A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Ok, so I've found out since a week ago that my boyfriend has set up an adultfriendfinder account. We've been together for almost three years, and the thought of this ruining our relationship is heartbreaking.. But on the other hand, I literally nearly got sick when I saw the account. I've set up an AFF account, obviously not with my own name or photo, but I've sent flirts to him, and he's sent flirts to my account too. I dont know if he's doing it for entertainment or more... But I am now considering sending a private mail asking to meet up, to see if he declines or accepts, and if he accepts, does he show? Is this taking it too far?? If he doesnt show, I would like to confront him about his account, and ask him to delete it. It's made me feel so inadequate and useless.... If he can't do that, he's a gonner anyway. And if you think it's a good idea to set up a meet-up on AFF, and he shows, he's a complete gonner, and I wish never to see him again. Please let me know what you think. Thanks x
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female
reader, SeaCalm  +, writes (1 May 2010):
Hi. after 3 years together and your boyfriend has set up this account something seems to have shifted in how he feels for you, not to mention respect! if he doesn't want to be with you then like any adult, he should be talking to you, not keeping you around while he has whatever 'fun' he thinks may be on AFF, this site is mainly for casual sex, which in itself has it's dangers, and if he has met with anyone, what is he bringing home to you?.....more importantly, for you to sink to his level and join the site to 'catch' him is not a very good idea, if he meets you, and is busted then what for you?...finding out he is on the site is all the evidence you need, move on, you're worth more than that...it will not be easy because of the time invested in the relationship, but when you look back, your dignity,self-worth, and sexual health (potentially), will be intact
Good Luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): I wouldnt embarrass yourself. Just dump him. I have been in this situation. If you catch him out,he may say he knew it was you and he was setting you up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): I suppose the classy response would be not to do it, and instead be honest that you found the account and blahblah. But I say go ahead. When and if he shows walk up to him and ask what he's doing? Like a dateline 20/20 confrontation!
There is the possibility that he is just having some flirtatious fun, and isnt planning on any meetings. But to me that still isnt harmless. If he declines the invitation to meet, then confront him about him having the account, but don't tell him you tested him with the invite.
Whatever you do be firm and don't back down about what you know is right1
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 You shouldn't need to go through with the ruse. His being on the site is enough for you to turf him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 Very good plan. Go ahead.
There's many people browsing dating sites out of harmless curiosity- but if he makes an appointment, and worse, if he shows up, then this is far from harmless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Normally, I would say be up front about it and ask him but just this once, I think you should go ahead with your plan. Send an e-mail, agree to meet up and see how far that man takes it.
This might be the only way you know for sure.
Brace yourself hon..
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 Go ahead with your plan and see how far he will take it. Its totally inappropriate of him to be active on sites like this. I know sometimes people look on sites like that just idly, but if he is sending flirts and regularly on the site, its not a good sign. Your plan is good, I hope he won't show, good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 April 2010):
Test him and send that mail. If he's on there, he's searching for something. It's not you that's inadequate or useless. It's him. Test him and see what happens.
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