A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone and merry christmas.so i wanted to ask some advice and opinions off of you.so i met this guy online 3 months ago and we have totally hit it off and we have chatted loads and got on really well and plan to meet up in a couple of weeks. he lives quite far away so we havent had the chance to meet yet.he works in the construction industry and he went for a xmas night out the other day with his work colleagues.and for a laugh they all went to a gentlemans club. one of those ones where the stripper/dancers come around the tables and dance.and its not as if he kept it a secret from me. he told me straight away when he got home.but something about it made me really angry/upset. i didnt say much to him. just that it didnt feel too nice for me to think of him in a place like that.but i was a bit upset about it.am i overreacting? or is it normal for me to feel a bit unhappy about it? thanks for your time guysxx.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): "I think that strip clubs objectify women and promote misogyny, but that is only my personal opinion."True. On the other hand, I've been to one and I recognize it for what it is. I think you should try to figure out from him whether it's a habit or not and his feelings about it. If he thinks it's no big deal and goes often, then stay away.
A
female
reader, feralfox  +, writes (26 December 2011):
I understand how you feel, but it doesn't sound like you two know each other well enough quite yet for you to get upset. You are completely entitled to your feelings of course, but unless you two commit to one another and talk about what that commitment means, I don't think you have a right to tell him where to go. I think a better question to ask yourself is, "Do I want to go out with someone who goes to strip clubs with his friends?" Some women don't care, some do. I think that strip clubs objectify women and promote misogyny, but that is only my personal opinion. If a guy I was getting to know went to one, I would consider his personality and how much I like him before writing him off. If we were in a relationship and he did that, I would be upset. But it's not like he was hiding it, it sounds like he was just having a single-guy's night out with his friends. I wouldn't express your concern unless you become intimate or date him and he continues to visit the clubs.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 December 2011):
 you are feeling jealous and insecure.... is it normal?
probably if you like the man more than the amount of contact you have had.
you know in your brain it's not right for you to be upset and yet your gut and heart bother you that he DARED to look at other woman.... (end sarcasm)....
my best advice.... guard your heart... you care more than you should at this point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm not saying i have a right to be upset at him 'natasia'.
just making the point that something about it made me feel a bit uneasy and upet.
we havent fought over it or anything. he can go wherever he wants and i wouldnt try to stop him.
but its just when i hang out with my guy friends or go out he does ask a lot of questions and can seem a bit jealous.
even thought we havent met in person we have formed quite a close bond. i didnt think it was possible just through phoning and skyping but i feel like we both feel a bit unsure of how to feel when situautions like this come up cos we arent a couple but we both do feel a bit insecure at times.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 December 2011):
 I think it was totally harmless - he was just in a group, and went along with what they were doing. It would have seemed weird if he had not gone.
And, you only know each other online and have not even met yet.
And, he told you about it.
I think you are over reacting.
I think you have no right to be upset until you have been in a proper relationship for some time, and even then, you might feel upset, but you would have to just smile and let him do it.
I think you are being silly.
Joke about it with him instead.
Ask him if he had fun.
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