A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My BF has been divorced for 10 years+ approx. The problem I am having is he is friends with the ex wife. I try to be okay about it but really I am not. I have just given birth to his son about 20 days ago. Bf doesn't have any kids with her but they still talk - she has a nine yr old boy by someone else and is a single mother - never got with anyone else after him. He apparently ended their relationship as he felt she was using him for money. I know he was v generous to her when they were together. He is currently unemployed at the mo and looking for work while I have been carrying him along like a wife for all this time. He has even said to me he now considers her like family since they were married so long ago, 10 years. Now, since they don't have any kids together and he makes out like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me am I wrong for feeling they shouldn't talk? She joked on his page when he wrote on his facebook status - can someone give me an ETA of when I can finish a hot meal. I feel really offended by this. I have a little girl (not his) and I had to get him to mind her while nursing the newborn cos I couldn't see to her at the same time - now I feel he was whinging about all this behind my back while I was seeing to the newborn. It feels v unfair. Even though his relationship to his ex wife is friends and she's most likely in a relationship with someone else though not at the mo and she knows he is with me. It still really bothers me. She joked back about how her son is nine and she still doesn't know what that is..and he pressed like. I'm not jealous of her nor do I think he is cheating or would go back to her, I'm just really uncomfortable with the situation. Maybe it's because I see no reason for ex's to have any kind of relationship unless there are kids involved, in which case it would only be about the kids. If he plans on possibly spending his life with me and is so in love with me, am I being unreasonable to say that he should cut contact with the women he made love to for 10 years+? I can understand being with someone for so long they do become like your family but when you get divorced, there's a reason why your not together anymore. Why would you think it's ok to continue any sort of relationship with this person and expect your new love interest to be completely ok with it? even though he said it took him a long time to be ok to be friends with her again?!
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divorce, ex-wife, facebook, his ex, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 He sounds like a stand up guy who knows not to burn his bridges... being friends with an ex you don't need to be friends with shows what a mature person he is.
You just had a baby so you are rather hormonal now... things not meant to insult you will. I actually had my soon to be ex husband's girlfriend think that something I wrote on MY facebook wall was meant to insult her and it was NOT.... my soon to be ex mother in law intervened and we are working to get her more comfortable with my ex and I being friends.... some pepple make better friends than spouses....
A
female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 I am in the same postion. I can;t stand my BF being freinds with his ex who has his kids. it makes me very uncomfortable and i have been struggling wih it for months. PM me if ou like. :o) x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (25 October 2011):
 I actually disagree with you here if I am honest with myself. He obviously fell out of love with her and they were no good as partners but that doesn't mean that they cannot have a friendship. They did share a big part of each others lives and although you are struggling to accept it that is going to leave an impact. It sounds to me like he genuinely does just look at her as a friend now. Which I don't see as a problem at all. I am still friends with plenty of my ex's. Just because you divorce someone doesn't mean that you need to completely cut them out, in fact in should be a comfort to you to know that if you two ever did break up that he is man enough to want to remain friends.
Off course some people are not going to be comfortable about this, because everybody is different, but at the end of the day you don't really have the right to tell him that he cannot have her in his life any more as a friend. Because this will just make you seem like the clingy one and he will only resent you for it. I guess you just need to decide weather you can put up with it or not, and if it is worth risking your relationship over. Good luck.
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