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Am I too old to expect to have a physical relationship? Should I just accept it?

Tagged as: Faded love, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2017)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 4 years rarely wants sex - maybe every 3 or 4 months. Aside from that he almost never touches me except for a peck on the lips. This is breaking my heart. I've talked to him about it many times and he says he's too tired but he has plenty of energy to go fishing. We are both in our 50s. Am I to old to expect to have a physical relationship? Should I just accept it?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (30 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntOff course you are not to old. But it appears he has a low sex drive, and is content with having you as a friend in his life. But you want and need more. If he cannot give it you then maybe this relationship has come to its end?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2017):

Not too old but maybe with the wrong partner. If he isn't willing to meet your needs, find someone who will.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 May 2017):

Here's what my friend's abuela (Spanish for grandmother) says: "As long as you can desire it, and feel it, you can do it!"

It sounds beautiful when said in Spanish! You are not too old to have desires, Biologically, mature women are at their sexual-peak at your age.

You might introduce that old-geezer to the little blue pill!

If he has always had a low sex-drive, or just the old-school type who doesn't show affection, you went for everything in a man except passion. You settled for the company and sacrificed all the other things you need.

You really can't teach an old-man new tricks. (That's not true about dogs.) They get set in their ways and they usually won't budge. They'll make excuses or just ignore you.

I can be very straightforward at times; but sometimes that is what our OP's want and need. They can certainly delete or ignore any responses I give they don't like. There is always someone who can use it.

Mature women tend to feel their age gets in their way. They actually feel they have limited choices when it comes to male-companionship. They also believe men are only attracted to young women. There may be truth to this for the most part; but I believe most of us get what we settle for.

You first have to weigh the pros and cons of keeping the man you now have in your life. Does he make you feel loved and valued? Besides eating what you cook, and lying around the house and taking up space; does he take you out? Does he take you on romantic getaways? Does he ever compliment how you look? Show pride in his face when you're out together, or around your friends and family? Does he brag about you and show-off for you? That's what men do about women they love.

If you don't have a positive answers to each and all of these questions. Why are you aging and wasting all your precious time with this man? Please stop ascribing to the notion that "any man is better than no man at all!" Life is too freaking short!

Have him go to his doctor for a complete physical examination. Find out all the side-effects of any medications his doctor has prescribed for him. Have him ask his doctor test his testosterone level. If he just lies around and never exercises; his testosterone level will drop like a clump of lead.

If he will not do anything to improve your love-life; the easier it is to friend-zone him, and pursue your other options. Start actively dating again.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 May 2017):

Honeypie agony auntAre you too old? What? No!

Should you accept it? With this guy? If you want to stay with him, then yes. He isn't interested in more sex that you are having.

Should you accept it? (in general) no.

It might just be that you two are NOT a good match sexually - at least when it comes to sex drive, so you HAVE to decide if the REST of the relationship is "worth" keeping and NOT get any more sex than you do OR if you want to find a partner who WANTS more intimacy AND sex.

YOU have to decide what YOU want.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (29 May 2017):

He has reached the age where lower testosterone levels lead to lower libido in men. Also erictile disfunction is not uncommon in men his age. He could be suffering one or the other or both. Embarrassment is probably causing him to act the way he does. He's probably to embarrassed to talk with his doctor about it.

He doesn't want to show you affection because he is afraid you will interpret as a prelude to sex. Which he won't be able to perform leading to further embarrassment.

Have a frank talk with him. Tell him you care about him and you understand he may be having a physical problem. But if he isn't willing to take steps to rectify the problem you will have to move on.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (29 May 2017):

N91 agony auntNo, why would you accept it?

Never settle for anything that doesn't make you happy. You've told him you want things to change and it hasn't.

Find someone that fulfils your needs.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (29 May 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIs it the actual sex you are missing, or the intimacy? Would you be able to cope without the sex if he showed you more physical affection on a daily basis?

If he has come from a family where they didn't show affection, or if he only thinks he should show affection when he wants sex, then you may have to re-educate him and show him by example that you NEED him to cuddle you on the sofa, or to link arms with you in public (whatever you feel you like and need).

If all this falls on deaf ears and you still feel neglected and unloved, then perhaps a change of boyfriend is needed.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2017):

Phil052 agony auntAbsolutely not too old! It seems like he wants a companion, you want a full sexual life. You need to have a talk with him and explain your feelings. If you want different things you may have to end the relationship. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017):

I say time to breakup with him. He is only a bf not a husband to pose any legal problems in that. To be fair to him also it is quite possible if he is in the same age group as you that his sex drive is low. If less frequent sex is the only problem between you, there are vibrators and things to compensate.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017):

No you are not too old! I'm a female in my late 50's and I have a very vital and energetic physical relationship with my partner. Maybe your partner has slowed down somewhat due to age, but he could get ed medication for his low libido after receiving a complete physical examination by his doctor. You should not have to "just accept it".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2017):

Has your partner always had a low sex drive ?? If yes why is this a problem now ......I know you have spoke to him about this but tell him you don't want a relationship with no sexual contact .. you are to young to have a sex less relationship you should have some sexual contact

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