A
male
age
41-50,
*eadEyeDick
writes:Ok, my neighbor girl basically pursued me, I felt no attraction of any sort for her in the beginning(except for she was hot), but her persistence, and her cute way, eventually started getting to me without me even knowing, she is 20, im 34, she is bratty, and deceitful, and I couldn't say I really was ever in love with her, as I never really felt butterflies, or anything of that sort, she was full blown over me, and I felt bad many times, when she would tell me how she felt like her body was floating, and would draw my name on everything, and i was her first love, many times I thought of her as a pest, as she would constantly hang around, when i wanted to hang out with friends, or just be alone, she wouldn't catch the hint, Ive recently found out she was infatuated with another guy, and she left last week to her grandmas house in a different state, to take care of her sick grandma, well since she's gone Ive all of the sudden felt a part of me is missing, and the info about the other guy has given me that sinking feeling in my gut, this all ads up to something that appears to have snuck up on me without me expecting it, i always tried to keep her a certain distance away, merely for the fact she is only 20, and I know how 20 year old girls are, i feel like a dumb ass asking about this, what would you guys say is going on here? has this ever happened to any of you? I know there couldn't have ever been anything long term, our age is a shear indicator that we are on different levels, but i thought i kept myself so guarded, and thought id be alright, boy was I a fool, maybe somebody on here can share a similar experience, or tell me what went wrong, im really missing her, and it was never supposed to feel like this. thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (30 November 2011):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the question PerhapsNot, you make a lot of sense, I am almost embarrassed that I posted this, as I guess it is jealousy more then anything, I'm not really in a spot right now where I have a whole lot of female interaction in my life.I got out of a 10 year relationship, I am not really a guy that can do one night stands, I know Ive been called a fag, a queer, a pussy, and everything else associated with being a man that cant have sex with a girl he doesn't have feelings for, so I guess I started feeling comfortable with her, and it takes alot of time for me to get to that point where I do feel OK, so it's kind of like my love life is once again being reset. I guess some of it is dealing with the fact I know it will be a long time before I am with another girl again, see how confusing and stupid I am? now Ive had time to reflect on this, it all boils down to none other then sex, and maybe the fact I am comfortable with someone enough to have sex with them makes me feel a certain way towards them, and i mistake it for love, as I do not want to deal with a 20 year old and her ridiculous frame of mind.yet I miss her company, her love, and her attention, im feeling a lot better now then a few days ago, I actually had a sad heart for a few days, you guys have really helped me out, thanks.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Hi DeadEyeDick,
It's very easy. When she comes back, you should talk to her. Tell her that after she was gone, you realize how much you care for her, and that you would like to continue seeing her exclusively. After that, it's up to her. About the other guy, who cares? Maybe, she just have a crush, since she's not sure about your relationship with her. If you like her, don't give up.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 November 2011):
 After reading the additional information, I once again think that you really don't miss her as a person. You may miss HOW she loves you; you miss the aggression and passion that she brought into your life, but those were all actions that made you feel good. The fact that you were never interested in her, but began to "care" for her as you were sleeping with her - bad sign. I don't think any woman wants to hear: hey, you know, I was never interested in you, but because you so passionate and aggressive in bed, I started to have feelings for you.
What you're describing doesn't sound like love, but rather good sex....and missing it. You could have chosen to be exclusive with her once you started sleeping with her, but you didn't. Could it be because you simply don't care and connect with her mentally? I mean, you have yet to describe her personality in a positive light. From your description she is bratty, deceitful, annoying and clingy. Part of the reason is because SHE IS 20.
You weren't interested in making her your girlfriend because she is an immature, silly 20 year old and you're 33. Hell, I am 26 and I would never date a 20 year old. They have yet to expand and solidify their character and let's be honest - they're stupid and annoying. And I'm sure once I hit 33, I will see them as teenagers even more so than now. You two have nothing in common except sex. Just let it go and save your energy for someone you're actually interested in; someone you don't have to fuck several times to develop feelings for.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 November 2011):
 umm when my boyfriend was 20 I was 33 so age means nothing
if you miss her tell her.
of course you say she's bratty and deceitful... so what part of that are you missing? you said she didn't take hints when you wanted to be with your buddies... so what part of that are you missing?
exactly WHAT part of her are you missing?
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (24 November 2011):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell PerhapsNot, one thing that would be different would be that I would care, I guess I wasn't really clear on a couple things, I have given into her many attempts at bedding me, I blew her off, and turned her down for damn near 7 months before one night I had smoked a little, and drank alot! when I got home, she crawled through my window, yes she didn't even bother dinging the bell or knocking on the door, for some reason that I really cannot explain(being intoxicated doesn't really explain it)on that night, unlike many many previous nights, I went with it, and she was so passionate and aggressive, i had really never been loved like that before in my life, and Ive been loved a couple times, still didn't make me anymore attracted to her, or interested, the more we slept together, the more I started to care about her, If she was back, I would totally re-evaluate the whole situation, I would be exclusive to her, I don't know this is all brand new to me, Ive never ever been taken this way before, and yes, the ego stroking is nice, but I think she really likes this other guy, and it hurts, does anyone see my own stupidity here? or am i being way hard on myself, to sum it all up, I didn't really realize that I did love her, until she wasn't around anymore, I don't know, if any of you aren't confused by this, please chime in, because im confused just trying to explain it to you, thank you for all your posts, i look forward to reading more of your thoughts.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 November 2011):
Hi DeadEyeDick,
If you have the chance to talk to her, ask her out, do so.....
Age should never be a problem. It all depends on the person. If you both get along, make each other happy, that's all that matters. Next time, do not over think too much. I admire you for being responsible man, but sometimes you should enjoy life, take it easy, go with the flow....
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): My husband is 14 yeras older than me. There is nothing wrong with this relationship so just be yourself.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 November 2011):
It sounds more like you miss the ego stroking than you miss her. I think you were flattered that some hot, little thing was all over you. The fact that she is now hoovering around another guy....Well, we all want to be the center of adoration, whether it is real love, lust, infatuation, or non-romantic interests. It makes us feel good and it does the ego good.
What do you miss really? How would your relationship be different if she was back?
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Just get with her. She will make you feel alive. leave your inhibitions to the side and just be thankful for these feelings. ask her out.
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