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Unfinished business? Should I leave my current GF for an ex?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Long distance, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *nonqwerty writes:

Dear Cupid,

I have been going out with my current girlfriend for roughly 5 months now, and everything was going fine, until my ex recently came back on the scene.

I had a strong connection with my ex and we were each others best friends. I do not feel this way, and nor do I think I will ever feel this way about my current partner.

During the last few months of my relationship with my ex, our relationship turned to a LDR, and the underlying reason for the LDR caused me to become a bit withdrawn, and thus, we started to drift apart. I then found out she had slept with a couple of guys, and I cut all contact.

Recently, my ex has come back into my life, and after meeting up for coffee, she told me that she still has strong feelings for me, and although I should be 100% committed to my current relationship, I admitted I still have feelings for her also (I do still genuinely feel that she's the one).

I feel I have unfinished business with my ex. But the woman I'm currently with has been nothing but fantastic to me, and does not deserve to be hurt like this.

Do I cut all contact with my ex and stop chasing 'what if' scenarios, and give my current relationship a go hoping my feelings for my partner grow stronger over time?

Or should I leave her to give it another go with my ex?

View related questions: best friend, my ex

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (1 April 2016):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThe manner in which you describe your feelings for either - or, both - of these women "tells" me that even YOU don't know how you feel about the two of them.....

Considering that... you might as well flip a coin, or roll dice.... and let that guide your choice.

IF/when you are REALLY in love with one of them.... you would not be able to ask the question that you are asking....

Good luck...

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (31 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntWhen you say everything was going fine, do you mean you where developing feelings for her or do you mean you where just happy enough to go with the flow?

It is a strong indicator that if after five months you don't have a strong connection with your girlfriend then you should end the relationship. If you feel you where more suited to your ex well that is okay but you need to let your girlfriend go so that she can meet someone who will love her completely.

You already made a mistake by meeting up with your ex am guessing behind your girlfriends back? So you have disrespected your girlfriend already and you are going down a slippery slope. You both have admitted that there are feelings their, so please do the right things and end things with your girlfriend, it is the kindest thing to do. Yes she may have been fantastic towards you, but you will only hurt her more by staying with her when you don't have strong feelings for her.

Now I would say go back to your ex, however you mention that she cheated on you with a couple of guys, can you forgive her for this? Can you actually trust her not to do it again? It sounds to me like it would be a lot of hard work trying to have a relationship with someone who cheated on you. Off course that is your decision to make.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (31 March 2016):

dougbcoll agony aunt get back with EX. like other poster said current girl deserves someone who truly loves her.

your current girl does not need to play second place in your life, she deserves to be first place in someone's life.

you get back with ex ,you cant expect things to be perfect. the grass you know will not be greener. basic : she cheated on you.slept with a couple other guys. where will the trust be with her?

if she did this a couple of times with other guys what is going to stop her in the future from doing the same thing again?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2016):

Uhm... your ex slept with with other guys when you both still were in a relationship. LDR yea, but a relationship in the end. Isn't that supposed something that you don't forgive so easily?

To be honest, end with your current girlfriend. Because she deserves someone who TRULY loves her RIGHT NOW, not someone who would "wait" for the feelings to grow after. I just think it's completely unfair and really bad of you to be with her if you don't really "feel it". Honestly, this looks as if you were treating your current gf as a backup plan. Second choice. It's digusting and unforgivable.

Maybe it'll work with your ex, maybe not. My answer: cut with your current gf. Let her be happy.

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