A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so, history does repeat itself! I am a college freshman girl with a good head on my shoulders, great grades, athletic, outgoing, independent, career focused and definitely not just looking for a husband. That said, I like the emotional intimacy of being in a relationship and do not like the hook up culture that it seems everyone else loves. I had one bf in high school and it was a 2 year relationship that ended because we went to college and overall it was a healthy relationship and fun. So, basically this same story has played out twice this year: I get to know a guy; we share all the same interests, classes, hobbies. We work together well on class work and have a lot of fun together. Then we start flirting, texting (he always initiates), partying and everyone sees sparks flying. This goes on and progresses over 3 months. There is the occasional kiss but not much more and then abruptly it all ends with the reason being…”I don’t want to be in a relationship right now”. I really don’t think I am smothering or demanding. I do work hard to brush it off and stay friendly. My question is, are they just confused with what they want? Are they really saying “I don’t want to be in a relationship with YOU?”
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Yeah, yeah, boys are all immature until they are older. I've been hearing that for as long as I have been alive and it flies in the face of my life experience. But it's a great way to blame boys for the fact that girls have a preference for immature and older guys.
I could go to any college in the country, walk into any classroom, and find at least 10 or 20% of the boys who would have a long term relationship. Maybe more. But many of these would not be the boys who are most popular with their female peers. (I wonder what that indicates?)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 "Why are college boys so confusing?"
Because they haven't grown up yet. Wait until after 25 with expecting anything serious, before that they're all over the place and have no clue what they want.
I've had relationships with men under 25, but they were all over the place, one day acting committed, the next they want their freedom back. I had a boyfriend at 19 who proposed and then broke up with me after each fight we had, then wanted me back each time with grand declarations of love. Then dumped me. Then wanted to win me back. Then dumped me. It gets so old!
Then another who wanted to move in with me, then said he didn't know if he loved me. Then wanted to be with me and loved me after all. Then broke up with me. Seriously?
It goes on like this. Now at 27 I feel I am in my first serious relationship where the man actually means what he says and doesn't tell me he wants this or that when he knows he hasn't made up his mind yet. He can tell me he needs more time, he can tell me he hasn't made up his mind about what he wants in life.. rather than jump the gun and propose only to take it back a few months later...
In my book, no one before the age of 25 are mature enough for a serious relationship. It's all just back and forth until then.
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A
female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (8 April 2013):
 Yes I think they are confused with what they want so don't take their behaviour personally. Are these young men in the same age group as you because I have noticed that the majority of males under the age of 23yrs are emotionally immature? They're just not the same as girls and are quite childish in comparison. At your age I found boys were just as you say. Nowadays I have two sons in their mid twenties and have a much better understanding of what makes them tick. I would say don't expect anything too much from them and start looking towards those who are slightly older if you want to have a more mature relationship.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Yea sweets men ur age are often confused at wat they want simply coz they lack maturity. Dont take it to heart. Im sure youre great n youll find someone on the same page!
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