A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehel
writes:I went to visit my boyfriend (23). First thing she says is your eating at this time, looking down on me. She is then silent. I felt awkward. So I tried to start a friendly conversation. I said my sister got 3 kittens to look after. She said how does she do all this, does she have a job? I thought it was a rude response. I ignore her and go on telling my boyfriend about the kittens and how you have massage then so they go to the toilet . She cuts in and goes, "you're wrong when I had a kitten from birth she always used the litter". I felt like saying shutup, but just ignored her. She then took her drink and stormed out. Bf and I were playing a video game. She comes over and is all over son, rubbing his back, shoulders etc...calling him baby. He was visibly uncomfortable yet she kept going.it was extremely awkward to the point I laughed I was so uncomfortable. She nit picks and always makes out she knows way more than me. She tries to lecture me and tell me what to do. What is her problem? I try to be nice and friendly and she is horrible? Should I just ignore her, and not fill awkward moments or anything? What would.you do? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 June 2016):
 I honestly don't think that you and his mother will ever get on, the thing is no matter what she says or does you criticize her, she gets up in HER home and you feel it is to early, it is not your place to judge, and really if she makes you that uncomfortable then get out of HER house. The thing is she probably does not like you because you give her this vibe that you dislike her. You should be showing respect to her, if you cannot do that then don't enter her home, meet your boyfriend in public. She seems kind enough to me to allow you to stay over at her house in the same room as her son. Maybe you should show some respect.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2016):
 Maybe you aren't enough of a good actress.
You loathe the woman, you can't stand her. You even resent her for getting up too early for your tastes in her own house.
I am sure you will have your own good reasons to dislike her, ... but the problem is that when you strongly dislike people AND you act friendly with them- generally they are not stupid, they feel you are pretending and it's a fake friendly since last thing you want is a friend like them- and they feel patronized or made fun of. Which on turn triggers nervous or aggressive reactions.
Possible solutions :
- just don't visit, or the least that's possible. There are so many better places for two young lovers to hang out rather than the at in laws'.
- Be scrupolously polite, but don't even try " friendly " or " social " or chatty. That's not even in a girlfriend's job description, unless there is a REAL bond of affection and mutual appreciation. Just well mannered will be enough.
- Accept that you don't like her that much and the feeling is mutual, and don't overthink things that should sound amiss to you. Let them slide off your shoulders. I bet that there are things you say that sound amiss to her .
P.S. Just for the record, the kitten's massage makes me curious too. Maybe we are talking about newborn kittens, of a couple days' life ?
Because I remember that I when I lived with my parents , I rescued twice stray cats. They both were female, both times I forgot or postponed to get them spayed , which resulted both times in the birth of several cute kittens ( the second time it happened in my father's shirts' drawer, that's why I was never given a third chance to adopt stray cats ). Of course we had the mama cat to take care of them at the very first , but as soon they were able to crawl, not even to walk, they simply made a beehive for the litter box and we never thought of massaging them. And they were tiny !
This to say that truth is rarely etched in granite - maybe different cats or different breeds act diffrently. Or , more probably, you were talking about cats at different ages and different stages.
So, rather than say, or think, " shut up ", it's perhaps best to make questions to find out if you are talking about the same thing. And / or that personal experiences may differ . And / or that she may be wrong about something, no need to get hot under the collar- who knows how many things YOU have been wrong about in your life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 June 2016):
 If you are being nice and friendly, when four days ago you were calling overbearing and complaining about how she acts like she owns her own home ........
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriends-mom-is-overbearing-she-follows-him.html
Your boyfriend's mother is quite possibly trying to work out what's happened in the past four days for the change in your attitude to happen.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 June 2016):
 I think she doesn't like to "share" her boy. She wants to assert her "dominance" in the sense that HE is HERS (not as in lover, but mom comes first kinda way).
She might still see him as HER "little" boy so you being there upsets the status quo.
And by the by... little kittens DO need to be simulated to go pee and poop. Mom cat does it by licking a human by gently rubbing the backside. So she is wrong... however... I wouldn't waste time explaining it to her.
As for the talk about your sister and having a job, maybe his mom just really sucks at small talk, so odd things come out of her pie-hole.
JUST be nice and polite. She is the one that will look nutty. You BF seemed to notice it.
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