A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why does my ex blame me for his failed conquests?I fell out with a guy I had a brief fling with. He is one of these smooth talkers, who likes to chat the women up - so I said I couldn't cope with his flirting around etc anymore. So anyway, we finished with each other, stopped contact and he ended up blocking me on Facebook.I could cope with that for the time being, but now I've heard from one or two female friends (who have also recently been chatted up by him but rejected him) that he thinks "I" am the one telling them to reject him because I'm bitter about the split and when they turn him down he thinks it's because of me!!??I find this behaviour really strange - I mean - it's as if he bears a grudge with me and every time things go wrong with him and another woman I get blamed - as if I have influenced their decision and have power over their thoughts or something!! How mad!!So my question is - why is he being so hostile about me (after all this time) and blaming me for his failed conquests? I know he used to be good looking in his day and now he is older, he probably isn't getting the attention like he used to - but why put all the blame on me? I would try and reason with him - but like I say - he has blocked me now on both phone and Facebook - so I can't even talk to him about it even if I wanted to and it hurts.What should I do? Will he ever stop blaming me?
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 This man is a jerk - he is playing the "I am a victim" card making out that you are the baddie in the situation. You see... it makes him feel better about himself and makes it easier to blame his poor choices/actions on someone else.
He is not worth spending any precious time thinking about.
If other women are rejecting him - maybe they too can see just what a jerk he is!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 May 2015):
 Yes ,it's not nice to be blamed for things you haven't done, but, not everybody in the world will only think positive things about you, sooner or later you are bound to meet people who do not " get " you, plus if he is an ex, and an ex FLING !, as for that... you can surely afford doing without his good opinion about you ?...Don't let what he think affect you this much .
After " all this time " apparently he is still holding a gridge, ... then again , " after all this time " apparently you are srill very concerned that he may be holding a grudge. Which is reallly a waste of your energy for a brief, superficial experience which is over and done.
I think that rather than reseraching the whys and hows of his actions, you'd benefit more from focusing all your energy on looking forward, not backward, until you reach that point of serene, healthy indifference that says you have really processed a disappointing experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2015): Hi, I am the OP.
Thanks for your comments guys - especially the one about the ageing Lothario! It cheered me up.
I don't know why I still care either - as the whole situation is mad really. I guess it's just not nice being blamed for things you haven't done.
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A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (23 May 2015):
Dear OP,
He is blaming you, so he doesn't have to blame himself. He feels better thinking, that somewhere out there, there is an evil woman who takes away his conquests, rather than admitting he's not as charming as he used to be.
Yes, some people are like that. You have a more realistic view of yourself, probably, but he doesn't, or doesnt't want to, face reality. He craves female attention and being in control of women, that's why he can't deal with the thought of not being so attractive anymore.
Block him from your life, let him talk, get a better man. This is entirely HIS problem. The people that are your friends won't believe his b**shit.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 May 2015):
 OP, I think you care a lot more than you're willing to admit (to us and yourself).
If he's an ex and not someone you're likely to ever get together with, why do you still have each other on Facebook? If he's blocked you, all the more reason to delete him. What are you holding out for?
What does it matter if he hates you or forgives you? He wasn't a great guy to begin with so why do you keep a connection with him?
I happen to agree (with another 'aunt' in another thread you posted about this same issue) that what probably annoyed him was you offering your unsolicited opinion about something that was none of your business. Maybe he attributes his failures to you because it feels better than admitting he just can't win women over like he used to. Who knows and more importantly, who cares?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 May 2015):
 Laugh it up, I mean seriously? Your have SUCH powers that you make other women reject him too! Quite occult!
Stop trying to reason with him. You do not OWE him any explanations or ANYTHING. So stop trying to contact him. It's about as USEFUL as trying to make sense with a rock.
As for why he blames you? Because it is EASIER to think it's YOUR fault women don't want his "sad player bum" instead of accepting that he is REALLY just a sucky player and most women are SMART enough to see straight through his lame game. Or he can no longer rely on his looks to get women to "accept" his player lifestyle.
SCREW him and what he thinks. And the horse he rode in on!
WHY waste time worrying what he thinks? WHO cares? The dude is a DUD. He can't hold on to a woman because of HOW he acts and who he is.. that has NOTHING to do with you.
You have to realize that you CAN NOT control how others think, feel and act.
IGNORE the loser.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): "I know he used to be good looking in his day and now he is older, he probably isn't getting the attention like he used to - but why put all the blame on me?"
Because he doesn't want to admit he's getting older and isn't as attractive as he used to be so it's easier to deflect his shortcomings onto to a convenient target - you.
"What should I do?"
Stop worrying about what a shallow, vain, full-of-himself, aging Lothario says. If anything, you should be flattered that he thinks so highly of you that he believes you are capable of sabotaging potential conquests.
"Will he ever stop blaming me?"
Yes, when he finds someone more convenient to blame.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): Why do you CARE?Why SHOULD you CARE?This guy is an A$$HOLE!Not worth a second thought let alone your fretting about his "hurt" feelings.Give me a break!Stop focusing on him. He has some severe problems. NOT YOU. You are NOT TO BLAME.He is the PLAYER. Make no mistake. He is an expert PLAYER who knows his retirement years are staring him in the face.Seems to me like he is losing the EDGE in his own game.To blame someone else is low, pathetic and wreaks of bitterness and insecurity. Do you really want a guy like THAT?Let him fade out all on his own.Sure seems to be going that way.He needs no help from you.In the meantime, find a guy who lights your fire and enjoy the fireworks!Let his fire slowly burn out all on its own. How sad when your hey day is behind you. But yours are only just beginning! Go enjoy yourself and forget him!What a total loser!Good luck!
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