A
female
age
30-35,
*mpmysilence
writes:i'm going to try and make this as short as possible.ok, so here's the deal I met a group of people during an abusive relationship, and they were really nice and supportive and helped me whenever i needed it. Four years later my friend died (suicide) and because i was grieving they started calling me nasty names and said life isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows so i just need to get over it. might i add im 22 and they are in their 30's. between 10-15 years older than i am. Anyway, i stood up for myself and they didnt like that, so that was the end of the friendship with that WHOLE group. I actually feel better now that i'm done with them. a week, i went out to a bar and made friends with the bartender... i kept going back to this bar and made friends with everyone who works there. i thought i finally found a group of friends that really appreciates me. i would go there every weekend to visit them and we would hang out when they got off of work. Eight months later i was extremely happy. then things took a weird turn. another friend who goes to this bar had an accident. she got too drunk one night had an accident and was very badly injured.NONE of them asked her if she was ok or contacted her at all. one guy even went as far as to say "nasty things about her. It just made me stop and wonder what they really thought of me. Then my dad had his 4th heart attack. I called my friends and no one answered and i texted 3 people that work at this bar and i told them i was freaking out i didnt know how to feel or what to do. (my father and i aren't close) I NEVER heard back from them. it's been 7 months since i stopped going there because they weren't there for me and i still haven't gotten a "hi" or "how are you?" I thought these people actually cared about me. my problem is now i miss them terribly. ive been having dreams about them every night and i just want them back in my life. I loved having a group of friends like that. am i justified in feeling the way i do? i feel as though they betrayed me and abandoned me. i feel like i was nothing but another customer to them. or did i overreact?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 From the description of what has happened, it sounds as if you get your validation and strokes from those around you... to the exclusion of providing strokes to and by YOURSELF.....
IF that's so... then you are destined to a future wherein you may well find that OTHERS are sufficiently wrapped up in THEMSELVES that they are not likely to be able to ALSO provide YOU with the strokes that YOU need....
Bottom line: Make YOURSELF happy about YOURSELF... and don't depend upon - or expect - others to provide or contribute your own happines.... They'll disappoint you.
Good luck...
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 September 2012):
I think what you needed was along the lines of close friends but I think a group of people like this can not qualify as such. Perhaps you have placed too much faith something which was not there. This does not mean that you made a mistake or that they are bad people. The kind of problems you experienced as well as your friend are very personal so it may be natural for people to appear uncaring but in reality they aren't as close as you may have come to think. At the end of the day you are trying to socialize with workers. There will always be that social border unless they themselves have done something for you which is out of their way. I am though, a little confused about why you talked about the first experience with the group. I am guessing you feel the same sort of abandonment but you should be careful in your judgements of others. It is easy for a "group" of people to get the wrong idea about something. I don't really understand why the group were so harsh on you but in a weird way it gave you the courage you needed to stand up for yourself, something I am sure you lacked. With these bar friends I feel like the situation is different. I would recommend refraining from relying on people in the workplace and try to develop close relationships with one or two people first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): Hi,First, my condolences. I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through some very difficult times.I think that making good friends is not easy in general because you're never sure about how people define "friendship". Some may enjoy having lots of superficial relationships, other will enjoy fewer relationships but deeper ones. The latter are I think more fulfilling. I personally believe in deeper relationships. Now, what you need to do is to go where you know that people will be looking for such relationships too. Why not try and join a support group for example? Also, why not try out joining "meetup" for groups of all sorts of interests? These are just ideas but these places will definitely enable you to make new friends, then only time will tell if they will be caring, supportive ones. All the best and good luck!
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Whatever they were to you, they weren't true friends who stand with you and support you when you need them. Why go back? Make some real friends.
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