A
male
age
30-35,
*atthew-matt
writes:I have met a girl online and we are going on a date tomorrow i know I shouldn't but I have been looking at her online activity and I saw her boyfriend had broken up with her 1 month ago. I was looking more into it and she put online just hours ago "you have no idea how hard it is for me to let you go not knowing if you are ever going to come back to me" clearly she is not over her ex I'm not sure if I should date her. Why would she date someone when she isn't over her ex? Could she be just using me? I can't talk to her about it as it will freak her out knowing I was using the net to get info about her. I know it's wrong to do so
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 That's just shitty. I'm sorry to hear that.
A
male
reader, matthew-matt +, writes (12 May 2014):
matthew-matt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all the replies with help and advise I did attend but she stood me up, I was waiting for 1 hour and she didn't show
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 Go along if you want, but be sure to keep an emotional distance to start with. If she is not over her ex (like I expect she isn`t), then it wont be long before she starts talking about him. Don`t be fooled if she starts calling him or mentioning what wrong she believes he did her, because that does not mean she does not like him, or is over him.
It is only a date at this moment.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 May 2014):
Why would she date someone when she isn't over her ex? Could she be just using me? Yes and yes.
She's dating you because you are her rebound; someone to get her mind off of her ex. Yes, she is using you. That's not to say she couldn't wind up going out with you and really liking you. But most likely, she will just use you as a tool to move on from her previous heart break. I either wouldn't go, or go, but just with little expectations.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 May 2014):
Honestly, I'd be very weary of this since it sounds like she's open to him coming back. So unless she seems amazing you may want to pass.
The "why" is definitely to either help get over him. For some people, they just can't be alone either.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (10 May 2014):
 Whatever the whys and the wherefores, she is NOT over her EX. Getting together with her is probably not a good idea as she is still hurting, is not emotionally ready for commitment or a relationship and is still emotionally vulnerable. Realistically, after a month she is unlikely to have moved on from her ex and her message on Facebook confirms she is still hurting and missing him. She is probably using internet dating because she is either trying to make her self feel wanted again and wants male attention to help her feel less rejected, or because she is trying to distract herself from the emotional turmoil she is feeling regarding her ex. She may want to rush into something with you to make herself feel wanted or loved to stop the feelings of loneliness and rejection. Internet dating can be a great way of meeting people, but in my experience of ID (about 5 years on and off), a lot of the users of such sites either have issues, lie about there situations or simply appear to be very odd. There are some great people and some very successful outcomes and im not suggesting you stop using dating sites, but you need to be prepared for plenty of let downs, disappointments and accepting of the fact that many people you get talking to wont be as single and emotionally ready as you would like.You have yet to meet this person so you may well be over thinking this as she may well not be someone you click with anyway when you do meet. Just bear in mind that ideally you don't want her going back to her ex at the drop of a hat just as your getting close to her. Neither do you want to get involved with a woman who may just want to be with SOMEONE rather than wanting to be with YOU. If your relaxed about dating then maybe you could give it a go, but if you are looking for someone to be in a long term, committed relationship then maybe she is not the one for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 Yes, probabaly she is not totally over her ex, but does not want to wait until she is 100% over to move on and begin dating.
Some people think that the very best way to recover from falling off a horse.. is climbing back on saddle right away.
It can be a rebound ... or it can be a just a healthy, conscious effort to open up one's heart and life again.
There's a spectrum between callously using a person, and letting that person help you start fresh... and it's up to you to see, feel , suss up where do you fall in between..
As Chigirl says,... relax, it's just a date , nobody has committed to anything yet. You don't need to tell her that you spied on her online (.. true, it's all public infos, and yet... it would weird ME out a bit ), but, if you want, you can casually steer the convo toward your love lifes and past relationships/ break ups and see what she says.. ... in fact, you probably won't even have to make the effort, if she is fresh out of a break up, she'll probably will do the tyical date blunder of venting abundantly with you about how her ex was mean to her and let her afraid of being hurt blah blah blah, LOL.
But, anyway, don't overthink it . If she accepted to come out with you, let's show her some trust and assume she honestly FEELS she is ready. That she might be wrong about that, well, it's a possibility, but why bandaging your head before it's broken .
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A
male
reader, matthew-matt +, writes (10 May 2014):
matthew-matt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't get that information from her profile I got them from other sources Social media etc, she has not once mentioned her ex to me or on her profile
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 First, I don't think it's wrong to use the net to find info about someone. Whatever they've published is out in the open, so if they are private persons who don't want anyone to know anything about them they wouldn't be publishing thing to begin with.
Second, I doubt she was talking about her ex in that post on a dating profile... Why would she do that? She was probably talking about a friend or a family member. That being said, she probably isn't over her ex, because who is after only a month? People don't heal that quickly. But just because she isn't 100% over him doesn't mean she isn't 100% ready to move on. Feelings fade in time, they don't just stop the minute you leave a relationship. So why live a life in celibacy just because feelings take time to fade? As long as she's not holding any torches for the guy or hopes that he will return to her, or still loves him with burning passion.. they it's all good.
A date is a date, not a promise of marriage. She can still date even if she's not over the ex, and who knows.. often when people fall in love with someone else the old feelings for the ex seem to fade away much quicker. And besides, dating can take time! It can take years to find someone you want to be in a relationship with. And in that time, the feelings will have faded.
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