A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently become engaged with my boyfriend of 4 years and we've been having talks about when we'll start a family. He's named after his Father (who wasn't named after anybody)My partner's Grandfather was called a traditional name in the family and he's suggested that because of this, his parents would like it if we had a son named after him too.Is it wrong that if we do start a family and we have a son that I have to call the baby that name?I really don't want him to be named after them? I already feel pressured into it and we don't even know if we want a baby.I feel it's unfair that even though I'll be carrying, birthing, breast-feeding and looking after the baby, as well as putting my career and social life on hold for at least 6 months, that I can't even name it if it's a boy, even though ever since I was younger if I ever had a son I've wanted him to be called a particular nameHe's also suggested that if we ever have a girl she should be named after his Mother!I offered that *traditional name could be the middle name but he seemed insulted by this.Help! Do you think I'm being unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks for your reassuring answers!
And the MIL's name is an awful name, not just because it's her name, it's the sort of name that a child (especially nowadays) would probably be embarrassed by!
If we ever end up in a pregnant situation, I'm going to say that we can have their name as the middle name and that's it! I myself have 2 middle names and I know some people with up to 4, so it doesn't even need to be the only middle name.
Thankyou very much, you've given me a lot of confidence about this!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 July 2012):
 We chose to PICK the first names for our kids ourselves ( my husband and I each made a list of 10 names, we then swapped and crossed out what we didn't like and thus whittling the list down to 1 name)
Middle-names is where the "family" shows up (LOL) Since we picked rather feminine (all girls) names for their First name, we did unisex names for their Middle-names. Just so they (the girls) can choose if they want to use the "girly" or the unisex name. The two youngest are actually named after MALE ancestors rather then female, the oldest after a female.
As I see it, these are YOUR children, name then as YOU (and your husband) see fit. Middle-names are PERFECT for those pesky family names that you can't seem to avoid.
I talked to my mom about this when I was pregnant with the first child and she told me NOT to name them after anyone UNLESS I loved that name, that this baby was it's OWN person and deserved it's OWN name.
PS is your MIL's name horrible? or is it because it's HER name?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Family names can be hard to get around.
There is always the "name the baby one thing and call it another" rule... confusing later on for friends and such but it's been done for years... and sometimes the names that the child gets called are not anything like the name on the birth certificate.
My mother's birth certificate said Henrietta because that's what my grandfather picked. My mother was called Harriet because that's what her mother wanted. I never even knew her name was really Henrietta till I was in my teens... it just never came up.
Remember, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
In addition what you both think now may change.
I know that my parents planned to name me "Sunshine" before they got pregnant... it was their plan... suffice it to say I have a very common usual name on my Birth Certificate. To be honest at 29 I changed my name. My mother was never happy and my father still calls me what he wants to call me (not the name I go by)
I named my kids with names that lend themselves to nicknames (shorter versions of their given names) I prefer using their FULL name because I LIKE the names I gave them.. neither of them use the full name both go by the shorter version... I hate it but it's their name and their choice.
You can name a kid what you want but they will end up being called what they want.
I know an Eric who is Ricky...
I know a Howard who at 45 prefers HOWIE.... his mother cringes but it's what HE WANTS.
you can name a baby anything you want and call it what you want but in the end, they get to pick what they want to be called...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): OP you're not being unreasonable. Just tell him you're not going to call your child a name you won't like using. It has to be a mutual decision here a name that both of you like.
Just don't budge on this, ask him will it be just his and his families child or do you have a say in what happens the life you plan on growing inside of you? Because if he just wants a child to name and raise without considering how you feel about the name then maybe he should go pay for a surrogate and have a child on his own. Because you're not going to spend the rest of your life hating your child's name, that's not fair on you at all and your children will already be getting his surname, so for him to demand all the names under his terms and his families names is unreasonable.
Don't budge, can you really imagine being disgusted every time you say your child's name?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (2 July 2012):
 HI
I dont think your being unreasonable at all. Firstly you are not even pregnant yet and you have an idea of how this will end dont you? if your partner is trying to control this situation already how will he be once married? how will he be when any children come along? will you have a say in their up brining or will he want to decide that too? For the names I would compromise on one. I would say yes to having his name if its a son then your chosen name as a middle name, with a girl I would have the chosen name of which you like and his mothers as a middle name. If he cant handle this I would advice him your not married yet and have no children therefore you dont have to put up with this attitude!! Really to me this would start alarm bells, I could not be in a relationship where I have no say, its a two way street for me, and if he wants to take the walk alone he knows where the door is....
hope this helps
Mandy xx
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