A
female
age
51-59,
*ntrigued3000
writes:I dated this guy for a year. He was commitment phobic from the start because he had some horrible experiences in his past, but we decided to go with the flow, because the chemistry and compatibility between us were very strong. In fact I would say it was rare, passionate and phenomenal. I had the most fun in that year than I had in my entire life. My experience with him was thrilling. On the eve of our one year anniversary, he broke up with me saying that things were moving too fast and he was afraid. He broke my heart, but deep down I knew this was going to happen. I don't regret a single moment I spent with him.What I'm having trouble with is the fact that he has not contacted me since the break up. I did cry and freak out a bit when he broke up with me, but I sent him an apology letter via e-mail afterwards and told him I know it was for the best and thanked him for giving me such wonderful memories. I hoped that we could still remain friends. That was four months ago, and he never once tried to contact me.Why did he cut me off like that?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (25 February 2013):
Intrigued3000 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your straightforward advice. It is helping me to let go and move on with my life.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 You ask: "Why did he cut me off like that?"
Here are the details... which - incidentally - I found right there in your submittal:
1. HE had no intentions of making a committment to - and having a relationship with - you. You KNEW this at the start.
2. YOU had problems with the break-up... but HE didn't. If fact, he dumped you, walked away, and gave no evidence of wanting to look back, AT ALL.... You can sit around and pine about it (the break-up), and wonder why he didn't contact you (Is it not clearly evident, when you re-read your submittal?) for as long as you wish....
What you have to recognize is that - no matter how distasteful and offensive it is... He played you...
NOW... go out and live your life... BE wary of such guys in the future... but have fun.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Yeah, it all boils down to his being commitment-phobic from the start.
You have to understand something -- when you start dating someone, you cannot change them, nor will their relationship with you suddenly make them automatically lose all of the non-compatible parts of themselves.
His whole "being scared" thing was crap. Understand that while your ego and heart want him around even though he's shown his extreme immaturity and inability to be any kind of man, your intellect really must understand that going "no contact" is the best thing that ever happened to you.
The guy is toxic. While you were dating for the year, the fun times you had, the feelings, the physical side of things allowed you to forget that he had a dealbreaker of a red flag that ensured that you could never truly be with him. Now you know he's toxic. Eject him from your heart. Your ego does not need to stay in contact with him, and to keep pining after him is nothing short of emotional self-mutilation. Let him go. In fact, look on him with contempt for wasting a year of your time that should have been given to someone much more worthy and not afraid to actually be mature.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Sounds like somebody I once knew... I know this reality hurts. Commitment is his problem. If valued your feeling then he would handled the situation differently, instead of leaving you the way he did.Time is your greatest healer. Because in time the pain will get less and less. For now only thing you can do is carry on with your life and fill it with nice things. You have a right to be happy - he has no right to take away your happiness. Take care
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I hear a lot about committment phobes and the excuses they use to not continue in a relationship. It really has little to do with getting hurt again. A guy in his 30's knows what he is doing. He knows what he likes and dislikes in a relationship. He might be a serial monogamist and even prefers single life. When you look back, things were great, electrical, because he knows that it was for a short time. He will feel stifled if he feels he has you forever. All that "painful past", "moving too fast" means nothing. It's way to say goodbye without looking like an asshole. At least he has you being compassionate towards him. The relationship reached a plateau and the passion can't sustain once things get predictable.
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