me?
Q. I was in an on again off again long distance relationship for 4 years. We were not together for more than 5 months before he would leave again. He said the relationship wasn't working out for him because he wanted a real life in person relationship. ...
A. 14 September 2020: Don't think, for one minute, that you are unique in having an ex who randomly pops back. Most of us have had exes like that. The difference is most of us allow them back once at most, then cut them off and never respond to any further contact ... (read in full...)
He's the perfect guy who's been there for me in the darkest of times but why is he not making it official? Is he stringing me along?
Q. Mid June i met the most amazing guy, he’s brought a lot of happiness and Comfort to me at a bad time. My mom was diagnosed with blood cancer around six months ago and shes has just been on a steady decline, shes been hospitalized weeks at a time and ...
A. 14 September 2020: Why are the younger generation so obsessed with "official" labels these days? In my day, you were either going out with someone or you weren't. Nobody needed labels. There was no such thing as "we are seeing each other but we are not official". It's ... (read in full...)
Why is my married boyfriend emotionally torturing me? He keeps leaving me and then coming back!
Q. Why would the married man I've been involved with keep leaving me and coming back? He left me in July and came back. He just left me again. He said he loves me and that's why he has to let me go. Cause he can't stand seeing me suffer cause I want ...
A. 14 September 2020: Me! Me! Ask me! I know the answer to this one!
1. Because you allow it.
2. Because he is a clever manipulator. If you ask for more than he is willing to give, he discards you for a while as punishment, to teach you your place, so that y... (read in full...)
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