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Why tell me about this other girl when he knows how I feel? We live in different countries

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Long distance, Online dating, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My online friend recently changed his bio from in a relationship to single after 3 weeks . I asked him about it and he said that they didn't have social media so that was why. But earlier that week he told me that he wasn't going to tell me their name as it was obvious I would go and compare myself to them.

How could I if they don't have a social media account? And for instance told me last night she was going over but he was still online all night? I want to believe him but I don't.

I do have some feelings for him, as we have done stuff on sexting, and he knows this. So he says he won't say certain things to me but yet will tell me that she's 21 and they've had sex. I'm just not 100% sure he actually has a girlfriend

Why tell me that when he knows how I feel?

I've been having some serious mental problems and he's been so sweet with me and wants (sorry needs) me to stay in his life, why does he though? We live in two separate countries so why does it matter?

View related questions: different countries, has a girlfriend, mental problems

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (4 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe does not want you developing feelings for him. You need to remove him from your life. If you are having issues with mental health then he really is not going to help as he likes to play mind games. Stop speaking to strangers online, block all contact and get out in to the real world. Make new friends, try new things.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHe could be lying about either or telling the truth about either. The problem here is that it's dragging you down and you're not moving on. Please let go of him, OP :/

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2017):

That isn't a qs we can answer .. by the information you provide I would say he could or could not have a gf however what you do know is he online all night talking and yet has a gf and has now said he's single so if he was in relationship why why why would he say that ? Hmm not logical doesn't compute ..he lying what about who know .maybe he thinks if he says another girl interested you'll get jel or something but maybe he does which makes him a liar to change his status so either way he's a liar right ?

Be a online friend if you like but I would stop any emotional attachment maybe even take some time of line ..friend zone him before your emotionas become more .

Take care happy new year too

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Is he lying about having a girlfriend or about wanting me in his life?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, stay off of your internet for a while and seek therapy. You need to cut contact with him because he's playing mind games and you're kind of obsessed with him.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (1 January 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThis guy is playing mind games with you. He is also using you to get his kicks.

He is also obviously telling your lies ....

You need to ask yourself if he is a positive influence on your life or a negative one.

From what you have told us I would say his impact is negative. Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, put the heading positive for one column and negative for the other and then list everything he does, or says and how he makes you feel, in the correct column. I am willing to bet you will run out of space in the negative column before you have even half filled the other.

However, if I am wrong with my guess, and he does add lots of positives to your life you need to decide if that is enough weighed up against the fact he claims to be in a relationship, and how that is going to impact you and him moving forward.

Your future is in YOUR hands!

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