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What will my boyfriend think of me that I don't have many friends?

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Question - (11 August 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2017)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am in a relationship and we have been together about three months. I feel a little bit insecure about the fact that i don't really have close female friends in the area (i work on my own, self employed) and where i live, i simply go to work, come home and keep myself to myself.

I have got female friends but as i am not from the area i live in they are around the country as opposed to close by. Also as a single parent i don't have lots of money so i have focused on raising my child and i have not been one for going out a lot.

I feel that when i go on Facebook i see my two brothers (who have girlfriends) seem to have great social lives with close friends and i feel that i am not in a position to be like that.

Am i being silly in thinking my boyfriend will think i don't have many friends/social life and it is a reflection of who i am?

View related questions: facebook, insecure, money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the last two replies. I take on board what you say Wiseowle, while i am self employed i also work at events as well and i meet and mix with different people which i do enjoy. I am also applying for bank work in jobs where i can use my skills and also because i do want to work with other people as well as it is true the less you socialize the less outgoing you become. My partner goes out and plays pool but like me he had been single a long time and he doesn't mix with couples, he just goes out and speaks to people when he is out. We have started to go to the pubs he uses for the odd drink though.

I agree with what you said Riot2017, i find women hard work, especially in groups and whilst i had lots of friends when i was younger, hard times revealed true friends and people who i thought were good friends have shown their true colours over time. I have a handful of friends but they simply don't live local to me.

I do feel i need to make an effort though because i would not want to be one of those women who solely relies on her man for company :)

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (14 August 2017):

"Am i being silly in thinking my boyfriend will think i don't have many friends/social life and it is a reflection of who i am?"

Short answer: YES.

Long Answer:

You see, for woman to have friendships with other woman, it's truly an art. Many woman say they have friends, but reality they have Frenemies. My GF, 32, she has absolutely no friends at this stage of life. She used to have more "friends", but they back-stabbed her, one by one, until she ended up with no friends.

You see, woman see other woman as competition for the man in their lives, and when they see another woman near their pool of male friends, they get in b*tch mode and start sabotaging new woman that enter that pool. Yes, this is an over-generalization, since not all women are like that, but for my own experience, it's true.

That's the reason why shy and beautiful woman have a hard time having female friends.

The more beautiful a woman is, the more the other woman hate her because she is a threat/obstacle for her getting the men he wants.


Don't worry. If your BF is smart, he already knows how hard is for woman to keep honest and sincere relationships with other women.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 August 2017):

You've are well-practiced at making excuses and have cleverly formulated iron-clad reasons you choose to be anti-social.

Working for yourself or anybody else; making and having friendly-connections and a support-system, is healthy and vital. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy your independence and appreciate your peace and solitude.

I'm a loner by nature. I treasure my me-time; but I know that I also have to contribute to my community. I have to volunteer time and give something back. I need to mingle and socialize with people to feel alive. Then I lock myself away until I need some more.

I have to share, celebrate, and undergo my periods of grief and loss with friends. I have a great family; but I also need the company of a variety of personalities, races, and see different points of view. I learn from other cultures. I need it. It all enriches my life and feeds my soul. I love helping people.

My job doesn't pay me the big-bucks for my pretty face. I have to earn every cent of it. I work all day, bring work home, get-up in the middle of the night and work. I work when I rise before going to work. Yet I respond to readers needing advice, and fulfill all my social and personal obligations.

You make room for friends, hobbies, and giving back. Selfishness is easy and makes no demands on your time. You have one daughter, and she's nearly an adult. So now you're afraid you'll be judged for having no friends. There is the fellowship that comes with worship; if you have a spiritual-life. Greet and chat with your neighbors. Support charities in your community needing volunteers. When you get a flyer or someone knocks at your door announcing a block-party or a good cause; attend and participate. You'll make friends, form connections; and you'll enrich your life. It's not everyday of the week. Now and then. You can't and don't work 24/7.

The more you withdraw from society; the more socially awkward you become. As someone who supervises a number of employees; I notice the best employees we have are friendly, work well with others, and seem to enjoy their day; thereby they are very productive. I don't mean spending their day chatting about and slacking-off, I mean they are good at interacting with people; and it makes the office atmosphere jovial and pleasurable. They remember birthdays, invite each other to socialize after work, and they form close bonds. Some are very close friends. We sometimes have interns and temporary-workers. They feel included and enjoy working with such friendly people.

It's not the quantity of friends you have; it's the quality. If you have one soul you call friend, and they can depend on you; and you can support each other. That's enough. The distance between you isn't important. It's the connection, and the love and devotion that powers it. You'll live longer. You won't be clingy or smother your boyfriend for the lack of anyone else to relate to.

I suggest that you be sociable and friendly to the people you meet through your new boyfriend. Make connections whenever possible; because it will also lead to clients for your business. Networking is absolutely necessary to run and grow a thriving business. Knowing people gets you clients!

Get out of your comfort-zone. Open-up! I had to. It pays off!

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (13 August 2017):

There's nothing wrong with not having a lot of friends, especially if you are focused on raising your child. I have a nice home that I've set up so I can pursue my many interests. It is difficult to pry me away from here. Sometimes I feel like I should be more social but that's there is no good reason to have friends just for the sake of having friends. If you can think of one I'd like to know it. The only one I can think of is to meet a great lover, but you already have that taken care of.

As for your boyfriend, it could very well be a blessing for him. It means he doesn't have to accompany you to a lot of events that he couldn't care less about. And he gets to spend more time with just you and get more of your attention. In any case, I am at a loss as to why he would object to you not having friends unless he needs someone with a social life he can join. And you probably don't want the guy who is looking for that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2017):

You wish is on point again .. and I agree with her statement .. I can also relate .. being honest I work long shifts in a hospital setting ( mental health ) and I'm there to work not make friends ( I'm friendly love a chat ) but my friends aren't at my work .. I have two close friends .. one stays not far away and has her life and fanily as adult do when they are working .. and I have another who lives at least 4 hour drive who keeps in touch via text and that .. I'm not a Facebook peep and not interested in that experience but my friends are ..

So having one friend .. two friends or million friends is not who or at you are .. you are what you are .. and that's someone who is hard worker devoted and true and moral and stuff that wants the best for her daughter .. your bf one lucky guy with what your bringing to the table .. plus he doesn't have the incessant sometime female friends can become over clingy when friends have a new relationship .. so he does won't have to deal with any of the drama lama ..

And I do think your just nervous and overthinking .. I think we can all say we have all been there ..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't really have time for hobbies, to be fair the people i have in my life i am always trying to keep up with seeing them on a regular basis. I am not a big fan of females en mass, i do prefer friends on a one to one basis. I am not all that outgoing, if i am with people i am, but i am also more than happy in my own company as well.

I guess i have no issue with who i am, it is more what he thinks of me that i worry.

Thank you again :)

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (12 August 2017):

YouWish agony auntMy son's a senior in high school too, or he will be once school starts in less than a month!

You'd be surprised at how easy it can be to get a social life, if you choose one. And don't discount your cleaning business! That *IS* high powered!

You're heading into a new phase in your life, where before it was work and raising your child, but now your "raising" duties are just about done, even though she'll always be your "child" no matter what!

One of the best way to build a social life, aside from connecting with your boyfriend's friends or your child's parents, is to connect them to YOUR interests! Meaning - if you have things you like to do (I know, what's that?! You work insane hours!), or have never done but would like to try, find some community activities in your area and sign up! Self defense classes, yoga, craft-work, and there are also friends in small business associations to be had, because no one understands business owners like OTHER business owners!

You have some time now. Instead of being afraid of the empty nest and worrying that people will look down on you for not "getting a life", consider your life now a blank canvass. You can start a new chapter, and it won't matter what age you are. People are always lonely and looking for human connection. That's why you're here, talking to me, an anonymous aunt, and getting advice from all of us with different lives and backgrounds!

You're going to be okay!! At least your hobbies won't give people heart attacks. I've been yelled at for one of my hobbies, but I've made some of the best friends ever from it, because we're crazy!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am self employed with a cleaning business so it's not a high powered thing that I do. I like working for myself though, I have higher qualifications and some cannot understand why I do what I do instead of a more rewarding job and one which I am better qualified in. He knows that I live in an area which does not provide the greatest of social lives. In fairness we moved here when my daughter started grammar school, her peers all went to another school and she is now 18 years old. I say hello to other parents but once she started secontrary school I worked a lot and there was less need for personal involvement as what there is when she was younger. My money has always gone on proving us both with a good holiday each year and I genuinely haven't socialised much as being a single parent there was more pressing things to buyou. In short now I don't know many people in the area but you are right all these things I do over think. Thank you for your advice :)

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (12 August 2017):

YouWish agony auntOn the contrary! It's widely noted that that is usually one of the biggest signs of extreme intelligence - to not have many friends. And if you work on your own and are self-employed (I too am a fellow business owner and would never trade working for myself for the world!), then I KNOW you are extremely intelligent.

You're successful, you've overcome adversity, and you're one of the few (and when I saw few, I actually mean VERY few) who don't just give lip service to the term "Strong woman". That term is a buzzphrase to bandy about, but very few can claim it with integrity.

Think about the loved ones in your life. You have family, right? You have high school friends? Do you keep in contact with them, even once-in-awhile on Facebook? You own a business, so anyone who asks you about a 40-hour work week gets uncontrollable laughter from you because you are ALWAYS working. You have more friends than you think! You just don't collect them like Pokemon.

You'll meet people through your boyfriend, and through connections from your kid and school or activities and so on. You have more going for you than many women! Don't focus on what you don't have or what you are not! You're using your high-powered intelligence to OVERTHINK...and I'm guessing that's something you do often, am I right??

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