Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
If you don't want to be pulled into that mess of a love triangle, ask your friend to keep her affair to herself or at
least not to confide in you anymore. She should be the one to tell, not you or anyone else who is not her.
"I don't value her friendship anymore, she's not who I thought she was". So one mistake defines a person? Pleez.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): if you dont want anyone to know.....why tell anyone at all????
I think she wants him to find out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): TELL HIM!
She is showing no remorse at all and wants to have kids! and like you say how could you sit there watching her act all nice and lovey to him. He would be angry knowing you knew and didnt tell him.
He may not believe you however so be careful. No one ever wants to hear that sort of news.
Where does she meet her lover?
Maybe you should tell the husband to go where they might be meeting or check her text messages before confronting her. It would be better for him to see it for himself, as hurt as it would be seeing that. He will be hurt either way so its worth a try....best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): She told you in complete confidence, but maybe with an ulterior motive. Perhaps she wants out of her marriage with your help?!
You're in a very difficult situation. I'm not sure if I would tell him. Maybe convince her to tell him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): anonymous poster who stated friends dont destroy relationships why dont you take a reality check. The person who cheated destroyed the relationship. If this person does tell the husband she ensures he is making an informed choice about his future.
I say TELL HIM
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): Im the original poster to the question. To the female who stated that I shouldn't even be considering telling the husband I have to say ARE YOU SERIOUS. Just because someone tells you something in confidence does not mean that it should be kept a secret if what they are doing hurts other people. This is someones life that will be RUINED by shared custody etc if they do have a child together.I think I should also make it clear that I was in a relationship of 8 years. My boyfriend was cheating on me and this girls husband TOLD ME and im so grateful!!!The messenger does not always get shot. Its more hurtful knowing that all your friends knew before you I think. Im the only one she has told and i want to nip it in the bud.To tell you the truth I dont care if they shot the messenger and I dont really value her friendship as much now, she is not the person I thought she was. She also knows how I feel about infidelity after my experiance and I think she told me because she WANTS to get caught. Im going to tell him, it wont be easy but its the right thing to do. thank you for your answers its helped a lot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): your friend confided in you and no matter how great you think her husband is, if you was a real friend you wouldnt be even considering telling her husband as friends dont destroy relationships
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (4 January 2009):
 Yes this is a hard one but i had to do this to a friend of mine he was married cheating with her and another woman!! So i would have no qualms whatsoever in telling him it is the decent thing to do if this was all to come out then you would feel even worse knowing you harboured her secret equally you need to be prepared to lose your friend mines never spoke to me for 3 months but she came round when she realised i did her a favour!
Plus i am worried about her saying they might try for a baby! Is she nuts? i would talk to her too and try and get her to see reason even though she is caught up in the heat of the moment someone has to burst her bubble and you may well be the best person to do it she has involved you in her mess you don't have to keep her secret secret it is not yours to keep! Try and muster the courage to tell him keep us posted as to how you get on good luck.
Gina
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 January 2009):
 Urgh, it's a tough one. As much as I detest cheating ( and I do believe me) I wold so HATE to be the one to tell someone their spouse is cheating.
However since she dragged you into it maybe you should tell her that she need to tell her husband or maybe you will. Just bear in mind, everyone wants to shoot the messenger..
Personally if I had a friend who did this with such carelessness I would tell him, no if ends or butts.
Just don't expect anyone to be grateful to you about it.
I'm so sorry you were stuck in the middle of her mess.
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A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (4 January 2009):
 You SHOULD tell him.She's bound to get caught sometime and it's best before a child is involved.I know of many who's relationships have been ruined because of Cheating.However the relationships in which a child wasn't involved were a lot better off and they even remained together.But when a child's involved as well as cheating,The divorces are worse and more feelings are hurt.I would tell him.Be sincere about it.But first I'd tell your friend to tell him or you will.If she doesn't tell him,You should tell him.
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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: