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We are engaged but I don't think I'm the one my fiance wants to be with

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I’ve been with my fiancé now for 4 years I feel like the relationship is on its way out I’ve had so much to put up with while we’ve been together we got engaged because he didn’t know what to get me for Christmas and his mum suggested it I only found out after he spends hundreds on himself every month when I’m always struggling with money trying to look after our 2 year old son myself and the house we both work he pays the rent I pay everything else he never makes time for us the last time we had any time together was in February this year cos his mum suggested it we don’t even have sex anymore which upsets me yet ive heard porn on his phone he’s been in the spare room for 7 months he just came home from work one evening and went to the spare room to set a bed up I found out my auntie who I’m close to had cancer I went to her house to see her while she had gone to do something I checked my phone I had 3 Facebook notifications he had added 2 women on and 1 woman that he had a one night stand with he always makes me feel like not the person he wants to be with any suggestions what I do I feel so low thank you

View related questions: christmas, engaged, facebook, fiance, money, one night stand, porn

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 August 2018):

Can't you see he doesn't really want to marry you? He leaves you to struggle financially; while he spends the money he earns as he pleases. He's not a family-man, and you know it.

How could you possibly justify marrying him after the post you wrote about him? You were simply an incubator to push-out a kid to prove he's fertile and manly; and can make babies. At lease something good came out of your four-year detention. A bouncing baby-boy! You actually seem to have two kids! A mama's boy, and your little precious!

Sweetheart, you can do bad all by yourself. Your post doesn't come across like a woman in-love. So he pays the rent; which means he must have the lease in his name. Probably to make sure you don't get to boot him out. Smart move!

You didn't see this in his character before you decided to have his kid? He's only there, because you have his kid. His mommy told him he had to stay with you. She's tired of picking-up after him, and cooking for him. Now that's your job to wipe his butt.

Get your legal-ducks in a row for child-support. You're about to become a single-mom...sorry, you're already a single-mom. You're about to leave him, and move-out on your own. He's going to help support your son.

I guess your post was submitted to vent your feelings. I think you know what you've got to do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhat do you WANT?

Do you want to continue this VERY dead relationship? Or do you want more?

Sure, some might say, DO pre-marital counseling BEFORE deciding if you really WANT to end it or move on to marriage with him.. I'd say that would be a waste of time.

He didn't propose because he WANTS to marry you. He proposed because his MOTHER suggested it. And maybe because he knows that you will "probably" stick around longer if he marries you.

He doesn't participate in this family he started.

He doesn't prioritize his child OR you at all.

He is your room mate who happen to father your child.

A ring on your finger will change what?

*hint hint*

ABSOLUTELY nothing.

So decide is THIS the life you want for you and your son or not.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (9 August 2018):

N91 agony auntIt’s not on its way out, it’s over.

He doesn’t prioritise you, you sleep in separate beds, no sex life, no thoughtfulness towards you.

What’s making you stay? Get out, marrying this guy won’t improbe anything.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWow! Just wow! Your fiance got you an engagement ring because he couldn't think of what to get you for Christmas so his MUM suggested he get you a ring? Wow!

You struggle financially looking after your son yet he spends hundreds on himself every month? Wow!

He is sleeping in the spare room and watching porn while you two don't share a sex life? Wow!

And you have agreed to marry this man?

Is this all you think you are worth? You are effectively a live-in nanny/house-keeper for him.

Can you afford to find a place of your own and move out with your son? Or live with parents/family/friends? Why would you want to stay with someone who so obviously doesn't give a shit?

Sweetheart, you and our son deserve so much better.

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