A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 21 years has left me after telling me he has feelings for this woman. He says he can't come home for the damage he has done to me and our 3 teenager children. He does show remorse, he feels bad for the way things have turned out, we are devastated. I now know he is living with this floozie, it hurts so much, I thought we had a strong relationship, how wrong was I? He is 43 she is 30.This is so out of character, we feel we don't know him any more. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): This is a midlife crisis. Hopefully he will give you most of everything financially. While it is hard thinking of him being with this younger woman it really is not your concern. Be prepared for him to have a baby or two with her. I think that is what this is all about. Just get on with your life.
A
female
reader, pastfirst  +, writes (5 January 2009):
 This will become easier with time. You're obviously devestated at the moment but I believe these things usually happen for the best.
Keep busy. Get yourself a hobby. Go out and meet people.
Sometimes our lives are unpredictable and things don't turn out as we plan.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (4 January 2009):
 Even think about get yourself a hot young 30 year old yourself who will get an ego boost of an older woman like yourself... Don't let the old man walk with your happiness,I know the feeling to well and I soon had to snap out of it..with 2009 in full swing from monday its time for out with the old and get with the young! ^_^Its likely his link up with the 30 year old won't last that long give it a year she'll be playing away games on him,you just make sure you don't let him worm his way back in so easy when its going wrong for him.Understand 21 years is a long haul love link up,some times you do need to try something different to spice things up a bit,you bloke may have wanted to relive a bit of his youth again as he was a bit tired of the format..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 January 2009):
 Sounds like a total midlife crisis. Know that this is not about you or your family, as much as that might hurt. It's about him discovering mortality and middle age.
Listen to Eyewideopen, she is right. Get your ducks in a row. Financially and otherwise.
Also, if he came back tomorrow on his knees would you want him back? Could you trust him? Could you make love to him?
It takes a LONG time to get over the hurt of being cheated on. Took me close to two, to even begin to figure out what the heck I wanted. Once I did, everything fell into place. Now my husband and an emotional affair (which I regard as hurtful as a physical, but I wouldn't never have wanted to ever touch him if it had been physical).
Life goes on. It really does. Take time to concentrate on YOU now, isn't it about time?
If you don't want him home - start with filing for separation. That will give YOU (screw him) time to figure out what YOU want.
I know it sucks, I know you didn't see it coming. And as hard as it is, start to look forward not back.
Don't talk crap about him to your kids. They will eventually be able to deal with this in their own way. If they bring it up, talk about morals and values, but not how much of an idiot their dad is to throw his marriage away.
Give yourself time to grieve the "death" of your marriage. It is allowed. It is needed. But don't wallow and don't let it stop you from raising your kids and (as scary as it sounds) starting a new chapter in your life.
I wish you good luck, and if you need a "shoulder" to cry on - feel free to PM me. You can talk all the crap you like about him to me :)
PS. Don't spend any time or emotion on the other woman, she is just not worthy of your time.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (4 January 2009):
I'm with britt429 on this one... It's make over time... and let loose.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (4 January 2009):
Be glad that it happen not sad its over, in times like these you hit the high street buy yourself some hot fasions, get the latest hair cut and get that make up on,and plan to do all the things you wish to do.. meet new people have a flirt and have some fun...Also spend some time reading through some of the stories on this site, worked wonders for me.. I thought I had problems until I got into this website I soon cheered up and and started to laugh out loud and smile..You see after a while no one is in fact worth the pain you suffer in break ups.. you got to fight it off or it will drive you crazy.. Just think... you're free, time to have some fun. ^_^
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): My advice is 'cold' and 'practical' but I am speaking from experience: Sort your money out. As soon as possible, withdraw as much of your cash as you can, stop him getting his hands on it (because he WILL share it with her). Money seems irrelevant to you right now, but believe me it will be worse for you if he lays claim to your funds and you can't afford a solicitor when you need one. As for the pain, it will ease with time, but do try to stay in contact with him, and sit down and talk through the cold hard practicalities of a separation. I would reccomend using Mediation if you're not comfortable talking face to face. You don't want to make everything harder for yourself by losing property or money. Best of luck and stay strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): You have all my sympathy and concern! And basically...I think eyeswideopen said it all! Follow her directions and you will be okay. Cling to your friends and family for support. Don't try to do this alone.
Try to be strong for the kids! Do things for yourself to pamper yourself...maybe some things you have been putting off. A lot of us change our hairstyle when a relationship ends, it may sound silly but it's really a boost to the ego. Another tip is (if you can afford to) re-do your bedroom. Make it your sanctuary...a comfortable place to go that is all YOU. Pretty and feminine. And it can be done fairly cheaply if money is tight. You would be amazed what it will do for your feelings of independence!!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 January 2009):
 First thing...stay calm. Second thing...do your crying in private away from the kids. Thirdly...stay calm. Your husband may or may not be having a mid-life crisis but whatever the reason know that HE CHOSE this line of action, it was absolutely nothing YOU did wrong. The Floosie made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Once things settle down and you can think clear-headed you will be able to decide your course of action. He may ask to come back and you may decide to allow him to. He may or you may decide a divorce is best. But this doesn't have to be decided immediately while you are so upset. I would have a lawyer on retainer just so you can sock it to the SOB if needs be. Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (4 January 2009):
Let him get on with it, the hurt will die off sooner or later, start hooking up your friends and hitting the clubs, plan a holiday and seek a new lover yourself...
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