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What's a husband supposed to do?!! My wife is dressing very sexy- can I get her to practice more discretion?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2010)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

My 38-year-old wife is beautiful woman, and is a devoted wife and mother. We've been very happily married for nine months, and our love life is great. This is our second marriages. My wife's first marriage was sexually unfulfilling and her ex was controlling over her appearance (no make up), dress (no hint of style or sexuality) and behavior (she couldn't work outside the home). As such, I am the beneficiary of a release of much pent up energy, desire and need. This is very appreciated on my part.

However, some things make me wonder about her.

First, her wardrobe has changed dramatically. Now, it's stylish and sexy, with an heavy accent on the color black - heeled boots, spandex dresses, cropped tops and camisoles, mini skirts and tight slacks. She looks great in these, but wears them everywhere, including to work.

Second, she wears either very-heavily-padded bras (some of her bras are water/gel filled) that add two or three sizes to her less-than-A cup natural breasts, or she goes braless (to reveal her very wide and long nipples), depending on her outfit or mood. I'm surprised about this back and forth contrast because the breast size differences between the big bra/no bra is very noticable. But, she really likes both looks, and doesn't care if people know her real breasts are very small.

Third, her panties are now exclusively thongs and g-string. Most of the time they are noticeable under her tight dresses, skirts or slacks. And, about once or twice a week she'll not wear panties at all - usually these are the same days she goes braless.

Fourth, she is also much more conscious about her makeup and hair - which she is wearing very long - to her mid back, and she plans to grow it much longer. Also, she's dyed her medium brown hair black.

Finally, she loves to role play and we have our own private world, where she will go into character. This can be in public too - like if I meet her after work, or if we go out on the weekends. She'll stay in character until after the evening is over.

Family and friends have commented on the changes in her appearance - some of these have been critical, but most of them have not been said to my wife. My wife quit her old job because her new wardrobe violated the dress code. She has since found a new job that actually pays better - and she feels very happy that she quit rather than complied with her old job's rules.

If she was a man, I'd say my wife was having a mid-life crisis. But, I think she is doing what she couldn't do over the 11 years of her first marriage. She says these things show the real her, and she is so thrilled that I have let her do these things without (major) complaining or lecturing.

I trust my wife, and don't think she is doing this to cheat on me or to (mainly) draw attention. She says she's just enjoying life now, and loves that I'm letting her be who she really is. I am concerned about family and friends reactions, as I've told them the truth, but not sure what to make of their comments. Also, I don't know what the impact will be on our pre-teen children. Mostly, I like the new look, too, but wonder if I should suggest more discretion on her part.

What's a husband to do?

View related questions: bra , breasts, her ex, nipples

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010):

What is husband supposed to do?? ENJOY IT!!

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A male reader, Creed111 Australia +, writes (28 May 2010):

I have got the same problem. My wife is acting strange lately aswell. All she wears are thongs,tight skirts,pants,revealing blouses ect. I dont have a problem with this as such. Problem though is that she is not as intimate anymore and we often fight about this. Is this normal? I am suspecting something and mentioned it to her but she says its my imagination. I have not said anything about her clothes though as this would make me look insecure. We have been married 12 years and have 2 daughters. This is driving me nuts. Is this just my imagination or can my suspicions be true. Please tell me I'm wrong.

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (26 May 2008):

JTalbott agony auntAssuming this isn't a fake post; your wife is very likely acting out shock waves from childhood trauma.

Unfortunatly, as her significant other, you are too close to the role of person that caused her trauma to help her sort through her issues. A supportive counselor can be a critical component of her achieving a healthy sexual balance.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Do Nothing & enjoy it. Most women become fridget in their 40's. I as you am lucky. My wife is 44 and after 3 kids has maintained an excellent physical form. She works in a nearly all male environment and routinely wear similar clothing to work. Mini skirts, low cut blouse, low rise jeans and has a draw full of G-Stings.No thongs or grannys at all. She is a D cup so she usually wears a bra but leaving the house w/o a string is typical more days than not. She'll usually wear a G-sring with pants but rarely w/ any kind of skirt regardless of length.

Our sex life is great. She comes home wet half the time and I couldn't ask for a sweeter women. She's smart and has used her looks to advance her career a number of times. We won't get into that but take it from a fellow lucky guy. Don't try and cahnge her, just have fun.

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A male reader, belizemk Belize +, writes (5 May 2008):

Talking about having your cake and eating it too. It's not one any more, it's 2, two people as one... Marriage. It's about how both of you feel. Compromise to be happy. There is a lot of things I did as a single man that I don't do because I am now married, and I respect my wife, our relationship, and our future together. I expect her to feel the same way. I dress sexy for my wife and I expect her to do the same for me. Unless we are together, we both should dress conservatively and professionally. We should save the sexy for US, Her and I. So what if other people see us sexy as a couple, but individually is sending the wrong message. When you are single it's all about you, when you get married, it should be about US.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 April 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntOkay, after your last response I think you are right. She does need some counseling. She is a grown woman and should be able to control herself, especially in public. I think there are some issues she needs to work out. Sounds like you may have a battle getting her to a counselor so be gentle but firm about it. Good luck, I think with some help all this can work out so everyone is a winner here.

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A male reader, pyan Australia +, writes (23 April 2008):

Hi

she seem to have a high sex drive and you my need to respond to her in that way.

message if you want my thoughts

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Things remain good with my wife and she still looks very sexy in her new wardrobe and with her beutiful long hair and adorable make-up.

She is still so devoted to my happiness and thinks (and knows) that all her efforts really do turn me on.

There have been three incidents in the last two weeks that I'd like to report and get people's additional reactions.

First, one time my wife was discovered naked in a public place. It was day when she was without a bra or panties and her short skirt got caught in a door. It was lunchtime at work in a restaurant and pulled up revealing her bare bottom and shaved front to about five men and women. The skirt ripped too. The hostess stepped in and "saved" her by getting a table cloth, and wrapped it around my wife. She had to wear that out of the restaurant, across a parking lot. She drove home that way and changed before she returned to work. One of the people that saw her bareness was a friend from church and my wife is very humiliated. Yet, she doesn't want to change her dressing habits and wants my opinion of what she should say to this friend. I struggle with a response.

Second, my wife has started to wear things that I'd call sex toys - clips that pinch her nipples, and plastic plugs that stick in her vagina and rear - and I also struggle with these too. She tells me she does this as she's so horney all the time and it gets her through the times we are apart. She's even wore these things, secretly, out of the house.

Third, she was caught masturbating in a dress store's dressing room and nearly arrested. But, got off, but told to never return to the store and it was her favorite hip place for dresses.

I think the first issue was an accident, but think these last two incidents were over the line. I have tried to discuss these with her but she says she doing this for me as well as her. I think a counselor may be in order as she doesn't see that this is kind of weird behavior.

What do you think?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008):

You are so lucky man, maybe you should change a little too. This could be the start of some really hot times for you if you go with the flow and follow suit. I have been trying to get my wife of thirty years to act like yours is acting now.

I think it could be the best time of your life if you also step it up a little and not be a drag so to speak.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (8 April 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhat's a husband to do?

Not a damn thing, Buddy. I repeat, ENJOY!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

As I sit and write this I am in a frumpy dressing gown, hair tied up (needs washing) and I am low on self-esteem. I have nice clothes in my wardrobe and I can't be bothered to make an effort. I'm 36 years old, in a lifeless marriage. I'm not bad looking but I seem to have forgotten what it is to feel sexy - really sexy and enjoy getting dressed each day. Your woman sounds like a tonic to me - I wish I could have half her energy!! Clothes are a form of self-expression and you are clearly observing every detail of hers. I think she needs this 'attitude' right now. Would you prefer her to be dowdy? Would you prefer her to look like a tramp? As for other peoples comments everyone has something to say about people that deviate slightly from the 'norm' (whatever the norm is). Maybe your woman spent so long conforming that she is finding herself again - I suggest you roll with it.

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A female reader, asian tealeaf Canada +, writes (8 April 2008):

asian tealeaf agony auntIf you try to bring this to her it will destroy whatever self-confidence she has. Looking at it from a different perspective, she feels confident because u made her feel so. u made her feel like shes a million bucks, so dont take that away from her but rather continue to make her feel loved and sexy etc. eventually, she will calm down and tone down the sexiness. she went from one extreme to another. and now shes merely trying to find the happy medium.

so dont interefere as long as u have faith its u she loves, its u shes faithful to and not other men. a lot of men out there are crying for a woman like urs. many women let themselves go or merely dont care to be as sexy a sur wife. and if ur sex life is phenomenal and u both rock eachothers world, then know ur twin flames are bright and burning ever strong and for yrs to come, my dear sir, it will burn strong while others die or fail to shine as bright.

inside shes glowing, she feels like shes on the top of the world and she is soaring in the light u have somehow brought into her life. from experience myself, havimg been married young, and had a husband who killed my every chance to be sexy and confident, its a beautiful feeling when u came from a past relationship that did not allow u to shine and make ur mark in this world.

and then to feel the release and rush, the nostalgia of sexiness and sex appeal, of inner and outer beauty that can now naturaly radiate off u because u feel confident, u feel loved, etc, and her actions reflect her inner feelings she has with u. dont break her sir, but be her fortress in which she can stand forth proud and strong. and hold her high for the world to see, that not only is she a diamond that shines, shes ur diamond and u encourage her to share her brilliance and bring that hope to other womaen out threre, who dont feel sexy even though they are, because they lack the confidence.

trust me, we do look at other women and admire their confidence. dont be scared or insecure sir, one word of advice though, if u try to discourage her, she may even rebel and get worse. in terms of her dressing, she might become more outrageous to where its no longer sexy, but downright trashy. let her find her medium sir. again, i cant stress it enough. let her find her happy medium. and eventually she will.

u know why? because thats what happened to me. and i eventually found my medium where i can be sexy, classy, and not outrageouskly bold and scraeming for attention. it took me time, and for a while yes, i attracted attention that many might not consider to be good. but i was struggling to find where i wanted to fit in. and happi;ly, i have.

i found my confidence i regained my inner spark that some loser of a guy in my past had treaded upon and defiled.

women are beautiful creatures to be admired and held in awe. not to be broken down and left with no self esteem or confidence and lack of inner trust. its so much deeper than just what ur eyes can see sir. look past what clothes she dons, and look in her soul and her heart, and u will see her intentions are noble, however bold and uncomely they seem now. she deserves this after yrs of feeling like she looked like a piece of shit. feeling unsexy and all is not fun. its not fun to go in life unhappy and unfulfilled. she obviously feels this way. because of u.

celebrate with her. i hope i have shed a different light on this topic. cheers to u and ur wife. ling.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (8 April 2008):

Collaroy agony auntSounds like you got it made dude.

Enjoy.!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

Get a cowboy hat and spurs and tell his woman I want to ride you tonight.

I have on occasion seen a woman or two act like this, or carry on. One girl tried to be polite about it, but she couldn't hide in public what she wanted. I almost think women crave for this, fantasize about it, but haven't found a man who could handle it. Funny, when men act that way, they treat women like a slab of beef.

Enjoy it, it doesn't happen to many men.

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A male reader, pyan Australia +, writes (7 April 2008):

Hi

you said you trust your new wife well do that. i expect she is happy in her new live and if she looks good wants to show it.

Have you talked about it with her. there is smart and classy or slutty, whick is it. i expect the role play is between you to and you both enjoy it.

i have found that as women get older they can look great and classy which i think look great. if you are lucky enought to have a wife like that good luck

message if you want to talk further, but i would talk to her and ask her about it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

What are you to do??? absolutely enjoy the pleasure and gratitude of this woman.....YOU LUCKY DOG YOU (LOL)

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