A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok, has anyone ever encountered this before? my husband, well ex now once asked if he went and got someone pregnant would i help him raise it? i told him no im too old i have already raised my children. oh we could not have any together because of a tubeligaztion. well he has gotten a yung girl pregnant, and im almost sure if it does not wok out with the two of them he will be asking me to take him back, even though he says he will never come back and that we can only be friends. i see him wanting me to help him with the child. would you do this if you still loved him?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Under the circumstanecs you've described? No.
I would not remain friends with him, so taking him back would be out of the question. I wouldn't be hostile with him, but he isn't someone I would call a friend and continued assocation with him would only cause you stress.
It was cowardly and immature of him to pose such a big question as a hypothetical, rather than just come right out and admit what he'd done.
Nope. I would not take him back under any circumstances.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): Heck NO, no way really, move on with your life, if he cheated on you, he's not trustworthy and doesn't love or respect you either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 February 2013):
 Nope, no, no way in HADES, if he is an ex and wants nothing but for me to RAISE his kid and "friendship" I'd simply just cut him off - because all he really wants is to "dump" the kid on you.
Seems to me that you may love this guy, but does that mean he can just take full on advantage of you?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I helped raise a stepdaughter... she was 9 when I became "mom" and i had her for ten years....
I would NOT take back a man who went out impregnated someone and then wanted me to raise the baby. In fact, it almost seems as if the whole scenario is preplanned to set you up to be the caretaker of a child you are not related to.
and as the great Tina Turner once said "what's love got to do with it?"
see this is not about love imo.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2013):
I wouldnt raise another mans child under almost any circumstances. (Save that man is a blood relation to me or something like that.) I have enough of my own responsibilities and problems, I dont need those of another man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): My friend L's husband got another woman pregnant whilst they were married and as she was a bit crazy he asked L if they could take on the baby. L was dead set against it as she knew she would always feel resentful. It was awful and he even now is always poppig round there. L has seen the child who is now 6 - 3 times and she says it is like being stabbed with a knife each timeIn your situation I would not consider this in a million years. Think of all the trouble and the baby mama drama to come, her wanting him back, him feeling torn, never being 100% sure where he is etc etc. If you are thinking this is a way to get him back by offering such a service then you are not looking at it properly. You will end up hurt and upset by this. Why want someone back who has done such a horrid thing to you. I can only assume his desire to have a biological child was huge but he has done this at your expense. Don'e accept any of his blackmailing nonsense either. This is far too much to take on board or get over.
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A
female
reader, Sylph +, writes (14 February 2013):
Put your feelings aside, and think with your mind, this man is using you, and is taking advantage of your love for him! This is called manipulation if he knows you love him, which makes it even worse!! How in the world is it your fault to end up raising another couples child if a pig like him wanted to sleep arounf with girls half his age, for christs sake, tell the irresponsible dog to keep it in his pants if he cant even raise a child on his own, a child in which you have NOTHING to do with. Is anybidy but me feeling thie indignation! Seeing the indecency of this!! Feeling the sadness for that poor child that was probably the result of failed contraception... End your relaionship, friendship, whatever u wanna call it, with this psychotic manipulative man immediately.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Heck no ! Why should I - if I were in my right mind ?
I would help raising another woman's child with a CURRENT partner, if he had had the child before meeting me. And, perhaps,... just only perhaps, I would help him raise the child that he could have had from another woman DURING our relationship, if I had sincerely found it in my heart to forgive him, and I believed he deserves a second chances and he is seriously committed to make it work for real this time.
But an EX ? an ex is an ex = out of my life, and exes are exes for a reason. Plus , it's a lot of cheek asking YOU to raise his kid just because you are, supposedly, " friends " . So what ? I bet you have , or you could surely make, single friends with kids... and they are'nt counting on you to raise their kids, are they ?
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 In short, I would NEVER help an EX raise their kid/s. They are an EX. EX means no longer.
Why would you want him back after this? Sounds like a great man that one. Move on and find someone else; a REAL man. Not a loser like this one.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Personally, if he did come back I'd say no to taking him back and no to taking care of the child. It's really his and the mother's responsibility to sort it out between them as they have made this choice themselves. It's just unfortunate that the child has no choice but it really isn't your concern.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (14 February 2013):
At the moment you are speculating and maybe wishing. Lets say the opportunity of getting back with him does arise, then I would not help him to raise another woman`s child. Not because I was rejecting the child, but because I would not be taking HIM back. I think you need to try and start getting your own life without him now. He does not sound very good.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I think your main concern at this moment should be trying to make yourself "unlove" him and try to move on. The only good thing about him wanting to get back with you should be you can have the pleasure of telling him NO. He does not sound like he deserves you back. If it does not work out for him and he does ask you back, you should be offended, because it would be an insult.
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A
male
reader, Joey Notice +, writes (14 February 2013):
I really think it is time to try and move on from him now.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
That's an awful lot of speculation there.
I'd do whatever you want when the time comes. That time hasn't come so I'd stop worrying about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): No you should not do it because it would be unhealthy for you and would reinforce bad qualities in him. First of all he is your ex so why do you even care what he does with whom. Why do you even care if he gets anyone pregnant. That is his problem. The fact you still care what he does means you need to move on and learn to accept that he is not a part of your life anymore.Secondly, you are predicting that if things don't work out between him and his new young gf, that he will come crawling back just because he wants help handling the mess he got himself into. If this is true why would you even consider going along with it. You need to move on. Why allow yourself to be treated as damaged goods, only being taken back (he sees it as HE is taking YOU back not the other way round) if someone else dumps him. Why would you put yourself into such a lowly position. Don't say its for love. This isn't love this is emotional neediness that is so unhealthy and severe that you will disregard your dignity and willfully deatroy your own self esteem for it.
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