A
female
age
36-40,
*azed & Confused
writes:I was in a three year relationship and I'm having a really hard time getting over him. I honestly think about him everyday and I can't help but feel lonely without him. I go out with friends but all I can think about is him. He left me for another girl and less than a week after our break up, he would send me text messages telling me what great sex he's having with her and would send me pictures to show me how much prettier she was than me. It has been about five months now and I still feel as though I'm in love with him. How can I GET OVER him? Please help!!! I don't want to have this low self esteem anymore; I don't want him to still have this influence over me.
View related questions:
broke up, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, burningbridges  +, writes (24 June 2007):
In follow up to your follow up:
You're blaming yourself for the bad behaviour of your ex. This is a classic abuse victim habit. You did -nothing- to deserve what he's doing.
A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (24 June 2007):
The only thing that has ever got me over something that im having problems with, is time. I tell myself that in a few weeks or so i wont feel so bad. And if he keeps being so nasty, you will eventually realise he is a horrible person and will think less of him. Hang in there, you deserve so much better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dazed & Confused +, writes (24 June 2007):
Dazed & Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I do agree with all of you; he has been acting horribly. No one deserves to be treated that way. But I feel as though I gave him reasons to lash out at me that way. I know he's hurt because a year before our break up, we were on a break because I caught him talking to one of his exgirlfriends. I told him I wouldn't get back with him and I began dating another amazing guy days later. I never told my ex because he would be hurt; but he found out and threatened to hurt himself if I didn't come back. By that time I had begun to really like the new guy, so I did something really stupid and dated them both. This lasted for 1.5 months; I felt awful and decided to end things with the new guy before anything got serious. I didn't want to see my ex sad and decided to give us another chance. Surprisingly, I began to fall in love with him again because he seemed to have changed (I was an idiot). Later, he found out what I did and he never forgave me for it. I know that's why he's lashing out at me now. I never meant to hurt him.
...............................
A
female
reader, burningbridges +, writes (23 June 2007):
If your boyfriend feels the need to taunt you, he's not over you. He's also an abusive jerk, but take comfort in the fact that he's so pathetic he -still- wants you to give input into his life.He wants to make you unhappy so he knows he's still loved. So if he sends you another 'She's sooooo hot' message or photo, the best reply is 'I'm glad you're happy, but what does this have to do with me?'I feel sorry for you and the girlfriend. I bet if she knew he was talking about her sex life like that she'd be very embarassed. So you can see he's not even treating his new girlfriend properly. Tsk, you and her both deserve better. Feel free to tell him that, he's a lousy boyfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (23 June 2007):
 It's very hard when you have been with someone for that amount of time to just get over them, especially when it was not you that wanted to end the relationship.
To be honest with you the way he is treating you now is discusting sending messages and pictures like that, you obviously still know his number so if you see the messages come up with that number delete them without opening them to save yourself the heartache.
Carry on as you are keep going out with your friends and try and enjoy yourself in time you will look back on this and think , how could i have ever wanted to be with someone that was prepared to treat me in that way.
You sound like a lovely person and you will be happy again and find someone that truley makes you happy and shows you respect.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (23 June 2007):
 I agree with all the above. Sounds like a right T----R. Now to get over him...........Start by changing your bedroom round, move the furniture and have a really good clean. Throw every thing that he has bought for you over the past three years away (or give it to charity, pack it away in the loft where you can not see it)Go to the hairdressers and have your hairstyle changed, only if it is everso slightly. Stay away from your normal friends for a few weeks if you can. Do three things that you would not normally do (this can be anything from a walk in the park, visit someone you haven't seen for ages, go to the pictures)Change your mobile phone number...........I know it is a chore, but if you can't receive any contact from him, you can't get upset.And finally, don't you dare go back to him........he will not change. You are worth and deserve much more.X
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Honestly, the guy did you a favour as he is obviously very insecure and cold if he gets his kicks from rubbing your nose in the fact he has a new girl. You can see it as a pattern - he will do it to the current GF when he tires of her. Stop thinking fondly about this guy and start seeing him for what he is - surely you deserve better than someone who treats you that badly? Learn a lesson for the future about being careful who you date.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (23 June 2007):
 i agree with myp, if he's making u jelous then delete his no from ur phone, socialise, flirt, find a new richer, cuter man who will love u and not throw the luv bak in ur face,
gd luk and move on, even get a new hobbie
...............................
A
male
reader, willem  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 hey girl ,listen nothing we say will help u 'cause it looks like u really loved this bloke and if it was true love saw in him that special feeling for him might never die. rather use this in the future to set boundries of what u want from a relationship. i know its hard if ur heart is broken in pieces ,but remember u are the one who must put it back togethar and take ur time so that its stronger than it was before ................ goodluck;]
...............................
A
female
reader, Artemesian  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 You're obviously a really loving and nice person to still even feel that way about someone who doesn't deserve a single thought from you considering his actions. You won't have any trouble finding yourself a new boyfriend who is worthy of your love (if that is what you want) but I think to get over your ex is just a matter of firmly knowing that you were wrong about who he was obviously and is very much beneath your notice now. You can walk with your head held high and move on with your life, though of course he will always be a memory and hopefully one you can learn from. Best of luck you deserve to move on and be happy!
...............................
A
female
reader, myp +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Get a new guy. A cuter guy. A richer guy. He doesnt have to be all of those things just different. Even if you dont form a romantic realtionship with him, a guy friend is alwys great for when you need a shoulder to cry on. As for getting over the ex, you cant force it, eventually itll just happen and youll realize that you cant dwell on the past. In the mean time have some down time, concentrate on YOU, do some meditting or go to a spa, take care of yourself and sort out your priorities. Take care of whats most important, your own well being, and the pain will fade.-Myesha
...............................
|
