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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 8 February 2011: You keep coming here looking for your next bashing, I think you are enjoying this otherwise you would not keep posting these follow ups provoking the aunts & uncles on this site! You are not even asking for advice anymore, you are just telling us ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty but I don't want an abortion!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over a year. He is 35 and I am 30. He has 2 kids and I have 2 kids. I just recently found out that I am pregnant. He wants me to have an abortion but I do not want to. I have had an abortion before and ...
A. 24 January 2011: Just sit him down and talk to him, face to face. Explain that you have had an abortion in the past and have never gotten over it, and that you dont believe in abortion as it goes against your beliefs. If you explain your reasons, and just be honest ... (read in full...)
I told him I'm not a virgin but I am
Q. Well im 14 and im going out with this boy and he is everything a girl can ask for and its like .... the worst part is wen i first met him i told him i wasnt a vigin ( which i really am) and now i think he dosent know what im waiting for its like i ...
A. 24 January 2011: Ok well lets set one thing straight - no-one is saying you must wait until you are married to have sex, often that is a bad idea because you would not find out if you were sexually compatible until its too late. So having sex before marriage CAN be ... (read in full...)
How do ladies feel about their man going to a strip club?
Q. Ladies, how do you feel if your boyfriend goes to a strip club? My boyfriend has been to a few over the last year for bachelor parties. I feel like him seeing other girls half naked makes me less appealing. It makes me super insecure about myself ...
A. 24 January 2011: Well, this is just my personal opinion, but if it is for a bachelor party and he would never normally go to a strip club on any other occasion, then it is fine. It is just the 'bachelor's' last night of freedom, and men seem to feel the need on ... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into these signs?
Q. There is this guy and he is a really good friend of mine in my art class. I have known him since the beginning of this school year and iv been wondering for awhile if he likes me even though he as a girl friend (btw his gf is 2 years older than ...
A. 21 January 2011: Well again, sorry to say this but if he acted like this before he went out with his girlfriend, and then still chose to go out with her - then he chose her over you. So no matter how much he likes you, he likes his girlfriend more because he asked ... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into these signs?
Q. There is this guy and he is a really good friend of mine in my art class. I have known him since the beginning of this school year and iv been wondering for awhile if he likes me even though he as a girl friend (btw his gf is 2 years older than ...
A. 21 January 2011: Ok well from those signs I would say yes he likes you. But then the bombshell - he has a girlfriend!
So even if he does like you - this is irrelevant because you cannot be with him. If he tries to act on his feelings for you then he is a cheat, a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are trying to patch things up, but there's still the distracting knowledge of my ex's affections putting a strain on my relationships with both guys
Q. I am currently with a guy that I really like. We've been dating for just about 4 months, and although we definitely have our problems, we are very close, and I've never been so close to and loved by any guy in my life. Unfortunately,...
A. 21 January 2011: Well how long were you with your ex? Was it a real relationship or just a kiss? Why did you break up?
Generally the rule is that an ex is an ex for a good reason - hence why you should never go back there. If it did not work out once, then cle... (read in full...)
Teen mom?
Q. im in a 2 years relationship and we r great with my boyfriend...im graduating this year and we r planning to try for a baby:) whats the difficulitties of being ateen mom?...
A. 21 January 2011: Ok, in terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infa... (read in full...)
I have difficulty opening up my feelings
Q. I'm having difficulty opening up with my feelings. My girlfriend wants me to trust her completely with the good and bad so she can share the same back with me. To me this sounds like the promised land of relationships but my every instinct, ...
A. 21 January 2011: Well my advice then would be to explain how you deal with these things. You sound like you are completely right in what you do and dont share - there is no point in sharing some thoughts/feelings when you are well aware yourself that they would only ... (read in full...)
Birth control/sex question!
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex after 3 years together. We will use Ortho Options Gynol II contraceptive gel and Trojan Warming sensations condoms. My first question is what would the effectiveness of these together be? and secondly ...
A. 21 January 2011: If you have waited 3 years then one more month is not going to make much difference! Just wait the extra month - birth control is so reliable and really you should not be having sex without it, so just wait one more month and you will be fine.
... (read in full...)
To trust or not to trust, that is the question. . .
Q. Well hello! I've been with the love of my life for 9 months roughly 10. Our jobs are weird for the schedules are as abstract as our relationship. I see her only on Saturday's and Sunday's sometimes Friday nights. The issue is not that I don't ge...
A. 20 January 2011: I think you need to talk to her when she gets back. Be honest with her and explain that because of all the lies and the problems with her ex that you are struggling to trust her, and because of this it is making you question the relationship.
... (read in full...)
I have difficulty opening up my feelings
Q. I'm having difficulty opening up with my feelings. My girlfriend wants me to trust her completely with the good and bad so she can share the same back with me. To me this sounds like the promised land of relationships but my every instinct, ...
A. 20 January 2011: Well all you need to learn is how to differentiate stuff that is good to share, and then the stuff that you need to deal with in private.
It is hard to give examples but when a thought or feeling pops into your head and you want to share it - sto... (read in full...)
I have a thing for this girl at work but she likes someone else, should I ask her out anyway?
Q. Should I ask this girl out? I work with her and have recently realised I had feelings for her when I actually look forward to go to work just because she is there. Problem is while we flirt and stuff we aren't very much alike she hangs out with a ...
A. 20 January 2011: There's no reason why you shouldnt tell her how you feel - the worst outcome is that she says no and you have to just get over it, and best outcome is she says yes and then you go out on a date!
You will never get anywhere if you dont try, so ... (read in full...)
Birth control/sex question!
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex after 3 years together. We will use Ortho Options Gynol II contraceptive gel and Trojan Warming sensations condoms. My first question is what would the effectiveness of these together be? and secondly ...
A. 20 January 2011: Now I'm not sure about the gel - the condoms should be fine but ALL condoms can break, and if they are not put on properly can be ineffective. However they should ALWAYS be used to prevent STD's.
Check that this gel is a water based gel (that is... (read in full...)
Call it off or carry on?
Q. A few weeks ago I bumped into my friends mom in a local pub. I've fancied her for ages and she came back to mine where we ended up having sex. She's a lot older than me, 45 and I'm 22. Anyway we've met each other several times since and have just ...
A. 20 January 2011: It depends how much you value your friendship? Can you imagine if one of your friends slept with your mum? There is no way you would remain friends with them! So if you want to still be friends with him - then break it off.
But if you dont car... (read in full...)
How are anal sex and oral sex different from normal sex?
Q. Can anyone tell me about oral sex and anal sex? How are they different from normal sex and what do you do?...
A. 20 January 2011: Anal sex is when you have sex in the anus (bottom, bum hole....whatever you want to call it).
Oral sex is:
- Female giving the man a blow job (putting his penis into her mouth and sucking - google it for more info)
- Male using his tongue in th... (read in full...)
Advice on dating a Turkish man?
Q. I am looking for advice on dating a Turkish man. We met on match.com a couple weeks ago, and have gone on 2 dates (both times we spent hours together talking) he is kind, charming, funny, polite and overall seems like a wonderful man. All I know ...
A. 20 January 2011: Your main concern with a Turkish man is him wanting to get married purely for a Visa/American citizenship. I have been on this site for years now and all the stories I have seen of Turkish men, with women asking similar questions to you - they ALL ... (read in full...)
Question on etiquette and American culture
Q. Hello all, This is a question regarding etiquette and American culture. I am a student studying in the US but I am not an American (I am from South Korea). My student life in US has been, for most part, a very alienating experience with absol...
A. 19 January 2011: A gift card or money would be too much - if it is a casual dinner then it would be nice if you took a bottle of wine (can be reasonably priced but not too cheap otherwise it wont taste very nice!). $10 to $15 would be about the right price. ... (read in full...)
Now I've got doubts about moving in with him. Can I trust him?
Q. My boyfriend has just been telling me about some of his usual behavior in relationships, and I'm not sure what to make of it. He said he's had one relationship that lasted over 3 months and all the rest he gets bored with and wants change, so sudd...
A. 19 January 2011: Generally as a rule I would say NEVER move in with anyone until you have been with them a year - if you can last a full year then it shows that you are in a stable relationship, you are both committed to each other and this will be a long term ... (read in full...)
Should we go out just as friends or should I move on?
Q. I met a girl who I really liked a few months ago, through some friends. I got chatting and walked her home. I got her number and a couple of days later I texted her to asked if she wanted to go for a coffee. She said yes and we arranged a date. ...
A. 18 January 2011: Quite simply - you cannot 'just be friends' with someone you have feelings for, so I think you have had the right outcome here. Seeing her again, as you said yourself, would only rekindle any feelings you have for her so it is not a good idea to ... (read in full...)
I got the "snip" and can't give my girlfriend children
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years. Before I met her I had been in a 10 year relationship, and during that time I had the 'snip' because my then girkfriend already had children and didnt want any more, and I thought we would...
A. 17 January 2011: Well how about you think about the other options first and discuss with your girlfriend what she would like to do?
First of all, your girlfriend is 26 so there are a good few more years before her age will become a problem for having kids - theref... (read in full...)
How do you find out your partner's ring size without giving the game away?
Q. Hi all. First of all, I'm not thinking of popping the question, at least yet, just in case you get that impression from my question lol. I'm just curous as to how you find out your partners ring size when it comes to buying an engagement ring with...
A. 11 January 2011: There are a few options for you men when you propose:
1. Easiest option (but less romantic) - no ring. You can still get down on one knee, and maybe compensate for the lack of ring with an extra special proposal, and having no ring would not be a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 months is away a lot in Army. is it a good idea to have a baby now?
Q. I'm 19 (20 at the end of 2011) I'm currently with my boyfriend who is 22 we have been together for 3 months and are living together (ano sounds crazy) he is in the army and is away a lot but recently we have decided to have a baby after a ...
A. 11 January 2011: No. Having a baby would be VERY foolish, you have been together for 3 months! Come on, are you seriously thinking that you know each other well enough and have got past the honeymoon phase of the relationship to know that this will last forever?
... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 11 January 2011: Look - the issue here is that neither girl is right for you, if you could combine the looks of the Latvian with the personality of the Australian you would have your dream girl, right?
So that conclusively proves that neither girl CAN EVER mak... (read in full...)
Did my cherry pop?
Q. ok so here is my problem over thanksgiving break me and my boyfriend were making out and getting really into it so he fingered me but when he did i was on my period but he didnt care so my question is how do i kno if my "cherry popped"?...
A. 11 January 2011: Well if by this question you are asking - did I lose my virginity - then the answer is no. If you are asking if your hymen is broken - then it could well be, yes.
But your hymen is VERY different to your virginity - the only way to lose your vir... (read in full...)
Will my babies be born with problems?
Q. I was married to my first cousin 5 month ago….now I want be a mother. But I have herd that the baby born for relatives are born with physical or mental problem. Please help me....
A. 10 January 2011: This website should help: http://www.hgc.gov.uk/Client/Content.asp?ContentId=741
But just to summarise their key points:
- the overall risk to first cousins having children rises to about six in every 100 births, i.e. double the risk in the ... (read in full...)
I'm capable of everything but romance. Help!
Q. I'm a big overachiever in the arts. I'm applying for a well-respected art college in February, I'm in 2 bands, and I'm a performing dancer now. Not to brag, but I find I don't have much difficulty getting good at things, and I do all of the things I ...
A. 7 January 2011: Quite simply - because you still have feelings for your ex and until these are gone you wont be able to have feelings for anyone else.
With your ex being in your band, this means presumably that you still spend a lot of time together. And beca... (read in full...)
My friends are trying to convince me the age gap is a problem
Q. I'm 20 and my current boyfriend is 33, we've been together for 10 months or so. We met via work (we play pro badminton) and I used to play mixed doubles for a little while before we got together, which is where we initially got to know each other. (...
A. 7 January 2011: Well it seems like you make each other happy and have a great relationship - so right now, then I would say no the age gap is not to big.
But the only issue that could arise is what you want from the future. Do you want marriage and kids? Do... (read in full...)
Will he leave his girlfriend so I can be with him?
Q. hi, so i met this guy for the pass 6 months and from day 1 he seem like he like me and we will spend hour talking and getting to know more about each other. but since day 1 i knew he had a girlfriend and he know i knew about it through my sister (he ...
A. 7 January 2011: Ok - to put this quite simply - men who cheat never leave their girlfriends/wives for their other woman, you are just his bit of fun on the side and he will marry this girl and never ever will be with you.
I know it is hard to accept because ... (read in full...)
Should I write a testimonial for a former flame to help him find love on a dating site?
Q. Does it show some class to write a good testimonial (voucher) for someone you still have feelings for, on a dating site? We ended up being just friends (platonic) since the distance was to hard to maintain any type of intimate relationship. I...
A. 7 January 2011: Quite simply - No. It would put women off rather than helping him to find love. If I saw a man's profile online where an ex had written a comment about how wonderful he is etc I would immediately think 'warning sign - there is still an ex who has ... (read in full...)
Why is he looking at porn when he has an available, willing wife in his bed??
Q. My husband and I are both in our twenties and have only been married a few months. We're expecting our first child and ever since we've been together I've always been very sexual with him. Since I've been pregnant, my sex drive has doubled and Ive ...
A. 5 January 2011: Well if you are having sex 5 times a week then that is great and shows that clearly he is really into you still and loves having sex with you.
The problem here is the lies and secrecy - so just talk to him about it. My guess is that he is worried ... (read in full...)
Should I bother considering him in my future if he doesn't consider me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we are both university students, though I graduate this year and he graduates next year. Obviously I am thinking about what my options are in terms of finding a job when I graduate and where I would like ...
A. 5 January 2011: This is a very common problem in University-based relationships - the time you are together as students is amazing and because you are a student, you are too busy living for 'now' to think about the future. You only think as far ahead as the next ... (read in full...)
Why is he looking at porn when he has an available, willing wife in his bed??
Q. My husband and I are both in our twenties and have only been married a few months. We're expecting our first child and ever since we've been together I've always been very sexual with him. Since I've been pregnant, my sex drive has doubled and Ive ...
A. 5 January 2011: Ok well even so, all the other reasons I gave still apply. 99% of men do it and they all do it for the reasons I mentioned, it is not because they dont like sex or they prefer porn - it is just an easier option when they are looking for a release. ... (read in full...)
Why is he looking at porn when he has an available, willing wife in his bed??
Q. My husband and I are both in our twenties and have only been married a few months. We're expecting our first child and ever since we've been together I've always been very sexual with him. Since I've been pregnant, my sex drive has doubled and Ive ...
A. 5 January 2011: Ok, in a nutshell, this is why men use porn:
1. It is an escape. It is like a fantasy world where they can just escape real life and induldge - like when women fantasise about George Clooney or whoever when masturbating, it is the same thing fo... (read in full...)
Friend's cheating boyfriend, could he give her an STD?
Q. A friend of mine and I were debating over STD's. Her boyfriend has been cheating on her with at least 5 other women repeatedly, as well as still having sex with her. Although they've all been tested (her, her bf, and his other girls) , a differen...
A. 5 January 2011: Well if they are having unprotected sex (i.e no condoms) there is always a chance someone could get an STD in a situation like this. Chances are, his 5+ other women have other partners too, and they may not be getting tested. Or these women may say ... (read in full...)
Helpful advice wanted on my FWB situation
Q. I am looking for some advice or suggestions on what I should do in my current situation with my Friends With Benefits guy. disclaimer: this is long! Last March I broke up with my bf of 4 years as we fell too much into the "just friends" ca...
A. 4 January 2011: Ok this is really quite simple - you have allowed feelings to be involved with a FWB, whereas he has just kept this purely FWB.
IF you are going to have a successful FWB relationship then NO feelings, under any circumstances, can be present.... (read in full...)
I told my close friend that I liked him and now I'm wondering if I was wrong?
Q. I have been very close with this guy I met and we have been friends. He emphasized on the being friends until he recently told me he liked me and was attracted to me. Then a few days later, I told him I did like him too but that's about it. Don't ...
A. 4 January 2011: Well you have both said you like each other - so what's the problem?! Just text him or call him and arrange to go out, make sure you flirt with him while you are out together and then take it from there. With any luck he will pick up on the signs ... (read in full...)
Men: If your woman is satisfying you, why do you need porn?
Q. Ok first off, I’m not married, but I keep having this fear of my future husband watching porn. I understand that most men watch porn but why? If your woman is satisfying you why do you need it? Many men say they need variety, but is that fair? Women ...
A. 23 December 2010: Ok, in a nutshell, this is why men use porn:
1. It is an escape. It is like a fantasy world where they can just escape real life and induldge - like when women fantasise about George Clooney or whoever when masturbating, it is the same thing fo... (read in full...)
Would society think our relationship is wrong?
Q. i know that this may sound wrong okay but here goes. i am 16 he is 27 we are in love okay and i no that may sound naive but we have been in a strong relationship for about 8 months i am almost 17. well we have a lot of respect for each other a...
A. 23 December 2010: Well legally there is nothing wrong with it - you are over the age of 16 so legally your relationship is fine.
Personally, if I saw a 27 year old man with a 16 year old I would wonder what is wrong with him. I would think he has some issues i... (read in full...)
Should I wait? Or have sex at 14?
Q. ok i am 14 and my boyfriend is 17 and we have been talking about sex for the past 2 months, i have been with him for the 6 months...We are in love and we are Virgins i have very high expectations from my family and i dont want to tell them that i ...
A. 23 December 2010: Well first things first, you must be aware that it is illegal for you to have sex and it will be classed as statutory rape because he is 3 years older than you - therefore he could get into a lot of trouble with the police and even go to prison. ... (read in full...)
I feel she's going to dump me. And I don't know what to do about it
Q. I've been with my girl friend for 4 months now and I love her more then anything. But she never seems to notice me. I mean I got her a nice £8 watch for Xmas. She got me the black eyed peas album. I feel like I haven't got her enough. She doesn't ...
A. 23 December 2010: Have you actually spoken to her about how you feel?
Strangers on the internet cannot tell you what is wrong with your relationship and who's fault it is - the only thing that you can do to solve this is to COMMUNICATE. That is what makes relation... (read in full...)
What guys do like red heads? Seems like Blondes are favorites.
Q. I've heard people say that most guys like red heads. Is that true? cause it seems like the blonde's are the favorites for sure.... What guys do like red heads?...
A. 23 December 2010: I dont know who has told you that 'most' guys like red heads - that is nonsense. Hair colour is only a tiny part of attraction, and if the girl has a good body, nice eyes, great smile and is confident - then the hair colour is not going to make much ... (read in full...)
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