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Was my boyfriend insensitive to praise this new employee to the extent he did? Or am I being too sensitive?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2016)
A female Canada age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend a few years now and we love each other but a comment he made this morning really upset me...

He was interviewing this woman for a job and he texted me afterwards saying she was excellent and that he would be hiring her in his team...

now I thought he was being insensitive because why tell me about her in the first place?

Praising her up to the eyeballs like she can also walk on water! I just thought he was over the top in his comment....am I being too insensitive? Or was he trying to make me jealous?

View related questions: jealous, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2016):

Whoa just read he's a married man having an affair with you...In which case I very highly doubt he cares much about you at all. He is betraying his wife by having a relationship with you, your his bit of excitement on the side. No matter what cock and bull story he tells you - he still goes home to his wife and gives her some bullshit story too so he can have the both of you.

Do yourself a favour and be more than some pathetic man's bit on the side and be with someone who can actually commit to you and you alone.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (31 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou obviously have trust issues because you are being unfaithful with a married man, I guess people do say what goes around comes around. That's karma for you. The thing is why would he be sensitive to you anyway when you are the bit on the side and it is his wife he goes home to at night? Maybe you should concentrate on you and your self esteem at the moment, because you are being very insensitive, plus you are being a home wrecker. Not a good combination.

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A female reader, ova-valentine United States +, writes (31 March 2016):

ova-valentine agony auntI agree with wrathykins and Honeypie, that it's OKAY for him to be telling you about an employee that he thought was particularly suited for the job. I'm sure if you were an employer and you found someone who the job was practically made for, you would tell your boyfriend about how great they were.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (31 March 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt It does not have to be his own business for him to be happy having found an excellent applicant . He just needs to care about doing his job properly. His responsibilities include interviewing and selecting the best possible candidate for a certain position; a good choice will reflect positively on his judgement and professionalism, and a bad one will reflect negatively.

I see anyway what you are getting at - this guy is not the faithful type , he can't be trusted 100% ,... so who knows if he could pass from appreciating this woman professionally to appreciating her personally.

Exactly, OP- who knows. That's part of the game you have accepted to play. You will always have the doubt that he may betray you same as he has betrayed his wife. " The way you get them is the way you lose them " kind of thing.

But you would have the same doubt anyway anywhere- why should he be hitting on a coworker rather than, say, a client, a neighbour, or the bartender where he goes to drink, or the shop clerk who helps him with a purchase ... or some vague friend of a friend of a friend from Facebook, as for that.

The only solution would be to keep him away altogether from any woman but you ( and his wife )- but since this is not possible, you will have to accept that doubt is a part of your relationship.

If this can be of any comfort to you, I doubt that when a man is looking for a mistress, or for a fling, he chooses based on the woman 's excellent work references or typing speed or "cum laude " degree. This lady might come straight out from Harvard, and she would not be necessarily more of a rival for you than,say, the high school drop out who manicures his nails.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2016):

It's not his business he is just a manager, and he is having a affair with me, he's married too,

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Cindy.

If he was praising her SKILLS, then I think you are overreacting. I think he is VERY "entitled" to be excited and happy to have found an employee with the skills the company needs.

If he has interview a slew of candidates and no one else have stood out I think it's quite understandable that he praised her.

If she had been a guy, you wouldn't have batted an eyelid about him praising a new team-member, now would you?

I also agree that it is NORMAL to talk to your partner about your job and co-workers.

So I really don't see why you have an issue here, at all.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (31 March 2016):

CindyCares agony auntIf that is all your bf said, you are being too sensitive... verging on the slightly maniacal !

As if he had sung the praise of her splendid 34 DD bust !

Well, as a matter of fact, I don't even think that when you are in a healthy happy relationship, you need to feel always in competition lookswise with other females, anyway yes , that type of comment would have been really uncalled for.

But he was praising this woman's excellent professional qualifications ! He was excited about having found someone who is potentially a treasure trove for his business !

Why should have not said anything ? Don't you ever talk about work, don't you tell each other when something noteworthy happens on the job ?... As normally people in a relationship do ?..

If you were to hire a multilingual assistent and found one who speaks fluently 5 languages ,wouldn't you be thrilled ? An accountant who's a true whiz with numbers ? A bodyguard who's also a martial arts world champion ?... ( And so on and so forth ).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2016):

Was his actual text "she is excellent and I will be hiring her on my team".

If so, I can't see what your problem is. Even if it praised her a bit more and spoke about her skills - this is work related.

He is going to work with women, that's part of life. If you are jealous because he has employed a woman then I suggest you consider seeing a relationship counsellor because you could ruin a happy relationship by letting unavoidable, innocent things make you jealous (such as your partner employing a woman).

It is unrealistic to expect your partner to not employ a woman, he probably would've said the same things about a male had he found the right male candidate.

What's great is that he obviously was open minded enough to look for the best person for the job -male or female - and was excited to have found them.

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2016):

wrathykins agony auntIs that all he said, that she was excellent? Then yes, you are being insensitive.

Putting myself in his shoes, if I was trying to hire someone and I found a person that ticked all the boxes and more for the job, I would be excited about hiring them.

He probably would have said exactly the same thing if it had been a male that was excellent.

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