A
female
age
30-35,
*mmaxbaby
writes:My boyfriend is so selfish in bed, our sex is praciticly a routine.I do everything for him, i want to be a good lover to him and i put his pleasure first. He asks me to wear sexy outfits and underwear when we have sex, which is fine with me.He tells me what he wants in bed and i do it for him 'cos i want to make him feel good, usually he asks me to lick body paint off him and give him a blowjob. It aches my mouth but i still do it until he tells me to stop because i love him and want to mke him feel good.The reason why i find him selfish is because when i ask for things it's always 'NO' or 'Later' but later never comes. I asked him to massage me because i had a stressful day and he told me 'later' but it never happened. I've asked him to go down on me a few times but it's always 'NO' or 'I gotta be in the mood'. I think it's really selfish - as i had just given him a blowjob which he asked me to give him before i asked for the favour to be returned. I've tried to stop giving him things he wants but i can't stop. I want to be a good lover so i don't stop giving him what he wants, though it means that sex is not making me orgasm.What do i do? Anyone else had this problem?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Yeah i'm having a similar problem. I tend to do be the one who always goes down on him but when i ask for the favour to be returned, i always get excuses. One of them being, it hurts his neck to go down because he sometimes has muscular pain in it....but i do wonder 'is it so bad that he really can't go down on me?'. He goes to the gym and lifts weights so surely pleasuring me orally can't be that taxing.I go down on him becuase i love him and want to give him the very best...he doesn't force me but i do it because i want to please him. I wish he would do the same for me. I have sat down and spoken to him about it and he said he'd gotten lazy and that he would make more of an effort but still he hasn't....even after 7 months. I've given him so much time to make an effort...so it's been a long time since he gave me regular oral sexa total of 10 months. When we first got together he used to do it alot but not anymore. I miss it sooo much because for me its such an intimate thing and it's an act of love.Another thing is i always seem to instigate sex, he hardly does. Maybe i've done that to him. Maybe i've given it to him all the time and now he just expects it.Help?
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi,
go for the jugular on this guy. Tell him he is the worst lover you have had . That is the best way to sock it to a guy, let him know that he is bad in bed and he may just show some interest.
But I don't know about this guy, you have your work cut out for you, is it worth it?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 The only way to teach him is to mirror back his actions and
let him feel the sting.
You are not his sex slave but an equal partner.
You need to do that and not give in to him .
Demand for your rights .
Either he does what you want or he gets shipped out.
Don't be satisfied with cheap imitation goods.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): He is definitely selfish, my dear. I had the same encounter with a man I recently dated. I didn't want to be treated that way so I dumped him. Love is about sharing and giving isn't it?
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A
female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Hun, you have to be in control now. He is taking control of you and not what 'you' want. I can understand you want to be a good girlfriend towards him but, remember you have your boundaries as well. It's not a balanced relationship where it's more of him and not for yourself.
Even he is selfish will he still listen to you? If he is a good boyfriend he should listen to you. Tell him how you feel but, not openly emotional as to don't show your weak side. That way he knows your serious. Also, decide yourself if this relationship is worth it. If you don't see a future with him you need to become wise and end it.
Best wishes. Sarah.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 He sounds like a selfish lover, he wants his jollies, and you just got to be satisfied with whatever he feels like doing, which doesn't seem like a lot.
No I haven't had this problem myself, women seem naturally more giving (well you are an example of that I suppose) but heard of it a plenty.
Am I wrong in thinking he is the same in other aspects of your relationship? That it is often his way or no way?
Since you made clear what you want and he still refuses you don't have a lot of options left. You can start making demands but most likely you will have to decide wether this relationship is worth keeping.
As a male I would definitly end such a relationship. A lousy lover is one thing but one who uses stupid excuses after asking several times is not someone I would waste more time on.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (12 April 2008):
 TELL HIM HE IS A CRAP LOVER WITH A MINUTE WEENY TODGER AND YOU ARE GONNA DUMP HIM !!!!!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 In my opinion, "tick-tick-boom" has a good idea in letting your boyfriend know, in a subtle way, that's he is a lousy lover in bed. That would get the attention of any man with a "pair" between his legs. As it is, you have made him feel that he needs to do nothing special at all to please you and you are still being satisfied.
Since you are not being satisfied, it means that he is not a good lover. Think about how you could get that idea across to him, either directly of perhaps "through the grapevine." You know him and how to get his attention. For instance, if there is a circle of friends, perhaps you could tell one of the girls that your guy is pretty sad in the sack, then she lets another know, and it will circle back to him. However you do it, any man worth anything would respond to become more of a man. If not, he ain't worth it girl.
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A
female
reader, tick-tick-boom +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Well tell him how you feel.
if he still wont do whatever it is you ask refuse to do things for him.
i know you tried but this time dont give up just use his pathetic excuses.
If not tell him he's a bad lover/bad in bed that will make him want to be good, see?
Most importantly you do need to feel happy. because if hes not satisfing you im sure alot of other men would.
Good Luck X
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A
female
reader, Lil girl lost +, writes (12 April 2008):
Oh my god hes so selfish thats horrible ok im young i have a problem myself but i am in a realationship and we always made sure eachother were satisfied sex is suposed to be fun not a routine your just being used and alowing yourself to be degraded theres no respect being shown from him tell him how you feel and if theres no change get rid no matter how hard it is i cant belive that youve let him do this for so long mail back and let me know xx
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