A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Do you think I was unreasonable when I was younger and do you think I’m being silly now and perhaps over reacting ? I get very upset about all this from my past:My first marriage was in 1981 when I was 29yrs old. A week after our wedding my husband started a new job 20 miles away in senior management. Three months later he told me he’d been invited out socially from work but husbands and wives were not invited. I was very upset as we were so happy and had always done everything together. These nights out continued for the next 15 years of our marriage approximately once a month. They even joined a health club involving charity events, sports matches, drinks all round and life was such a laugh for them! My husband clearly did not want me there and I felt totally rejected.Within six months of being married it became very obvious to me that a divorced woman in the office called Jo (not her real name) fancied him. I was sure Jo was the one arranging all the nights out. My husband was constantly telling me that Jo had suggested how we should live our lives, where we should go, what we should plant in our garden etc. and I was sick to the back teeth of her so called ‘good advice’. I kept quiet and went along with things because I didn’t want to appear like the ‘nasty person’ who was always grumbling about her. Dozens of things happened over the years that made me suspicious of her, the main one being a surprise party that was arranged for my husband after work, but nobody had the courtesy to tell me about it or invite me because clearly I was not welcome!Eventually, when we had two young children, my husband told me that after the work night out they were all staying at Jo’s house! By now I had just had enough! When I complained my husband told me I was making mountains out of molehills and to shut up! Amazingly apart from the issues with his social life at work, and Jo, we actually got on very well with each other. I wanted to be happy and we had a good social life with our married friends, but every few weeks the work social life would rear its ugly head again. I gave up bothering. We divorced in 2000 and I felt the most enormous sense of relief, brought up our children alone and made a new and happy life for myself. My husband went to live with Jo, though not immediately, and after two years he ducked out of his financial responsibilities and left me to struggle, but I was happy.In 2018 I re-married. I then received an email from my ex husband asking for money which he claims I had a moral obligation to pay him. I then received a very nasty email from Jo accusing me of bleeding him dry, demanding money, being selfish, sponging off others etc. I couldn’t believe it! I had no idea my husband had been telling lies about me. I dealt with this issue very politely sending her an email correcting her on every issue she raised, I even posted a copy of our divorce papers to their house to show her that our divorce was fair and that my ex husband was supposed to have been paying me maintenance for years. In addition to all this Jo now calls herself Granny to my four Grandchildren. I find this so hurtful, especially when comments about ‘our darling little Grandsons’ are written on Facebook. My family tell me to ignore it, that she is at least being kind to the children, but I find it very difficult to do this. This woman has been a thorn in my side since 1981 and she continues to be so. I would like to call at the house with a large tank of Covid19 germs on my back and spray it all over her and my ex husband ! Jo aimed for maximum insult in her email to me and achieved her goal of really upsetting me. It really gets me down.
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at work, divorce, facebook, money, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2020): Thank your lucky stars the thorn is nothing much than an irritation now, and yes! I understand your feeling about the past and how you were right about this woman and husband for all those years. What a couple of jerks. I am just glad you are free and so should you be.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2020): Line up all your ducks and see a lawyer.
Go after him for child support back payments.
Let him and Jo sit at home with no party money.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your comforting replies. You are all right, I think Jo perhaps is jealous, which actually serves her right for chasing after a married man with two young children all those years ago. My sons don't want to see the email she sent me. Unfortunately I think my ex husband poisoned their minds many years ago and told them untruths so they're not sure who to believe, although my younger son is starting to see his father in a different light these days. I will bear in mind what you have all said next time any little incidents occur that bring this whole issue to the surface again. Thank you once again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2020): Please don't blame yourself for any of these unfortunate events concerning "Jo." No-one really sees these things coming; because we want to think the best of our partners, delude ourselves into thinking our relationships are perfect, and somehow we hide ourselves in denial; because facing the ugly-facts becomes too hard to bear. You were a little naive; but mostly, you just wanted your marriage to be normal and happy. You outgrew your naivete. You managed to come to terms with reality; and you successfully raised your two kids alone.
Don't let Jo reign darkness over your life. She can make empty-claims to your grandchildren, but they are not related. Even if she married your ex; she is a wannabee step-grandmother, but that doesn't compare to your blood-connection to the children. They have your DNA! She only has Facebook and unfulfilled wishes! Apparently he doesn't love Jo enough to marry her after you left him; she has settled for being his perpetual-girlfriend all this time. You're obviously a tough act to follow, he won't even make her legit! You've moved-on, started a new life; and you really don't have to bother having anything to do with that woman. Out of sight, out of mind! She's apparently so unhappy or dissatisfied in her own life, that she has to niggle at yours. She got the second-hand man!
I know what she stands for in your life; and apparently she can't leave you alone. Ignoring her is easier said than done; because people like her make it their mission to see what they can do to get under your skin, or to rub your nose in their filth. Unless she gets your reaction, her actions are foolish and pointless. You have to bite the bullet about the grandchildren; that's all fantasy... maybe a vain-attempt at prodding your ex into marrying her. You eventually remarried. She's just the woman who plotted to steal the man who cheated on you. No prize for all the effort. She envies your life. You've survived what she did to your marriage. You have another husband, your kids have grown-up, and blessed you with grandchildren. She has only the crumbs you've left behind. In futility, she's scratching to get more. Taint gonna happen!
Think about it, sweetheart. What joy is there in seeing the woman whose marriage you plotted to destroy prosperous and happy? In spite of everything she did to steal your life away. Yet you have everything she doesn't; and she only got the man you've discarded. She can't leave you alone, because she ended-up with the cheating broke-ass husband you left behind. Why would they be coming after you for money, unless they didn't have any?
Live long, and prosper! God blessed your life, in spite of what they did to hurt you. Trust me, Jo is envious; and she can't really hurt you anymore. Not unless you give-in and allow her to. If she was happy, would she have time to think-up ways to get at you? Why is that even necessary? She is entirely irrelevant! A pestoring fly! Block her comments and access to your Facebook page! Easy remedy to that.
She's a master at passive-aggression, you have to grow a thicker shin! Compare your lives, who has to bother whom?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 November 2020):
 I agree with Code Warrior.
Don't let Jo, do any more harm to your life. BLOCK her DUMBASS number, BLOCK her on social media. Set up HER email address to go to JUNK mail. If you see one from her, JUST delete it. You don't OWE her shit! Least of all to read her vitriol!
Show your kids the email from her. They deserve to know WHAT she is really like. And show them your response.
You have been the GOOD wife and GOOD ex-wife FAR to long.
As for what your grandkids call her, IT DOESN'T MATTER! She isn't the grandma. They know. If the kids/grandkids are comfortable calling her granny, LET them. WHO cares! WHY care?! MAKE the visits of your grandkids to YOUR house the BEST they can be for you and the little ones!
FOCUS on your new marriage, your kids and grandkids!
I think your family is right, IGNORE the COW and your TWAT of an ex.
In your head find a way to forgive them, FOR you. (not TO them for FOR them) but so that YOU can let the past go. There IS no point in suffering over the past. That would be letting Jo and your ex win.
STOP caring about them. FOCUS on the important stuff. Such as YOUR life. YOUR new husband and YOUR kids and grandkids. In the grand scheme of things know that, Your ex is a cheat and a liar. He deserves someone as stupid as Jo. Know that. They can be miserable together.
Life goes on. No need for you to carry the "sins" of your ex and Jo. LET them GO. BLOCK them as BEST as you can. Stop looking at their social media. THEY are not important.
Chin up and ENJOY life. It's too short to make your life revolve around the two of them!
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