A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had a week end planned which involved a 3hr hike. The weather ended up being really bad with a storm that hit the country. It wasn't so bad where we had planned to go hiking. It was however very windy and wet. We decided to go ahead with the hike anyway. The wind was so strong to the extent that I only weigh 45 kg and was constantly overpowered by the strong winds and ended up falling over a few times. My boyfriend went on ahead and left me behind despite the fact that I was struggling a lot with the strong winds. About 6 months ago, I had a problem with my foot which resulted in having trouble walking for a few days. Again when we were walking together he would go on ahead and leave me behind to struggle on my own. Are guys generally like that? Am I being dramatic to expect more from him in those cases? I start to wonder if that is him showing me who he really is and I should be wary. What advice would people have? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, edge4323  +, writes (8 December 2015):
My husband started a hiking club a couple years back and I can assure you your boyfriend is selfish and was not a bit concerned about you or your safety, it was all about him. No matter who was in the group, he will stay with the last "slow" walker and would rather get later to the hut than leaving someone behind or to struggle on her/his own. On one of the trials I hurt my knee, and even thou he felt responsible for the group, he stayed by my side until we got there. It was raining and there was a strong wind but he never got impatient, he was encouraging me the whole time and assured me everything will be ok. We were the last to arrive and it was pitch dark already. My question, what if God forbid someone came illegally into your house, will he go hide and leave you to defend yourself? Nice guy, get out why you still can. Good luck to you.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (7 December 2015):
"He said that he was concerned that it would get dark and we would have to make it through the dark and bad weather conditions."
WTF, he basically admitted that his own safety and wellbeing is more important to him than yours. Because that's what that means. It's not an apology or even an excuse; it's him saying "I thought it could be getting dangerous so I got the hell out without thinking of you". Now you know where you stand.
Bad conditions bring out people's true nature. Don't kid yourself about this. In regular situations people can pretend they're better but when something like this happens you get to know what someone's REALLY like.
I went hiking for the first time 3 years ago. I had zero experience. The guy I was with was super fit, knew a lot about nature, etc. Anyway, he could have set a very punishing pace if he wanted to, and I never would have been able to keep up. Instead he matched his pace to mine. At one point we got to this really rocky part and he was hopping over the boulders like a frigging mountain goat and I was stumbling about like Bambi on ice. He could have let me fend for myself. He didn't; he guided me through the whole thing, without being patronizing about it. THAT is how your boyfriend should have treated you.
When you're more experienced or fitter or simply better at something than someone else and you're taking someone with you to do that thing you're good at, you make sure they have a good time and that they're safe. I mean, that's what a good person would do, isn't it?
TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING. It's telling you this man is no good. You already experienced what that's like with your father. Don't stand for this. It's better being on your own than being with someone who doesn't really care about you the way you deserve. Get rid of this man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): Thank you all for your comments. I think they are all valid points. He said that he was concerned that it would get dark and we would have to make it through the dark and bad weather conditions. When I hurt my foot a few months back and was limping we didn't have those kind of constraints and he still went on ahead without me so I don't know how much I buy the it was getting dark story.
The whole thing left me feeling really uneasy about our relationship and left me thinking it may be time to move on. My dad is that sort of uncaring man and I have seen in our family that plays out. I saw in my bf this week end that sort of characteristic that makes me wary.
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (7 December 2015):
 No, not all men are like that, at least not good caring men. I find it sad that your boyfriend knew you had been injured and that you were having trouble and yet he still wandered off ahead. You have to wonder "what was he thinking?" or worse yet "was he even thinking?"
I had dated a man for a few months and we decided to go to a little place that had hiking trails, and cabins. It was supposed to be romantic. He did to me basically what your boyfriend did to you. I'm very small and have short legs, so although I enjoy hiking, it takes me longer than others to get places. These trails had drop offs, waterfalls, ect (beautiful but dangerous). He would get so far ahead of me that I couldn't see him and would have to call out to ask him to slow down. He would for about 5 minutes and then speed back up again. Needless to say, I never went hiking with him again, and ended the relationship soon afterwards.
If a man can't care about me enough to make sure I am safe, I don't want him in my life. I hope you think enough of yourself to have the same attitude. A good guy will want to make sure you are safe and thats all there is to that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): It is a MAJOR red flag.Maybe this can be sorted out and maybe its is just the way he is. There are men like that, but not all of them are like that.I wonder is he this unforgivig of his own weaknesses, or he feels that the world ows him something.If I were you I wouldn't put myself in any kind of potentially risky situation with him, until this is cleared out and you feel you can trust him.My ex-bf/high-school sweetheart was behind a wheel when he hit another car, his fault entirely. I ended up with several injuries. He not only ran out of the car to talk to the other driver without checking if I was OK, but he kept dismissing my injuries afterwards even when I ended up in a hospital for a few days. And we had been together for 5 years at that point!Now I joke that it was the best thing that happened to me. This accident was a wake uo call. All of a sudden I could see clearly all the details of our everyday lives. How he started ciontrolling me in a passive-agressive way. Incidentaly, we weren't chatting at teh time of teh crash, otherwise I am sure that he would somehow make it my fault, that was his thing.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 No,they aren't all like that and yes, you should be wary .
Leaving you behind to fight against wind gusts strong enough to topple you over is not just selfish, it's reckless to the point of almost criminal.
To tell you the truth , I have noticed with surprise that many men tend to " sprint " ahead of their female companions, walking around a mall or something, and need to be told what it is common knowledge and also intuitive : that the faster one must always pace his step to match the slower, and not viceversa. I found myself a few times trotting two steps behind my companion, like some Japanese geisha, and this happened to my friends too ( Maybe it serves us well for liking tall, long legged guys :). They have to be re-trained, like dogs at obedience classes, and it's a bit annoying. But : one thing is getting impatient, or distracted or preoccupied ( and semi-consciously rushing ahead ) while strolling around town , or windowshopping , when , worst case scenario, all it may happen is that you get separated and have to go back home individually, all another ditching your companion during a hike in adverse weather conditions. What your bf did is not just uncaring, it is dangerous.
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 December 2015):
 "are guys generally like that?" no that behavior is self centered, not being a gentleman, that kind of behavior is more of that of a jerk.
to me a guy should be watching out and protecting the woman he is with, not leaving her to fend for her self.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): Life is about learning and this hike has taught you a lot. Never forget his behaviour. You were vilnerable and needed help. He abandoned you. This is probably not the first totally selfish and arrogant thing he has done and wont be the last.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 December 2015):
 Hiking should be fun AND safe. Him leaving you behind is NOT fun for you, nor is it safe. It's not a race. It's about taking in the scenery, enjoying nature, each other and getting some exercise.
I have to say I'd rather NOT go hiking with your BF. I think it's really passive-aggressive of him to leave you behind when you can't keep up. It's almost like he wants you to be "punished" for not keeping HIS pace. I'd probably told him;" you know.. go ahead, I'll stay home with a good book and a glass of wine, because hiking is not fun with you at all".
How are you supposed to enjoy yourself when you get knocked over by the wind and then left behind? Where is the enjoyment in that?
I think your BF is a twat. And you need to learn to stand up for yourself.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 December 2015):
 Definitely don't go hiking with him again until you get this sorted out. Ask him why he's leaving you on your own when you are struggling.
I don't think guys are like that. It's not dramatic to expect him to hike at your pace, if you two are the only ones hiking together, he should be staying with you. If you are with friends and some are with you and some are with him, I don't see a problem.
Is this the only thing that's happened that's made you wonder about him?
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reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (6 December 2015):
No, guys are not "like that." Your guy just happens to be incredibly rude and selfish. I'm sure this behavior is evident in other ways, as well. What if you were married and you got sick...Would he visit you in the hospital, bring you flowers and necessities? Any guy I know would have been willing to carry you back civilization.
Have you spoken to him about this? I can't imagine how he would respond. I can't think of a true answer other than that he is stupid and thoughtless, selfish and uncaring, or just wanted to teach you a lesson.
Time to move on...it's hard to imagine that you won't be able to find someone more caring.
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