A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For almost two years I have been attracted to a married colleague at work. He has 3 kids. I myself am also married with 2 kids. My husband works in another country so I only get to see him other every 2-3 months. It initially started just a simple crush. But as I got to know him, my feelings for him deepened. Especially there were times when I would feel and think that he also has feelings for me. We became good friends. I knew what I felt for him was wrong and over the course of the two years I have tried really hard to work on getting over my feelings for him. But I wasn't successful. I was in love with him already but I have never told him what I felt for him nor made any move to express this. I eventually decided to move out of the country to be with my husband. I resigned from the company. Two days before I will leave the country, he called me at home and told me that he had feelings for me. I then admitted my feelings for him. He told me that inspite of our feelings for each other, it will be better if we just remain good friends for the sake of our families. I left the country with a very heavy heart. I tried to call, email, text him but so far he has ignored me. The one time he did answer my call, he told me that it will be better if we dont be friends anymore because I crossed the boundaries of friendship, that he is happily married, that he was sorry for having lead me on and that time will be the last time we will be communicating with each other. I was devastated. I have been depressed for the past two months trying to move on. But it is just so hard. Though i admit that I am in love with him, I never wanted to be in a relationship with him out of love for my husband and kids. I was hoping that we could have stayed friends. But now, I lost his friendship. If I could have done things over again, I really wished I never admitted to him my feelings, then maybe I still have his friendship. Does time really heal wounds? Will I ever get to move on? Should I keep on reaching out to him to get his friendship back? Or is he right that we can never be friends because I crossed the line.
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female
reader, Sarah_87  +, writes (19 April 2010):
i know how you feel on this situation. in fact i am in that situation right now, i am due to be married and i have fallen for a work colleague who is married. we text each other and stuff, he knows how i feel about him but he doesnt express his feelings for me because of his wife. its a horrible situation. and i really hope the feelings will go away, but if i cut all ties, then time will hopefully be a healer. dont message him, and if he calls don't answer. its going to be really hard and i know how you are feeling but it has to get better in time :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 April 2010):
Leave him in the past. He is happily married, and made that clear. your pursuit of him has sent him packing, very much for the best. This now gives you time to address the real problem, which is your marriage. You were looking at this other guy because your own marriage was starting to crack up. And if you're still feeling this way, it means that both you and your husband need to get to grips with the marriage.Leave this other guy in the past. He has re-evaluated his situation, and he has realized his marriage and kids are the right way forward. You must now look at your own marriage and work on it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Time is a great healer. Move on and do not contact him because it would be like reopening those old wounds again.
Get on with your own life and refocus your attentions on your own family.
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