A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this man over two months ago. We have known each other through the gym for about 7 months previous to this. Thing is, Im really afraid of scaring him away. I know he didnt fancy me in the beginning - as he works in the gym, it is his workplace. I didnt push it with him at all, he works there, so it is a workplace for him. but we started doing an excersies class together in the mornings outside of the gym and got to know each other better through that. We texted a lot around this time and went on a couple of dates before we kissed and waited for a few weeks before we slept together. The sexual chemistry between us is very intense and we get along very well. So far so good.. Anyway, at this two and a half month stage, Im afraid of scaring him away with my insecurities. I feel like i need to know how he feels, but he's a typical man playing his cards close to his chest. I think it makes him uncomfortable talking about his feelings. Rationally though, he wants to spend time with me a lot normally, and do things like go for dinner and watch Dvds and cuddle. So i know he likes me, but should i be expecting more at this stage? We see each other nearly everyday too and im afraid that it will ruin the relationship as iv been told that men form emotional bonds with a girl when shes not there... The thing is, I'd have to stop going to my weight training class that he does if we werent to see each other every day. I've got friends in this class and i enjoy doing it... I've been doing it since i started in the gym and first met him 9 months ago.So basically, I want to cool it with him as i dont want us to get sick of each other! I also want to know how he feels, is he falling in love with me? He's hard to read, and its been a long time since ive been in this situation. My last relationship lasted nearly 8 years. He does talk about the future a bit, and he wants to go on a holiday together at the end of january. Is my confusion merely and insecurity? Also, how can we cool it if we see each other nearly every day in a class that I'd rather not quit!? Thanks for your help :) much appreciated!!
View related questions:
insecure, text, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dave1982  +, writes (12 December 2012):
It sounds like everything is going well in your relationship. Some of use men are a bit reserved because women tend to judge men very harshly on average. The more open we are early on, the more women (in general) are likely to run because they feel "locked in" and they aren't sure what to do.. Try meeting a stranger that is overly open about things and you will understand what I mean.
He definitely seems to like you a lot and no - absence does not necessarily make the heart grow fonder. He hangs out with you every day because he enjoys it, make sure that you enjoy that time with him and don't be insecure. If he's making plans for vacation (ie: holiday to you brits ;) then you KNOW he plans to be with you a month and a half from now. That means that he likes you :)
hmm, I think if you want to "open him up" you should look for more common interests. Find out what he likes to do, and if you like to do that to - go do it. The more he feels like you are on his "team" he should open up a bit. He could be a bit shy, have been through bad experiences, etc.. But the more he feels loved instead of judged, the more he'll open up since essentially what you would want is for him to say what he is thinking and let's be honest, if you feel like someone may react negatively to what you say, you may not say it. or, you may lie. But, it sounds like you guys have a great thing going so go out and enjoy it!
This is the really fun point when you guys get to know each other more so my advice to you is to enjoy the moment. If you want to get rid of your insecurity try this: Look for things that he does that show that he cares. Like when he does something extra because he cares. Though I warn you, whatever you do - don't test him to see if he cares! (Since it would be immoral to test someone that does care, and could backfire aswell.)
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (11 December 2012):
 At 2 and a half months you see each other all the time, cuddle, and he is planning a holiday almost 2 months from now. I'd say it's going very well and you have nothing more to expect at this point. It takes people different times to say 'I love you', so be patient with that. Don't worry so much about spending too much time together. If both of you are happy with when you see each other then who cares if some say a man needs space to form bonds with you? He knows what he needs, if he decides he wants more time apart he will let you know. Otherwise he is happy in this situation. You aren't expected to be a mind reader and to decide what is best for him. Do what makes each of you happy, and you both seem quite happy right now to me. You do sound a bit insecure and in my opinion you have no need to be insecure about him. He probably just isn't an emotional guy who tells all his feelings and it makes you worry, but as they say actions speak louder than words. And his actions are saying he likes you quite a bit.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Hi
I don't think you should give up the class, that would give the wrong message, anyway its a class there's not alot of time to chat etc,its not like going out on a date.
If you feel your seeing him too much as in dating time then make plans with your friends some nights.Tell him you don't want to lose touch with them.I don't know if you see him every night at the moment?
As for him liking you he clearly does but 2 months is a bit early for a man to declare undying love in my experience. Your going on holiday in January so he's happy to plan that far ahead. I say stick with this one, he sounds fine to me.
...............................
|
