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My husband asked my permission to flirt on text messages

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2018)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husband loves me a lot, he is extremely extrovert and would be friendly to everyone, but some time back he has been asking me permission to flirt only on text messages, nothing on phone or meeting,he has been honest with me too about his chatting with other women, but I feel bad, don't know what to do??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

You should tell your husband that if he wishes to flirt with other women then it is only fair that you should be able to flirt with other men. You should not grant him permission to flirt with other people.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (10 August 2018):

Tisha-1 agony auntLife is too short to devote your life to a man whose ego is so needy that he needs to get ego boosts from women he does not know.

Life is too short to spend it with a man who wastes his time chatting up strangers instead of building his relationship with his wife.

He’s not a keeper, sadly.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 August 2018):

He's your husband. Male-dominated cultures allow men to do whatever they wish. I think he's condescending to you when he asks your permission. He's already flirting with women.

There is little advice anyone here can offer. What he is doing is common in Indian culture. Indian wives and women ask your same question all the time. Unless there is a culture-change; you are expected to be the dutiful, obedient, and agreeable-wife. While many modern Indian women are kicking old-school culture to the curb! It all depends on your upbringing! Lets be logical. If you had the nerve to say what you feel; you wouldn't be coming to us.

If you can summon the courage; you have to tell your husband you do not approve of his behavior; and you will not allow infidelity into your marriage.

If he persists, and I speculate he will; you will have to decide if you want to remain with a man who flirts with other women.

If he flirts, he will also want to see them. Once he finds one that suits him, he'll have an affair. No faithful husband would ask his wife if it's okay to message or flirt with other women. A good man wouldn't even think of treating his wife in such a way.

Your husband seems blatantly arrogant, insensitive, and quite disrespectful of you and your marriage. Consult with his parents and see what they think about it.

If he flirts and messages other women; it is only a matter of time before he decides to end the marriage to replace you. You're too submissive and timid. You don't stand-up to him. You simply agree with him; in order to please him, and to get along. He's testing you for sure.

You want to be told what to do? You won't do it.

You already know that he will simply do it anyway. He's a man, and he knows your culture will allow him to do as he pleases. Unless you decide to put your foot down.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAsk him how he would feel if YOU were asking HIM for permission to flirt with other men. Do NOT agree to this if it is something which makes you uncomfortable.

Or perhaps ask him if you should both ask his MOTHER whether she feels this is reasonable behaviour for a married man.

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A female reader, lastexit United States +, writes (9 August 2018):

You have every reason to feel bad. Why not ask him if you can chat and flirt with other men? Bet he won't like it.

It's natural to be attracted at times to others when in a committed relationship, but we don't act on it if we love our partners. What your husband is asking is completely inappropriate. Actively seeking to flirt and chat is asking for trouble. He's only a step or two away from giving way to the temptation of cheating on you. You should be his main focus, not these other women.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2018):

Ok.so ask to your husband the same thing! Dear, can I send flirting text to another guys?? No. Thats not ok my lady! Your husband is a grown man not a stupid teenager! Please respect yourself. He is making fun of you in your own face! Who knows where he is meeting all those women he text!

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A female reader, HisGirl0516 United States +, writes (9 August 2018):

Respect yourself, if you’re not comfortable with that then tell him. That’s why he’s your husband, it’s the person you can talk to and tell your feelings to. Don’t ever settle for something you don’t like. Him even asking you for permission is wrong girl, he has a wife, that’s what you’re for to flirt with him and if he’s not satisfied he needs to re-evaluate his relationship.

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A female reader, HisGirl0516 United States +, writes (9 August 2018):

Respect yourself, if you’re not comfortable with that then tell him. That’s why he’s your husband, it’s the person you can talk to and tell your feelings to. Don’t ever settle for something you don’t like. Him even asking you for permission is wrong girl, he has a wife, that’s what you’re for to flirt with him and if he’s not satisfied he needs to re-evaluate his relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2018):

flirt - Dictionary Definition : Vocabulary.com

https://www.vocabulary.com › dictionary

flirt. If you're interested in someone romantically, you might flirt with them, which means to chat them up or tease them in a playful way. Flirting is an indirect and fun way to let your crush know you're interested, like a seductive line or a few coy words. My input = piece of shit "husband".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2018):

Leading other woman on. Sexual advances towards other woman and not his wife. Of course he can talk to other woman, with Love and Respect. he obviously doesn't bear these attributes. Especially toward his wife. I'm so angry that another woman is being poisoned by a mans will(y) and ego. The monster lurks in your husband. That monster is scaring you and making you feel terrible and insecure, he's making a monster of you!. Those are NOT husbandly duties. Break free or demand respect.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2018):

Is he really your husband? When you die are you going to heaven together to be together forever?. I would say no, No, No. Sorry to bring death into this but we all die and then go to heaven or hell. If your husband wants to talk to other woman sexually then the recesses of his mind are dark. he has no true Love for his wife and he is a waste of life. Divorce him, let him live his life with "other WO man" and then let him rot in his unfaithful hell forever. My God, why is this man married.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (9 August 2018):

That to me is a HUGE no no. You can be an extrovert w/out crossing your relationship boundaries. Soon he will ask you to go on dates them and then to sleep w/them.

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