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Was that night a hookup or something more?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 June 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 June 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So there's this guy that I have liked for a long time. I have been crushing on him for a month. Me and him are friends but we talked occasionally. When we see each other we talk so much and joke around. We were texting one day and he stopped replying after a while. Then that night he ended up being at the same party as me. I was so drunk and while I was talking to him I kissed his cheek. Then he asked me to dance. We ended up dancing with eachother the entire night and we also kissed too a couple of times. I was pretty drunk and he was somewhat drunk too but we both sobered up by the end of the night. He snapchatted me that night after the party and we snapped eachother for a while the next day and I stopped replying after a while. Then 2-3 days later he texted me hi and we have been talking to eachother on and off for a while now. I have no idea what exactly we are. He will occasionally flirt with me and he is usually the first to snapchat me but most of the time he is the one who stops responding so I wait for him to snapchat me again. This time I stopped responding because I just don't know what to do. I have no idea if that was a hookup or something more. I'm really confused what exactly we are so its hard for me to talk to him because I don't know what to classify him as. Please help!

View related questions: crush, drunk, flirt, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, if he doesn't ASK you out, but has no problem MAKING out with you, he isn't interested in you as a potential GF.

Some people can kiss anyone they find attractive when being drunk, doesn't mean they want anything serious.

I'd stick to JUST being friends and NOT be intimate (such as kissing and making out) with him.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (18 June 2015):

chigirl agony auntHes still just a friend you occasionally talk to, it seems clear to me. If you want more then howcome you dont ask to meet him, I wonder?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (18 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntClassify him as "all chat no action."

Don't wait around for him and for now, don't text him unless he's texted you first.

Here's the brutal truth: if he wanted to be with you, he'd be putting his energy into that goal.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2015):

If a guy doesn't ask you out on a date, or want to spend his time with you; just consider him a friendly contact.

The odds aren't in your favor if you've been friends awhile; and he has never asked you on a date.

The night you were drunk and making-out, only indicates there may be a sexual-attraction; but it wasn't a hookup by any means. It was only affection laced with alcohol. Which has very little meaning; because he may have done the same thing with any random attractive intoxicated female. You made the first move.

Just texting or snap-chatting leaves things too vague.

Chatting through social media is friendly, but not romantic. Friends joke and kid around. Your interest is along romantic-lines. Beyond just making-out after drinks at a party.

Drunken misbehavior is sometimes a red-flag. He may not feel he can trust you under such circumstances; if he did decide to date you. Such things should be taken into account. Be mindful of your behavior when drinking. First impressions are lasting impressions.

If you have to ask, you need to go to the source for more information. Don't let guys beat around the bush. Often that is an indication they just want to fool-around, be friends with benefits; and/or they want to make sure there are no emotional-strings attached before showing any interest. They want to see how far they can go without offering any commitment. So they play safely from the sidelines. There is nothing you can hang your hat on between you right now. He's just a friend.

Next time you hear from him, ask if he has a girlfriend. That will clear-up a lot of things. He just broke-up, she's out of town, he's in a LDR, his relationship is in limbo; and he just decided to fly solo one given night, and went to a party. Your meeting was purely coincidental. Attribute nothing to fate. Assume nothing without asking if a guy is single. Just because you've never seen a girlfriend, doesn't mean he doesn't have one; or another girl in mind.

Being direct will also put him on the spot; and make him have to explain what his intentions are towards you; as well as let you know if he is, or isn't, romantically-attracted to you. Kissing when you were both drunk was just behavior under the influence.

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