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Why do men show an interest in me and suddenly change?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2017)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am a gay man. I stopped dating for a year as I was just tired of being heartbroken. I started again a couple weeks ago, I met a guy who seemed so nice. He was everything I wanted in a guy, I honestly couldn't believe it. He was constantly complimenting me in person and looking at me all the time. We spent hours together! I honestly thought this guy was we going to be different and he mentioned he has been heartbroken so many times in the past and wouldn't do that to me.

We arranged a few days later to meet again. We were texting last night and he suddenly stopped replying. I just said night to him as maybe I thought he was busy. I woke up to see he had read my message, so I asked him later in the day is everything ok? How come you've stopped replying to me? His response was I fell asleep (couldn't he have replied and said something? He was online before) and that he doesn't have to explain everything to me (which I understand but I only wanted to know if he was ok?) I said I'm sorry for asking and he just read it and ignored me (he was online several times after) I asked if we are meeting tomorrow still... again - he ignored me so I just said bye to him!

I just feel so sad as this always happens to me! Not one man has been different so far! Why am I always so unlucky? Was I wrong to ask him why he stopped replying to me? We were in the middle of a conversation!

Thanks

View related questions: heartbroken, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (30 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou need to learn to slow things down, you come on very strong and it seems to scare guys away. Just learn to take it slower.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhy do you do it?

Because you want it, BADLY. Nothing WRONG in that. The only "bad" thing is how you went about it. And THAT is something you can change as long as you are aware of it.

KNOW your own value, OP.

If a guy seems to be VERY into you and then the minute YOU aren't "perfect" or how HE thinks you should be, then he isn't for you. And someone being OVER the top "into" you right out the gate? Is he really serious? Constantly complimenting you? So it was all about your looks, NOT your personality. A bit superficial, right?

So maybe you really didn't lose out on this guy.

KNOW your own value AS a person and KNOW your standards.

And learn to not put all your eggs in one basket. Which means take your time getting to know a guy, don't try and "force" it or make "instantaneous" relationships.

Chin up, there are more out there and BETTER matched for you.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (29 May 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIs it possible you come on too strong too quickly? As someone who finds this sort of "needy" behaviour a complete turn off, I can fully understand why someone else would suddenly think "whoa" and back off from it.

You have only known this guy a short time yet you already think he is perfect for you. Just because someone complements you, doesn't make them perfect for you. Are you so in need of approval? You hardly know this guy. You only know about him what he WANTS you to know. You need to take a step back and be more cautious and reserved. I know this is not easy if you are not naturally that sort of person, but being the way you are is leaving you exposed to disappointment and heartache. You need to love YOURSELF first and foremost, then the right person will come along who will love you as well.

You are special. Don't give your heart away too cheaply. People seldom value something which has been gained too easily. If they are right for you, they will not mind working to gain your love and admiration. Don't just fall for anyone who comes along and says the right things. Words are cheap.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017):

Honeypie, you're so right... I don't know why I didn't do that. It seems like I fall for anyone who will give me a bit of attention. I must learn not to do this! I don't know how I let it come to this? I don't usually act like this with someone. Thanks for the help!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI think YOU need to SLOW down. You talk to a guy for a couple of weeks and then all of a sudden he is the "perfect" guy and THIS is going to be IT!

It might not. You need to not drop your heart at the first cute guy who flatter you and who tell you a sob story to match your own.

TAKE your time getting to know someone IN person. YOU can not do that over tech, there is more to getting to know someone then little written snippets and eggplant emojis!

Now you WANT a relationship and I get that but you HAVE to realize that you MIGHT have to meet and get to know quite a FEW guys before the "right one" (for you) shows up.

As for his excuse - he can't really reply if he fell asleep, being online doesn't mean he is awake, just that he didn't LOG OUT.

When getting to know someone, GIVE what you GET. So if someone takes 2 hours to answer - YOU take 2 hours. If he write 3 words, do the same. Don't JUMP to conclusions that he is MAD at you or don't like you JUST because he didn't answer a text! That is insanely needy and clingy - and... very unhealthy.

My guess is THAT is why he is ignoring you. You took a non-answer as rejection when it was JUST him not answering.

So CHILL.

My husband will sometimes BOMBARD me if I don't answer a text. Sometimes I just don't check my phone, I might do laundry downstairs or be in the garden and I don't have my phone GLUED to my person or it needs charging. Though as soon as I see it, I do text back, but in reality... it CAN be hours.

ACCEPT that people around you HAVE a life outside answering your texts. And some are not BIG on texting.

I don't say all this to slam you, but you REALLY need to learn how to NOT overthink things and NOT make drama out of a rock.

Try NOT to get so emotionally attached to the IDEA of a guy. Just take the time getting to know them.

If he doesn't get back to you, TRY again. Next time, CHILL!

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