A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi this may seem a little long but bare with me and maybe i will get an answer that fits the profile,I have once again split from my baby`s father for the very last time in nearly 7yrs as a couple,when we got together he warned me that he was a little weird and found it impossible to be able to love anyone i accepted he was honest enough to tell me an continued with the relationship as he was fun to be with,we shared the same tastes in everything shared so many coincidences i knew i had found my soulmate.a few months on things started to change once a month he`d have mood swings and we worked together to try and control this and it was working until 1 day it didnt and i felt the backlash,for 4 days he just ignored me completely and then contact me with apologies and i forgave him each time this happened,eventually i just waited to be dumped by him and i then decided i would cheer myself up by joining dating sites an having a flirtacious laugh with the men when i was single,even put my pic on as i was single,he went ballistic when he found out an said i had cheated this went on for years same old routine blaming me for everything that went wrong,he totaly believes he is the injured party,yet he flirts at work with women,nurses,doctors and denies this,he has blocked me and my family from his non existent facebook account that i have seen and thats because his contacts or friends are all women yet i am a liar,his ip address is also hidden so i cant find him via name or email i have done and give everything to this man my deepest of love that my heart was in pain,i felt suicidal,was throwing up daily as i was head over heals inlove with him time,money,tears and suffered in ways you would never believe,told me to die in theater whilst having an op he has added me to 30+ dating sites,in 7 months bought 3 tshirts an 2 pairs of trainers for his son and spent all of 5 days in total in his company,yet his other 2 kids who live with him treat him like crap an get all his love,attention and money,i have no intensions of going back to hell and have found a man who will love me as much as i will love him and wants us to build a life together no lies,secrets or pathetic excuses as to why i waited up all night for him an never turned up,wot kind of person does these horrible things an laughs in your face?
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at work, facebook, flirt, liar, money, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): no one here has suggested what you want or dont want. its about how mixed up and immature you sound.
A
male
reader, asap09marc +, writes (3 August 2010):
 babes,dont be a player if u dont like the game.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I would be likely to believe its the behaviour of a man who loved you and had a monthly attack of "the woman he loves" has put her photo on a dating site. Is everyone looking because they saw her photo? Does this woman really love me like she says? Does everyone who loves someone do this? If she loved me then why try to get someone else so quick? I would say leave him alone now,the hurt and disbelief will come back within a month. You both have very different outlook on love. He cant be the right one for you so let him find the one who is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): d'ya think he might have bin slightly embarassed about ya piccy on a dating site? I think ya must miss him to be puttin this on here. Ya didnt Iove him. I think ya might be a bit drunk or ya dont know much about behavior. Ya cant behave like a jerk or ya get dumped on. Ya cant be serious as ya would not do what ya do. Ya need to stop changing men and think ya love all the time. Ya get mixed up with love what isnt real,just fear of having no one,and soon no one because ya will have a very bad reputation. if ya want to be loved then be a loveable person instead of switching. ya got another so why speak poison about the one before ya can not have any respect for and ya love some one else now,until the next one anyway. d ya ever cheat? if how ya say things is how ya behave then if ya cheat ya will think that its okay but no body must cheat with ya as its different. ya need to be loved but dont love who ya with. its so wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): the type that knowz he's with an immature mixed up woman perhaps?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): He still had the sense to get away from you though. You are with someone so stop behaving like yourself,its catching. Go to match.com they have a free months trial on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): Lady !!! Get some help !!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): You have started a relationship with a guy and it is made of what everyone dreams of. Suddenly he changed,but why? I think you must know why? Could you know that you messed up but dont want to hear? I have read and tried to make sense of what you write and also this guy put a reply,well i presume its him. You either hate him or Love him? You,by looking at your remarks,i can see,you have no intention of thinking about the part you played. If its the case that you was going on the internet date and match to cheat or harmlessly flirt as you put it,then why are you so threatened about his facebook?Do you ever try to sort it out? Do you ever try to change as well as insisting he does? Why spoil a relationship so good that you may not find ever again? His behavior you described,was inner frustration,torment and his refusal to accept that he was now seeing the reality,his heaven became hell. I dont think he really wanted to leave you,but on your behalf you didnt want to stop what was causing it. You are not ready to be exclusive to anyone.You are far too unreasonable. Now after all the trouble,tears and heartache,you go one far worse and simply replace him with this other dude. You are aged between 41-50? You replace your soulmate like an old pair of boots !!!! You may be one of these people that just cant or refuses to be helped. Your ex soulmate would have walked away for good if wasnt for loving you. If you had loved,respected and treated him like you should have done then i would have given anything to be in that relationship you described from the start. Somehow,i think you are soon to realize,the new pair of boots who has his own commitments is the type of relationship or affair you are more likely to succeed with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): thanks for all your answers,but you all seem to have got confused i asked what kind of person does these things and i found the answer someone who is sad,unhappy and has nothing in life worth anything basically a loser
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): Babe,you have dumped him so you can do wot u want without anyone having a go at you now.Stop worrying.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): You were and you are still insincere.I imagine there has been a lot of soulmates coming and going.Nobody wants to fall in love,only to find out that you will love any soulmate willing to say he loves you back. I predict this latest one is going to finish in exactly the same way. Its not all that bad because you can get another soulmate off the internet. I would buy a dictionary before using these words,you have the wrong definitions. I dont think you would know the do`s and donts,as you will always do what you want to. As a partner you are a failure. You have no idea how to play the game.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): Have you ever thought that you may have been so wrapped up in your own needs that you just couldnt see you was hurt him? You go to a dating site but what would you say if he had done that? You now go with a man who i think you know may be using you but still talk like you are with your ex. I do believe you love him still in your own selfish way. That is why posted. You give love with out any understanding of anybodys feelings except your own. If you dont want to be back then why post here? Is it to say bad things when you know he reads it? To tell the whole world you dont want him back?
If he was nice and then suddenly changes,then its because you show him you didnt care. I broke up lots of times with my husband before marriage. I didnt go to dating site or think about another man. That is because i wanted him back. You have shown it to be wanting a man in your life. It makes no difference to you as long as its a man. It may be to late now and how will you feel when he finds some one?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): you have changed and switched your imagined love from 1 to the other. I dont see why you are posting here. I wish i could just switch from 1 to the other. Life would be far eazier. I would urge you to sort yourself out if you and the latest love of yours doesnt work out. He lives far away.from a dating site yeh? He has his own commitments? I wont hazard a guess what that means. Personally i think your x is going to one day thank you for this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): how cums u know he hides his ip address? do u stalk him? also do u think coz u do internet dates an stuff that he could be doin it aswell or u dont want him to find u? u cannot find his ip address? have u bugged his pc? that is very wrong. u do not have any right to be hacking into his pc,especialy when u so easily replace him with someone else. u need to realize that u may have made him into what u say he is. u now with someone else who loves u equally. u dont love any of them. u want to be loved, but i dont see any love in u. u very childish and only see what u want to see. u need to stop being so easy with men. it is desperate and that wont find love for u. i say take a rest from men then free yourself from further the need to be loved. when the right one is there u will love him with your all. if u cant be without men u will never be in love. love is not replaced. u dont love any of them. u cums to me like a young child who doesnt tell that he hit the other child first,but cries when he gets hit in return.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): I think you are very mixed up. You are giving someone a hard time when you have no need. You pose as very unreliable in a relationship. No problem for you,one goes,you just get another. You are are jealous of his flirting but readily available and even show it to the world. Dump your new lover before he dumps you. Get your mixed up state of mind sorted before you put yourself back on the scene. Choose carefully next time.This latest one wants to build a life with you yet cant due to commitments? I do not know if 41-50 is your real age but you sound like a mixed up kid to me. You have been equally brutal with your ex,you have given him everything,but the one thing you have not give him is sincerity. Well i am sorry if i have looked at both sides and not just yours. Maybe you could look at the whole story one day. You are bitter,angry,but for what reason? What made him change? Hope i have not upset you as i do not think you want advice really. You need someone qualified to talk to. You have a very immature outlook.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): from one relationship and into another. dating sites too. i think zayla is vey right stating you have issues being without a man. do you think that maybe your x knew this? you are very sour about him but talk about the part you played without any thought. there is a saying in texas that goes...."some people just cant smell their own shit"....think it over,i think it will fly over your head. i disagree about you being obsessed with your x. i think maybe you are angry he isnt at your beck and call. the following words which are yours..."and have found a man who will love me as much as i will love him and wants us to build a life together"... sounds very much the reason i believe is why he is the way he is,or was. sorry if it doesnt reckon with you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): What kind of person does those horrible things? Its an easy question to answer really. A person who's embarrassed about his bambino's mamma advertising herself to the world that she is desperately seeking a replacement. Who has now got one yet is bitter about things that he did that were nowhere near bad as what she did and continues to do. Didnt need much figuring out really. Is your latest off a date site? Just wondering thats all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): I am the one she is talkin about. she has an addiction to dating sites. No problem but she should have left me first. she swore it was over,found out it wasnt. We are over. She denied dating sites,then blamed me for driving her to them,now its me who added her. She got a new man,no problem. Don`t know why this is necessary? especialy knowing that she has cheated several times. I had stopped thinking about it,now even after its over and she`s with someone else,i still hear the crap. My past were shortish relationships except 1. Her past was constant cheating casual sex with married men. Its past,but as mine gets a mention,thought i would mention yours. Leave me alone,you got a man now. You do not have to have any contact with me and coming back to hell as you put it,is not gonna ever be a choice for you. I know about the latest married man. As we are over,i have made no complaint about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): zala thanx for your reply and yes i know that i let him walk all over me and i do know he tried to change as he hated that monthly devil that over took him and i know he fell in love with me which he thought was impossible as he spoke of feelings he had never encountered before and only when you are inlove can you feel these feelings,my relationship with my new guy is not a rebound thing and he also lives miles away from me so im currently living on my own as i have done for 8yrs and see him when able due to commitments on both sides,i wish i didnt have to have anysort of contact with my ex but due to us sharing a 5yr child i have no choice,i know he wont ever change only himself can change things and thats unlikely due to the fact he is lazy and a very pessamistic person,who cons people into thinking he this quiet sweet guy who wouldnt hurt a soul,all his past relationships lasted 12 months or less,even his own family commented how he suprised them being with me so long
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Even though the guy told you from the beginning that it was hard for him to love, maybe you could have altered the outcome by how you responded to that. Instead of treading slowly into such situation with caution, you did what many women do when they come across a man who they fall head over heels for--you started working your butt off to make it work, to change the guy, to make him see things your way. You were probably thinking that if you just gave him enough sex, enough love, all of your time, money and effort that he would see the "good" in you and change for you. NOPE THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. Anything you chase will run from you!!! You were doing the pursuing rather you realized it or not by doing all of those things. People will treat you bad or good if you allow them too after awhile. You allowed this guy to run all over you for 7 years and instead of you stopping the "Miss Nice Girl" routine, you continued and worked even HARDER to please this guy. Now your efforts have led you to NOWHERE and you are heart broken and depressed about it and understably so..I understand how you feel as I have done that a few times with guys I called myself loving or wanting to be with or obessessed with.
If you have found decent man, then why are you fixated on your ex? You are using this current guy as a rebound if I may say. You are NOT over your ex, thus you shouldn't even be in a relationship. The fact that you can just go from one relationship to the next being in the age bracket that you are in, speaks volumes and it says that you have issues with being alone--being without a man. It speaks to your emotional and mental outlook on relationships and how they are suppose to work. You really do need to seek therapy, read relationships books, talk to trust worthy friends and family members. You don't have a grasp on what a healthy relationship is and if you keep this up, you are going to end up doing to your current bf what you ex did to you. You really shouldn't be with this guy for I am certain he probably does know that you are still obessessed with your ex.
When you have intense feelings about someone, moving on without them can be difficult..as you stated, you stayed with your ex until he left you. You can't change the guy exp. if he is in the same age bracket that you are in. He will only change if some sort of miracle from heaven happened.
In closing, a person who doesn't care about or love you would do the sorts of things that your ex has done to you AND only a person with emotional issues, low self esteem and self worth, coupled with not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, would allow such a person to treat them that way for years on end.
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