A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:If this doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm sorry I'm on my phone in my lunch break.Okay, i do judo and basically, me and a coach have been really good friends and have know each other for a while now. We flirt quite a lot and we get along well. However recently he's been distant towards me. I want to get his attention again, letting him make the effort for us to speak.Before you saying this is wrong, it isn't I've checked, it isn't illegal as I'm old enough to make my own mind up.So what can I do to make him pay attention to me, while I'm working out:)Thank you :D
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 February 2014):
 This statement tells us everything we need to know:
"Before you saying this is wrong, it isn't I've checked, it isn't illegal as I'm old enough to make my own mind up."
Basically you do not want advice, you just want to get your own way and you are not listening to what you coach is saying. His actions suggest that he is trying to distance himself from you. You need to take the hint and back off.
See it from his point of view - how would you like it if someone you felt was too young was flinging themselves at you. It would be embarrassing, uncomfortable and you might be worried that people would think badly of you.
You claim to be old enough to make up your own mind, yet you are lacking maturity and you cannot force someone to flirt with you if they don't want to.
As a coach he has responsibilities, and as a coach he has rules to follow. His job could be in trouble if he breaks them.
I agree with AB - it's time to find a new coach as you have crossed the line and compromised his professionalism.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (1 February 2014):
 It's quite normal for a young person to develop a crush on a coach or trainer. It's quite normal (and often encouraged) for trainers and coaches to flirt with their clients both during and outside of training.
It IS however frowned upon for them to get involved with those clients although, as you quite rightly point out, it is not unlawful to do so.
For the most part, both sides enjoy the banter and flirting, it's good for the ego but I think this guy knows that you've taken his interest as more than what it is and have developed feelings for him.
He is doing the responsible thing and has backed off.
He's done this because he's either not actually interested in you 'that' way or his job would be in jeopardy if he took it further.
Whichever it is, take the hint, do yourself a favour and back off. I'm sorry to be harsh but it's true.
You don't have to do anything else to get noticed by him because his response to you shouts that he knows how you feel and doesn't welcome it.
The only remaining thing for you to do is actually tell him how you feel and, in my opinion, this will be uncomfortable for both of you. He'll have to explain himself (which he'll hate) and you'll be embarrassed and hurt.
I suggest you find another coach and then focus on training rather than the trainer.
I hope this helps AB x
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 February 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE - he has realized that it's NOT morally OK for him to carry on flirting with you - it makes other students and SPECIALLY their parents question whether or not he really should be teaching kids and young adults.
Sure you are old enough to make your own mistakes, but are you willing to risk his livelihood so you can get your flirt on?
I would not let a man who flirts with younger students (or even those of his own age group) teach MY girls. Because to me it CAN be an indicator that 1. he is into YOUNG girls and not in a healthy way and 2. that he hasn't the common sense a TEACHER/TRAINER should have. Now this MAY not be correct, but that is EASILY how it can look.
Teacher/Trainers who PREY on younger people is not uncommon, most of the time they see nothing WRONG with it because the "student" is over 16-18 it's OK - but it's not.
Have some ethics as a teacher/trainer is IMPORTANT.
So, sorry, you should find someone else to "play" flirt with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): Your coach is starting to realize that he shouldn't be hitting on his students for ethical reasons. He should be giving all his students his professional attention.
Things may be getting out of hand; and your attempts to draw more attention might be becoming too obvious already, and beginning to embarrass him.
All the flirting could also stir up concern, and draw negative reactions from other people in the class. Then comes the gossiping among his students. He will lose order and respect.
It makes him look unprofessional; while you two are flirting and chumming around during sessions that are intended for your training. How can he evaluate you as student without being biased?
It's not a matter of it being wrong, but inappropriate.
It would be better if you carry-on any non-class-related behavior away from the dojo.
In order for your coach to be an effective master; he has to set a good example by practicing and teaching discipline.
Maybe he has decided to focus on the real reason you're there, and is starting to realize you are more interested in him than judo. He could also have a girlfriend, and doesn't want to lead you on.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 February 2014):
 It's not illegal but it's not a good idea. He's being distant to let you know that he is not interested. He is an instructor and he is supposed to treat every student equally and give them equal time and attention. To pay attention to you for a long time is like playing favoritism. He could also be attached to someone, getting over someone, gay, or just not interested in relationships. He may have trouble staying friends with you because the tension is too much. Take that as a compliment. You are hot so therefore it's hard to be platonic. One way to make him happy though, is to be the best student ever. Make him feel like he's making a difference in your life by sharing his judo knowledge with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): Make mistakes so he has to correct them. Or ask advice on certain moves or your exercise programme. And smile whenever you see him.
...............................
|
