A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on what went wrong with this guy. We met in April. He totally swept me off my feet I'm talking expensive dates,flowers a love story. He even gave me money when I was in need. It was long distance and he was coming to me every weekend. After forth date he asked me to come to his city very short notice( i was in an accident and have ptsd on freeways which hes aware of plus needed work on my car, whichbhe was also aware. When i told him id come next week instead Then I noticed a slight drop in interest like he would take longer to reply to texts and if something came up and I cancel a date because I was with friends,I noticed a attitude but I didn't want us to smother each other! We were spending every weekend since we met. Anyway his interest dropped more.He wanted the relationship to move so fast. When I got my car fixed the next week we rescheduled.The day before I was going to take the trip my friend sent me a screenshot of a message he sent her hitting on her from a dating app. After doing research I found he was copying and pasting this message to several girls on Instagram! I got emotional I accused him of treating women as objects. He said it wasn't his intention and since we hadn't confirmed we were exclusive I let it go.(me and him met on a dating site and he didn't know she was my friend).He convinced me to come to his city the next day. I faced my fear and took the trip for him an planned on doing it all the time, he was rooting for me i thought he was supportive!I thought we had a good time. He tried to touch my top when we were laying together I told him stop, he did but got quiet. I think that was a sexual advance but I'm not sure lol! I'm use to more aggressive guys he seems very timid .Why would he think I would have sex if he just wrote my friend! We have never had sex but that is the wrong time to ask! ! We kissed and I left later on everything seemed fine. I did start dating other men because he was obviously exploring his options. A guy did comment on my photo saying i was beautiful and I know he saw it! I thought I could date if he could! After that he didn't respond to my text the whole day. The next day he wrote me with an excuse "he missed my text". He never misses them I know him ! So I didn't respond. I deserve consistency I told him that was a deal breaker so I think he's doing it on purpose. We have been ignoring each other and now he liked my photo then unfollowed me on his business page yesterday and his personal today. So I unfollowed him too. It hurts so bad I just want someone else's perspective on what I did wrong to make him treat me like this? He wanted me to put effort I did, even after I found out he was dating other ppl. Was it because I didn't sleep with him last week? Was it because he got jealous of the other guy? If he was mad I confronted him about the other girls why did he still want me to come over why not end it there? I'm trying to value myself and not accept bad behavior, in the past I've been too passive but did I go to far?
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jealous, long distance, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 July 2023):
 You are both equally problematic. How could you accept money from a guy whom you barely know? You then go to meet him knowing that he's hitting on other girls, you're lying down in the bed with him... What did you think would happen? Of course he would want to have sex!
"Why would he think I would have sex if he just wrote my friend!" Because despite that, the very next day you jumped into your car and went to meet him and were lying down with him. That's why.
You then start dating other men and want him to see it, he unfollowed you and you unfollowed him.
You're both immature and need to behave your age. Stop accepting money from men you barely know. Don't expect to meet someone great on a dating site and expect it to last a lifetime because chances are that they will be chatting with others as well.
To be honest, your red flags are as many as his, if not more. If he were to write this post, this is how it would read:
"I met this girl on a dating site and we hit it off but nowhere did we decide that we were exclusive. Nonetheless, I took her on expensive dates, with flowers and the works. I even offered her money when she needed it. I was going to her city to meet her every weekend but wanted her to put in some effort as well, but she had some excuse about her car. Meanwhile I was talking to other girls on the dating site. Somehow this girl found out and went bats*it crazy on me, accusing me of treating girls as sex objects. I convinced her to come meet me nonetheless and reminded her we weren't exclusive. We had a good time the next day and were lying down together which could only mean she wanted to take things further. When I tired to touch her, she asked me to stop and I did. She left but I soon discovered that she was dating other men , and flaunting it on my face. I unfollowed her because I have had enough. " Thoughts?
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (24 July 2023):
 I think that you had a lucky escape in my opinion, there are to many red flags with this guy
Stop wasting your valuable time and energy on this guy and move on.
I know it hurts so bad, but honestly time is the healer, just keep telling yourself your much better off with him not in your life.
You did nothing wrong here, you just met the wrong person, there is plenty more fish in the sea, forget him and Onwards and Upwards now.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 July 2023):
 Girl!
Are you blind?
You thought you were doing ok?
The guy was sending messages to other women because he didn't think you two were exclusive.... - which I suppose is fair enough, but you said the messages made it seem like he saw women as objects. That is NEVER a great trait in a partner.
He thought you would be OK with sex right after finding out he was messaging SEVERAL other women... Another bad trait.
He didn't SEE you as his GF - he saw you as a potential bed partner/sex partner.
Do you think ALL he did was message other women? If so, you are naive.
Honey, you got LOVE-BOMBED in the beginning. Google what that means if you are not familiar.
NEITHER of you was being EXCLUSIVE here. So I don't get why you are mad that, he didn't put more effort into wooing you.
You started to date other men, he started to prioritize you less.
GROW up.
If you are into a guy, TALK about not dating around WHILE you are in the "get-to-know-you phase" and if you are a good fit, THEN be exclusive 100%.
You can't expect a guy to read your mind.
But you ALSO need to recognize red flags when you see them. This guy was waving ALL of China's flags in your face.
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