A
female
age
41-50,
*ust Saying
writes:I have been with my husband for 9 years, I cheated on him about 7 years ago and he found out. I never came clean but he is pretty sure that something happened. We have been married now for 6 years and for the past 2 years we have had a rocky relationship. He has allowed his family to move into our home and him and his family have taken over my home. A couple of months ago we seperated and I moved away with my family, while I was there I met someone, I was able to entertain myself with this person and everything was great. My husband started to look for me and get me back home, I did and well continued my relationship with the person that I met. Shortly after my husband found out and well now we are trying to move past this second affair. I am trying to decide if I should stay or should I go? this is difficult but there is so much damage done.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): I say be up front and save what you have left. beo open and honest.. bt
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Your heart is not in this marriage. It is elsewhere. Set both of yourselves free and get a divorce.
Can I ask why you never came clean on the pre-marital affair? I'm only asking because that was a critical mistake as I see it. It must be tough entering into a marriage carrying that burden. PM me if you want.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (6 October 2010):
 I agree with the others especially Jmc930. There doesn't seem to be enough love in the rubble to rebuild.
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A
female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (6 October 2010):
I say seperate. (I say this soley for your husband; he deserves a wife who doesn't commit adultery.)
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Completely agree with JMC!
Why are you staying? You don't seem to feel sorry or even as if you truly love your husband. If you truly wanted this to work, you should have been honest about affair number one. However, you weren't. You think he knows, but you won't show him the respect he deserves and tell him about it.
In regards to the in-laws moving in, that can be stressful, but the way you worded it, they "have taken over my home", is peculiar and very spiteful sounding, in my opinion. Sure, they can add stress, but they are his family. Couldn't you try to communicate about this issue and compromise?
The fact that you continued your second affair after moving back in with your husband is troubling. This indicates that, not only did you not learn from your first indiscretion, but you do not feel bad about it at all. So, again, I ask: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? You obviously are not happy or satisfied with the relationship you have with your husband.
Do him a favor and leave. For good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): It's interesting to me that you don't seem to be expressing any remorse for what you did or any love at all for your husband. If this is the case in reality, it sounds like it's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, QdBrown +, writes (6 October 2010):
Step away from both relationships for awhile, and get your emotions straightened out. It sounds like you should not have gotten married, but that is done, the damage of cheating, and now a new person again. Back off and let the dust settle, and don't rush off to the next in a bought of being long in lonely.
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