A
female
age
41-50,
*lower77
writes:In 2016 my husband had affair whole that year I also fell pregnant with our third child during the mid of his affair. He ended it with mistress because he said he wants life with me and kids. Its now 2018 and its just hard for me now to understand why still here with me. We don't sleep in same room or bed, we argue, I have no affection from him example kissing or hugging. But when he was having the affair he would say how he was connected to the Mistress and his she made him happy. I just can't get my head around why he's here. The mistress was 3 year older then me and has no kids and living with her family. We are all in our ,40s. Why am I thinking like this? I truly love him but why do I feel like I have failed? Why do I feel he will just see her again again? He says he's been good. Interested in what others have to say.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 He said he wants a life with you and the children, but his actions are not matching his words. It is possible he did not want to walk out on his children, yet he is living with you as a room mate, not as husband and wife. Did you both have counselling after this affair? If not then I would highly suggest that you do. You both need to work out your marriage if you are going to stay together. At the moment it sounds like you are both unhappy.
You should not feel like you failed here, he is the one that failed. He is the one that cheated and had an affair. You forgave him, yet he is still not trying very hard to win you back. It has been two years. It really is now time for make or break. You both need to work out what it is you want. The children will also pick up that there is no love been showing between you both. I cannot say if he will have another affair or not, but you both really do need to start communicating with each other if it is going to work.
A
male
reader, DarrellG  +, writes (4 March 2018):
 I would strongly echo what Honeypie said in many ways. Having said that it is completely natural and understandable that you feel the way you do. You didn't fail. He did. He failed to live up to his vows to you and whatever may have been wrong with the relationship he should have addressed that properly with you rather than straying.
It is to those problems you should address yourself rather than the affair itself. You need to know from him why he did what he did and yes also find out the answers to all the questions you have. This can only be achieved by sitting down in a neutral space or maybe even attending counselling. Either way, you need answers. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 March 2018):
 Don't worry about her.
Figure out IF you really WANT the marriage to continue and if YOU are willing to work on it. IF you are, seek marriage counseling. And if HE wishes to stay, he will go too.
My advice? Fix it or end it. This neither here nor there is not making ANYONE happy and if he claim he is doing it for the kids.. well, it's NOT helping the kids to have to miserable parents who fight and treat each other with disdain.
On another note... maybe HE didn't end the affair. Maybe SHE did, so his only "option" was to go home to the marriage. (unless he wanted to be divorced and alone).
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