A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's wife/soulmate threw him out after 15 years of marriage. We got together 4 years ago and have a son together. He still jumps when she asks for anything, and uses their children to get what she wants. She has recently split with her boyfriend and now instigates cosy chats with my partner, who recently got drunk and admitted he's still in love with his ex. He is loving and attentive to me and insists he has no feelings for her, but my heart is telling me there is. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I totally agree with Lisa. Tell him to go to her. BUT MEAN IT. Men really are like that. The more you let go, the more they want you.
Just be a little more determined and fearless. Let him go. Don't you want to be with someone who loves you? If he really loves you, he'll come back. And if not, why do you want to be with someone who is in love with somebody else.
Show him that you respect yourself and don't settle for this mediocrity.
A
female
reader, lisa kathleen gates +, writes (8 August 2007):
 i would go with my heart, tell him to go to her. this will make him see your worth fighting for. men r wierd like that!
u know him well enough as youve been with him for 3yrs, i'd let my heart lead on this. honestly x x x
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (8 August 2007):
Try what "bitter" and "here" tell you to do. But if it doesn't change anything and things get to the point of ridiculous, then you have to sit him down and ask him where he sees this going in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): The other aunt says you need "real love" and I agree, we all need it. But real love is not fabricated so easily and is based in varying proportions on friendship, respect, etc. Now, if your partner acts loving and attentively, and except for this episode things are going fine, I don't think you should be worried. What matters is that you two have a life together now, don't make him chose between you two, there's no reason. If you're a kind and understanding person to him, that's what counts. If you insist that he admits he still have feelings for his ex, (wouldn't you have remnants, after 15 years spent together?) even though he does not plan on going back to her - you'll hurt the relationship, with non-correspondence and tension. He is with you, and he acts "loving and attentive." I say, don't complicate things. IF he'd act undetermined, hesitating towards you, you then would want him to have mercy of your time. But so long as he seems willing to invest in your relation - and you know him better than that-, paying attention to words said in a "drink mode" doesn't seem wise, especially when he reassured you he has no feelings for the ex.
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A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Talk to him tell him that you need real love and you have to build your own family life and that means being there to love you and your son. You are worth so much you deserved to be loved and listen to your heart always it works a hell of alot better then the brain ever dose.
hope this helps
xxx
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