| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: A guy I used to be sort of "friends with benefits" with, and who I still like a lot, wants to sleep with me even though he now has a girlfriend. He's been with her for nearly 2 years but he's been coming on to me for about a year and a half. We he got with her we agreed our thing was over but now he's obviously changed his mind for whatever reason.Anyway, he was in town and asked if I wanted to "come over". I made an excuse and said I couldn't. A few weeks later he was back in town again and he again text me asking to come over. I said I couldn't again. He's now asking when I'm going to come and visit him (he lives in another town) and stay over.I said I didn't know. He sounded annoyed and said "all those times I've driven down to see you? Don't you have any free evenings at all?" I said I'd let him know.I really like him but I don't think it's fair what he's doing. Why is he so concerned about me coming to stay? He lives with like four other guys so wouldn't they tell his girlfriend about some girl staying over?I told him I had a boyfriend that didn't really make a difference.I know i shouldn't care and that he's an asshole but it's effected me really badly and i don't know how to get out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right. Thank you everyone.
A
female
reader, Brightstars  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Look it's not hard to see this one.!He's a DOG! excuse me if i be quite frank with you, but girl he just wants some. ok every guy wants some but he doesn't just want some he wants all which means if you leave...in his low-down mind he thinks your replaceable....which means he'll probably be doing this the next ten years from now. I hope you dont have feelings for that mindless dog....Look its not your fault or his girlfriend...its just that...he thinks that way....he thinks he's cool ...like a playa..or he's horny, or he thinks he wont be lonely, or he just thinks its normal. Either way quit talken to this assface, if you stay ..how much you wanna bet..sooner or later hes gonna try to get somebody preg. and tell you ...then that only teach you, because baby or not, 2,3 females or not, he's not changing, and wont. Even if he's good looking, it doesnt matter. if he has good personalty, or anything, obviously he dont love! but he loves beds and multiple ppl in it, but other than that.....remember that saying "dont judge a book by it's cover?" Well you must of been reading a playgirl! Look, just take it easy. Hope this helped!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 You are supposed to say : "You are correct, I don't want you anymore ".
Why is he even with his girkfriend if he wants other women ?...
I have a better question for you : Why were you even having sex with him,when you know he has a girlfriend ?...
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Why is he even with his girlfriend if he wants other women?Because he can... If women are willing to have sex with him, he won't say no nor turn them down.Stop looking for excuses or wondering about him. Spit in his eye, change your phone number, or tell him to piss off, but make the guy know your not willing and you want nothing more to do with him. Do not waste time talking with him, you will hate yourself and be emotional hurt if you don't listen to the advice you've been given.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (7 May 2011):
 you shouldn't feel obliged to give him any response. stop being nice. he just wants to use you. you might be better avoiding him as it seems that he is able to agitate you. he has got a girlfriend and he sounds like an arrogant prick anyway. if he manages to talk you into what he wants you to do - this will only bring you trouble i think
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said "i get the feeling you don't want me anymore". What am i supposed to say to that? Then he said "wouldn't want to upset your boyfriend, would we?"
Why is he even with his girlfriend if he wants other women?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 May 2011):
 female reader, YouWish + ?, writes
You should give him a dose of reality, as in "Maybe we were FWB at one time, but I don't sleep with cheaters."
I agree.
He is making you into "the other woman" eww.. who wants that? Who wants to feel used?
Tell him off and then delete/block his dumb ass.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 May 2011):
You get out of it by stopping being passing aggressive and , instead of telling him " I can't " , "I am busy," you tell him, " I don't want to come over , and I don't want you to come over. I am not interested anymore, no point in contacting me ".
He is not "so concerned about you coming to stay "- he does not give a f**k. If you had said yes, he would have shagged you- you said no, he'll shag someone else , his gf or a new FWB. Or he 'll shrug his shoulders and watch TV instead. But do not think for a second that he is heartbroken because you turned him down.
As for his roomies, obviously he is sure they won't rat on him, or else he is a fearless risktaker; either way , how's that any business of yours ? how he wants to handle his life and gf, should really not be any concern of yours.
You say you want this arrangement to be over ? Than MAKE it be over, very simple. Unless you get a kick out of being pursued and sought after by the guy ; because yes, if you reject him clearly enough, he sure won't waste any more time after you. But ...isn't that what you said you want ? getting rid of him ?...
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Some men treat women like cars: at first they're all excited about a new beauty and love riding it, but then the excitement fades and they want to go out and get a new car. His current girlfriend was that new car that has now turned old and he is looking to you as a new car. Don't see him.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2011):
 I agree with angel except that I don't think you should ignore the guy. You've tried to ignore him on a number of occasions and he keeps trying.
You should give him a dose of reality, as in "Maybe we were FWB at one time, but I don't sleep with cheaters."
That should end his trying.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 May 2011):
hi
obviously he is a bit bored with the girlfriend or at least with their sex life now so he wants to use you to spice his life up a bit. you weren't girlfriend material last time and you won't be this time. avoid him. he is not worth your time or your thoughts. concentrate on getting a proper boyfriend if you want some love/attention/affection in your life. and no, his mates probably wouldn't tell his girlfriend if you stayed at his. this guy has got no respect for you and he is proving this even more by not accepting your answer when you tell him you don't want to go and see him. don't let him talk you round, just avoiding him will help
xx
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 May 2011):
The guy is bored with his new girlfriend, and your around and he thinks he can convince you to have sex. He lives with other males, and they won't tell his girlfriend, he is their friend and they are probably doing the same thing. He doesn't care about your "boyfriend" because he just wants sex, he doesn't love you and isn't possessive of you in any way. He doesn't care if his girlfriend finds out because he wants to get rid of her anyway. He has no respect for you and he has no respect for her. He only sees women as a way to have a decent orgasm. He will dump the girlfriend, continue to have sex with you, he will stop having sex with you when he meets a girl he likes enough to want to call girlfriend.
He's just wants to have sex with you and use you and then dump you. He's not offering any more than that. This guy is not a friend and I can't see any benefits your getting.
You like this guy, but he's doesn't respect you enough to call you girlfriend or take you on dates and show you off to people... Doesn't that tell you something?
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