| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Is it wrong to pursue a guy? Or do I have to be chased?
Q. is there a proper dating process? Ive hung out with this guy a cpl of times, we talk a lot here and there. After we met he had implied he wanted to kiss me, so when I saw him the next time (he made me dinner/movie - it was nice) I thought it was g...
A. 21 May 2010: Ah ha!
You have a shred interest. Cooking. Now a challenge is almost as good as an invitation. So next time you are in the cookie mood, call him up and invite him over. He is ducking the commitment issue. You need to build some more bridges ... (read in full...)
I accused my husband of having affairs for 23 years and now he has left me, but I cannot accept it is finally over!
Q. I am a lunatic. I accused my husband of having affairs for all 23 years of my marriage. Then he filed for a divorce. Now I cannot stop asking him to take me back. I send rude sms everyday and I am either very nice or i swear rant and rave at him ...
A. 21 May 2010: You cant decide if you want to drive him away or chain him down. 23 years is a long time to put up with that. Right now he is just so relieved to come home at night and not hear jealous accusations. He probably thinks you are mentally unstable ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to pursue a guy? Or do I have to be chased?
Q. is there a proper dating process? Ive hung out with this guy a cpl of times, we talk a lot here and there. After we met he had implied he wanted to kiss me, so when I saw him the next time (he made me dinner/movie - it was nice) I thought it was g...
A. 21 May 2010: It depends on what he expects. The trouble is that we don't know what to expect from the "new" male. Traditionally, Yes on the cookies, no on the planing a date. But he is telling you he doesn't plan. Then to complicate it further he cooked for ... (read in full...)
I'm not allowed to have coffee with a girlfriend and I have a curfew 8 p.m. set by my husband!
Q. This is my story. I've been married for 15 years. I was married young. My husband is a good person, never cheated, helps out with cleaning, making suppers. Isn't very affectionate, but let's me know in different ways how he feels for me. My p...
A. 19 May 2010: No you are not over reacting. He is over controlling. His methods of control are very sneaky and make you feel guilty for doing everyday regular things. That makes them abusive. You two need to get into a counselor. The evidence is that you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just dumped me, and I just found out that his ex is his current housemate...
Q. My boyfriend just dumped me, and i found out that his housemate is actually his ex girlfriend, and he never told me. I got really angry. isn't that something you would tell a new girlfriend? he always had me stay over his house too, yet never told ...
A. 19 May 2010: Thanks for writing back. It seems that your ex is like a certain Woman I know. She forms very strong relations with all of her friends. Often she makes bad decisions in order to "be there" for a friend. Her connections to her friends will mess ... (read in full...)
Leaving for a month, what should my boyfriend and I do?
Q. Hi, I really need some advice. Im 15 and a freshman and I met this great guy this year. We go to the same school but we never really talked much but a while ago we started talking and now we are boyfriend and girlfriend. We been toghter for 2 months ...
A. 18 May 2010: At 15 I wouldn't give up the summer of love for a boy who may or may not be there when you get back. Just have a friendly parting. You need to meet more guys. That is why your parents restrict your dating. There is no need to be exclusive when ... (read in full...)
Marry here, marry there... marry where?
Q. I have one more year in school,i should graduate in the fall of 2011, and within one or two months of graduation i plan to move to mexico with my boyfriend. what we want to do is get married here in court and then have a church wedding in mexico ...
A. 18 May 2010: Well, I haven't a clue on the legal issues of marriage in other countries. But I am a big fan of simple rings. Maybe too simple to be "beautiful" in your eyes. I like a traditional gold band. 6mm or 1/4"wide with a milled edge. Go for the ... (read in full...)
Diet causing weaker erections?
Q. Hello I know this is not a health site, but I am sure that having some extra pointers or thoughts on my situation I'll have more clarity as I am somewhat baffled. I am 26yrs old, male, in moderate shape, I do not exercise, but I am in good s...
A. 18 May 2010: Out of necessity I end up researching this too much. Lately I found that zinc can play a part in it. If you are having trouble getting a good diet, take a regular supplement. It is relatively cheap and very safe. Liquid supplements like ensure ... (read in full...)
What was this feeling I experienced?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were messing around and stuff and i started having this like tickling feeling near my vag and like i started breathing really hard. What was going on?...
A. 18 May 2010: Sounds like arousal to me. The tickling sensation is from blood rushing to the affected area. The heavy breathing goes with. Just your body getting ready for sexual intercourse. Perfectly normal.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just dumped me, and I just found out that his ex is his current housemate...
Q. My boyfriend just dumped me, and i found out that his housemate is actually his ex girlfriend, and he never told me. I got really angry. isn't that something you would tell a new girlfriend? he always had me stay over his house too, yet never told ...
A. 18 May 2010: Thanks Cherry Blossom, you did a fine job of interpreting "Guy". I might have explained the hunter gather thing a bit differently, but you got the main gist.
While we understand why he was thinking the way he did, he was still wrong because ... (read in full...)
I don't love my boyfriend!
Q. Yes i have a bf, but i don't love him. .i know he loves me so much but i don't have feelings for him. .i really need someone to love,how do i get a guy to truely love....
A. 18 May 2010: Long distance relationship, easy stop opening his email. Block the account. Don't answer the phone. You are already hurting him. The longer this goes on the more you are hurting him. You both need to get into relationships that require face to ... (read in full...)
How can I show him I love him when we have never spoken before?
Q. I am in love with someone but we haven't talked at all how do i show this person that i really love him, what can i do to win him over?...
A. 18 May 2010: To win him over, you need to take interest in the things he is interested in. Be at the places that he is at. Talk to him a lot. Don't try to possess him, or control him. Free your mind of your own desires, and make his needs your priority. ... (read in full...)
I don't love my boyfriend!
Q. Yes i have a bf, but i don't love him. .i know he loves me so much but i don't have feelings for him. .i really need someone to love,how do i get a guy to truely love....
A. 18 May 2010: What is your definition of "truly love"?
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just dumped me, and I just found out that his ex is his current housemate...
Q. My boyfriend just dumped me, and i found out that his housemate is actually his ex girlfriend, and he never told me. I got really angry. isn't that something you would tell a new girlfriend? he always had me stay over his house too, yet never told ...
A. 18 May 2010: If she hadn't been his Ex, you would have still felt jealousy towards her. Hindsight is 20/20. You ask why he didn't tell you in the first place, well if he had would you have given him a chance? He mistakenly thinks he can maintain a friendly ... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 18 May 2010: And more information pours in. The picture is really changing rapidly now. We have more past and a better understanding of what you want.
Westmoreland, Who obviously didn't share your husbands catholic upbringing, seems to have hit it on the h... (read in full...)
Places to meet quality women
Q. Hey im newly single just broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months a few weeks ago and i needed some advice. Im 23, and a recent college grad. My girlfriend was a great person but i just wasnt ready for a serious relationship, she is a few years ...
A. 17 May 2010: I have talked about "casual dating" before and I guess I should define the term better. I believe it is for younger people who are not ready to make a commitment to a long term relationship. When I say "casual dating" I mean dating in groups in ... (read in full...)
I am now on a bitter liver...
Q. Alright...--- Well I guess I should start explaining my spot in life. I'm a freshman in highschool and I'm an all around person kinda girl. I never believed in friends but always acquaintences. Just to keep wild emotions out. Im patient, reassur...
A. 16 May 2010: I'm glad to hear you are talking to someone. I'm a little worried that you are just trying to stay distracted. I see how that is helping you to cope and it is necessary. I hope there is also some treatment going on. That may be harder for you to ... (read in full...)
Have never loved my wife of 19 years, I want to leave
Q. I am 39 years old married to 39 year old wife for 19 years. We have been together since High School, we dated for four years before getting married. I don't know if I am having a "mid-life crisis" or what, but I have been unable to shake thoughts ...
A. 16 May 2010: Thanks for looking into IMS. The Angry and irritable statement led me to that conclusion. I'm also Diabetic and have never had that intensive blood work done. Generally when a person writes that the have never really loved their spouse on ... (read in full...)
Have never loved my wife of 19 years, I want to leave
Q. I am 39 years old married to 39 year old wife for 19 years. We have been together since High School, we dated for four years before getting married. I don't know if I am having a "mid-life crisis" or what, but I have been unable to shake thoughts ...
A. 15 May 2010: You have IMS, an affair is not going to cure that. Your whole story doesn't add up.
You didn't rush to marriage, you waited 5 years.
You didn't rush to children, you waited another 5 years.
You still fathered a child only 4 years ago... (read in full...)
Why is my friend behaving so weird with me?
Q. Why is my friend behaving so weird? i thought it would pass but its gone on for so long now! Hes said stuff in the past such as we;re great friends, we will always be friends, i'll never fall out with you, i love you(as a friend). But....
A. 14 May 2010: I looked at this this morning and I thought that yep, that is one weird situation. So I back burnered it to see what anyone would say.
Now it's been 7 hours since your question and no one has an answer for you.
Some people clam up (stop ta... (read in full...)
Would my tongue bar get caught on his braces?!
Q. i had my tongue pierced last year and i now hardly notice it. and theres this guy i like who's quite open to piercings n stuff, we're getting along great and we've kissed a couple of times but not snogged. i was wondering if you had any tips for...
A. 14 May 2010: Well it is good to hear that the braces are coming off. Also thanks for responding to my concern about your list.
FA... (read in full...)
Would my tongue bar get caught on his braces?!
Q. i had my tongue pierced last year and i now hardly notice it. and theres this guy i like who's quite open to piercings n stuff, we're getting along great and we've kissed a couple of times but not snogged. i was wondering if you had any tips for...
A. 14 May 2010: Locked braces, accidentally swallowed earrings, these were the fears of kids back in the 80's. Now it's getting your tongue bar locked in his braces. I suppose you will need color coordinated tattoos for the prom next. Sorry I know your question ... (read in full...)
I am a virgin, should I forget this non-virgin girl?
Q. Hello, I'm 22 and from a Greek Orthodox Christian background. I'm still a virgin, not because it has been drummed into me that it is a sin to sleep around but because I choose to respect women and the fact that I only want to make love to a woman ...
A. 14 May 2010: Vilo,
You have set yourself a standard, a line in the sand so to say. That is commendable. You also have the unusual good sense to know that sex is best shared in committed relationships.
I do think that you don't need to limit your self ... (read in full...)
The guy I fancy told my friend he thinks I am unattractive! How can I get over him?
Q. help! I like my semi-friend (he's a guy) but he doesn't like me back. in fact, he told one of my friends he finds me unattractive! how can I get over him?...
A. 14 May 2010: I'll tell you what I told my Daughter once.
I know it hurts. You feel rejected. That pain is part of life. Take your time and grieve the loss. You don't want to hear this because you are still emotionally attached to him, but there will be ... (read in full...)
How can I eject everyone out of my life?
Q. Hi guys. I have a really difficult question and I hope you can help me. I have the opposite problem to most people. Most people try to attract plenty of friends into their life. But I want to get almost everyone out of my life. I am anti-social a...
A. 12 May 2010: Hi Bruce,
Hello everyone,
I have been talking with Bruce for quite some time now. Despite his handicap, he always brings up interesting questions. He is well aware of his problems but is often frustrated with social situations because of t... (read in full...)
Married and sex is mundane...should I cheat?
Q. I really need some help. I am currently married. My wife is pregnant. About 2 months. I don't understand myself. I love her very very much. However, I can't help but feel an urge to cheat; and I don't know why! I've even registered on so...
A. 12 May 2010: Thanks Q, I was really trying to figure out where to go with this one. Taking turns is obviously one of the things they should do.
FA... (read in full...)
Guys: how would you prefer a girl to tell you she likes you?
Q. I really want to approach a guy and tell him I like him, would any guys care to share the way they would like this done for them? What is your ideal setting for a girl to telly ou she likes you I get your all different but if I can get general...
A. 12 May 2010: I was always attracted to a girl who would spend time with me. Who would take an interest in things I like to do. Complements don't hurt but sometimes they can make me bashful.
I don't like girls who try to get to physical too fast. Touching... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and seeing a 15 year old girl, is this wrong?
Q. I'm so confused right now, I've been hanging out with this girl for the last few weeks and we got on really well, then we admitted we have feelings for eachother and so I asked her to be my girlfriend yesterday, she said yes which I was overjoyed ...
A. 12 May 2010: You asked the wrong question. 2 years is not a long time or a big age gap, but. . .
there are a couple of lines between 15 and 17 that make you feel the way you do. The legal age of consent in the UK is the one you mentioned. The other is... (read in full...)
Do you think he should break up with me?
Q. Ok, first of all, I don't want any silly comments like: "you're an idiot, he should dump you, dumb b*tch." I already know. Anyways, so I went to Mexico without my boyfriend (we have been dating for a year and a half) and one night I got really ...
A. 12 May 2010: No, I don't think he should break up with you. I'm older and have learned that long term happiness is more important than my pride. He may not have figured that out yet.
Now you know what you did wrong. You went out with guys, and alcohol,... (read in full...)
Does she want me to break up with her, but can't tell me? Should I stay?
Q. i have been with my girlfreind 6.5 years, we were planning to live together, now out of the blue she says she is just not happy, talked about feelings but she is reluctant to be openand just says she dont know whether we should split, this has ...
A. 12 May 2010: This is a very bad sign. It is interesting that her loss of interest in you, coincides with your finally making the commitment to live together. The honeymoon is over, the rush of new love has faded. Now that she has accomplished all her goals, ... (read in full...)
Why is she mad at me for trying to keep the sparks going?
Q. I need some help understanding my wife. So my work schedule has made it hard for us to spend time together, let alone be intimate. I was working and called her, it went to voicemail. She called me back and said, "Sorry, I was in the shower." she was ...
A. 12 May 2010: Just a guess, but she isn't getting enough Emotional stimulation from you. She gets enough financial support and sexual stimulation. But not enough Hugs and "I love you"s. Sounds like she knows you think she is attractive, But she's not sure you ... (read in full...)
Guys who say they aren't ready for relationships..yeah right
Q. So I have a question that has been bugging me. Four years ago I had just arrived at college. I met this guy first at the club and I hooked up with him. The day after I realized I just wasn't interested in the guy I met at the club however I did ...
A. 9 May 2010: So you want a guys input, The world changes in 3 months. Football is over and Nascar is up. In other words look at the other things in our lives. Yes a guys readiness for a relationship can change over night. And this is not strictly a male ... (read in full...)
I am really, really Jealous and grossed out about my wife's past sex life
Q. I have been with my wife for 5years, we have been married for 4 years. I love her with all my heart. I love her so much that I believe if we had met at any time in my life no matter what I was doing or what I had going on at the time, I would have ...
A. 9 May 2010: Hey Taz,
Let me explain a christian belief to you. You may or may not believe it but it may help you get through this.
As Christians we believe that we can be forgiven for mistakes we made in the past. Part of that process is that we become "... (read in full...)
He says I have a special place in his heart..what does that mean?
Q. i have intense feelings for my close friend-we have the deepest conversations and get on amazingly well. he calls me 7/8 times a day and we're always on the phone for ages. i know i love him but cant ask if he feels the same way as hes told me hes ...
A. 9 May 2010: I may be missing a cultural context here. But if I said that it would mean that He loves you in a family way, not in a romantic way. That would also explain why he is trying to dissuade you from pursuing him. Sorry.
FA... (read in full...)
I like him but he likes her and I want him to like me
Q. Hey guys! right, i have a problem, obviously. There's this guy i like, and i have done for a few months, ever since we met at this party, well ive been seeing a lot of him because i hang out with his mates and everything, and it's not just me, som...
A. 8 May 2010: "You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else, you just can't win. And so it goes until the day you die. This thing called love it's gonna make you cry."
Sorry, I couldn't resist. What you need to do depends a lot on how the othe... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: Cindy,
I guess I'm some sort of wimp, I've never revived in 15 minutes in my life. And 24 hours at 45 is pretty rare now. Of course getting an opportunity twice in 24 hours is rare as well. Perhaps if I had had an opportunity every 15 minutes ... (read in full...)
He can only cum once is that normal?
Q. My boyfriend can only ejaculate once in a day, or so. Last weekend we had sex on the friday at about 5.00. I stayed the night and we had sex again in the morning at about 11. The thing is he couldn't come. We had sex for about 40 minutes, then he ...
A. 6 May 2010: The short answer is yes that's normal. You women should have pity on us poor men who have more desire and less ability.
In some instances a man can have more ejaculations in a day. Youth is a very helpful factor, but it is not the only fac... (read in full...)
How do I stop people bullying me?
Q. I understand that no-one is perfect, but I have experienced so much bullying in my life that I am starting to lose trust in people. Wherever I go, I am being targeted by bullies for no reason. I don't know if it has anything to do with my Asperger's ...
A. 6 May 2010: The usual advice for bullying is to stand up to them. I know that we are taught to be kind and control our temper. Those attitudes are right in a normal situation. Bullying is an abnormal situation. It can't be treated using a normal approach. ... (read in full...)
Mother/daughter relationship is horrible!
Q. my relationship with my mother is terrible. We cant stay in the same room without having a arguement. The thing is i dont like her attitude...she screams and shouts a lot over tiny things which makes me mad n i say stuff i shouldnt and it turns in...
A. 5 May 2010: You are at an age when many mothers and daughters have falling outs. A lot of it comes from the natural jealousy of two adult women sharing the same house.
Being adult you want to do things your way. Your mom is not used to that and thinks y... (read in full...)
Do I tell his fiance what we did?
Q. A week ago, I went for a walk with an engaged guy, and somehow we ended up kissing and feeling each other up. The day after, we met up and things went further (but we didn't sleep together or anything.) The thing is, I am 15 and have never had much ...
A. 5 May 2010: You don't need to feel guilty for being taken advantage of. Talk to your parents. Legally you were led astray by a mature adult. Yes people are going to get hurt. A marriage may not happen because of this. The question to ask is should that ... (read in full...)
What have I done to be totally ostracised and ignored so blatantly?
Q. Decision Junction - with zero signposts. Dear Cupid, I very rarely ask for help which I suppose is a terrible weakness really, but here I am, willing to share my problem with some genuine and caring people because, frankly, I'm totally baf...
A. 5 May 2010: Probably nothing you have done. Probably the result of his new partners demands. All in all, your friend has trouble responding emotionally in a proper way so you should not expect this wild change in his life to be handled properly.
I also hav... (read in full...)
It seems she would be happy to never have sex again! How do I talk to her about this?
Q. Well, I am obviously an idiot. First off my wife and I have a good marriage, she just isn't interested in sex (when we talk about it she says she can't explain other than she just isn't interested)it has been since Jan '09. For reference we have ...
A. 5 May 2010: Get her into a doctor. Unless she has some twisted religious reason for not wanting sex. A decline in sex drive is normal, but a total cut off sounds chemical. At this point in your life with your youngest in school all day she should be on the ... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 4 May 2010: Ginger,
We are closing in on this. You two are communicating better than I thought. In a minute I'm going to attempt a translation for you. First I'm going to talk about communication. You say he will discuss sexual topics with you for a li... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 3 May 2010: All good questions Ginger. What you are trying to do is to allow you husband to have sexual stimulation from another source than you. You are being open and thinking about his pleasure. Those are healthy attitudes on your part. But, Yes, you ... (read in full...)
I bought him a "man's" magazine but he tried to downplay his enjoyment! Surely a man would be thrilled his wife bought him such a thing?
Q. Looking for a man's perspective... I bought my husband a popular men's magazine because I get turned on at the thought of him being turned on by looking at other women. I am 100% straight, but I also get turned on by the magazines. Wh...
A. 2 May 2010: You are taking a solo activity and trying to make it a shared activity. He is unsure how to handle this. Rightfully so. There are plenty of women out there who would do exactly this as a "test". You are going to have to lead him along. Cuddle ... (read in full...)
I am now on a bitter liver...
Q. Alright...--- Well I guess I should start explaining my spot in life. I'm a freshman in highschool and I'm an all around person kinda girl. I never believed in friends but always acquaintences. Just to keep wild emotions out. Im patient, reassur...
A. 30 December 2009: You have some good advice here, but one thing is missing, you need a counselor. You are hurt and you need a professional to help you put the pieces back together. Since you live in the US I know there are resources available to you. Your school ... (read in full...)
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