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Trust ring--what should I have engraved on it?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 October 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2016)
A female Australia age 13-15, anonymous writes:

I lied to my boyfriend, and I made many mistakes. I'm getting him a promise ring and I want it to make up for all of that, to show him he can trust me and I won't ever make the same mistakes again. What should be engraved on the ring?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (8 November 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI'm glad it's working out - I just hope it wasn't expensive, in case it gets damaged, lost or you break up.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 November 2016):

Honeypie agony auntOP, the 90% of the time were in regards to the kids I mentioned NOT you. IF you actually READ what I wrote.

You having lied ONCE to him is something he will get over, he has or will lie to you too.

There is a HUGE difference from ONE like to someone who is a compulsive liar (again like the kids I mentioned) but again a ring won't fix that. It's great that he likes wearing it and even better that he is over what happened, but a ring is just a symbol.

As for the comments on here - well you get a mixed bag because people are different, have a different opinion and some OP's give very vague questions in hopes of getting the answer they want.

Take what you can USE from the answers and ignore the rest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Gee, thanks for some of the comments I got. Really cheered me up. FYI, I got him the ring and we are closer then ever.

He wears it every where.

As for the first comment, is one lie really that bad that I can't be trusted ever again? I don't think so.

At the time I was overreacting and comments like that don't improve my situation whatsoever. You pretty much crushed a clueless teenagers heart. "Why should he care about a liar", you're totally right, after lying once and making little mistakes such as getting a little moody at times I should leave him for his sake because he shouldn't care about a girl who loves him that lied to him once and confessed to her for the most recent comment, "90%" of the time? Where in the world did you get 90% from? You have based your whole opinion based on this stupid thought that I have lied so many times and tell lies everyday just for "the sake of lying"?.

I never said anything to do with that. . I appreciate everyone's comments, well, some comments.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI think you should skip the ring and LEARN to stop lying. While everyone lets out a "white" lie here and there, but to constantly lie is something you NEED to work on. You need to stop.

Giving him a ring? Won't make you stop lying.

Giving him a ring won't make him automatically trust you. It's just fluff unless you BACK of the "I'm not going to lie to you any more promise" with some serious actions.

So maybe YOU need to consider WHY you lie and work on that.

I know some kids (much younger than you) who lie JUST to lie. There is no reason for it 90% of the time. You ask them hey did you remember to flush the toilet and wash your hands and they will give you a long and elaborate lie on using soap and hot water and yada yada.. but the toilet isn't flushed nor is the sink wet.... They wouldn't have gotten in trouble if they had been honest, they would just have to GO do it. So really, there is no point in lying. They LIE for the sake of lying.

These kids (IMHO) will NOT outgrow the lying because NO ONE (not their mom, grandmother, step-father or the rest of the family who is around the kids the most... they never stop them or work on correcting the issue.

Now some people might think it's not a big deal for them to lie about something small. And for most people it wouldn't be... but for these kids? it's a symptom of something off. And it DOES affect their lives drastically. Other kids don't want to stay friends with them, they get in trouble over LITTLE stuff, but most of all they DON'T seem to grasp that OWNING your actions is important AT ANY age. And they don't seem to think THEY do any "wrong".

To me, and to put it bluntly... these kids a fraked!

Make a challenge with yourself. Don't lie AT ALL for a day, then a week then a month.

Allow yourself to be YOU. Even if that YOU is boring or whatever from time to time. It's OK - we are ALL that here and there.

Once you can consistently stop lying (to EVERYONE) you can work on rebuilding trust with your BF. But a ring? It's not going to fix a darn thing for you. YOU have to do the work.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntWe all make mistakes, but we should not try and buy our forgiveness. If you are sorry then yes a kind gesture is nice, but are you sure he would even wear a ring? It would be a shame if you spent a lot of money on something that was not appreciated. Maybe you could write him a poem? The thing is it is better to write something from the heart than to ask a lot of strangers.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (28 October 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntA ring isn't a good idea, Hun - it's expensive, most boys don't wear rings (especially not from their girlfriend) and you probably won't be together in a few weeks/months/years (sorry, just being realistic), so you'd have wasted your money.

The best way to show someone you can be trusted is not to buy them something (money/gifts don't show how trustworthy you are), but to learn from your mistakes and not make them again.

Writing him an apology letter would be better than buying him something expensive.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (28 October 2016):

like I see it agony auntDid your boyfriend ask you for the ring as a sign of your intention to be honest with him going forward, or is it something you have taken it upon yourself to surprise him with? I ask because I don't know too many 13-15 year old boys who wear rings and I'd hate to see you spend that kind of money on something he might never wear for fear of scratching it during sports, etc.

I know you are wanting to fix things with him as quickly as possible, but showing him with actions that his trust is important to you is the only way to truly repair the broken trust. The gift is a nice gesture, as long as you don't give it with the expectation that all is instantly forgiven and forgotten on his end. Trust issues in a relationship can only be healed with time and good behavior from the person whose trustworthiness came into question. I'm afraid there isn't any shortcut for that.

As for the engraving, is there a particular word or phrase that holds special meaning for you two as a couple? If you decide the ring is something he'll like and enjoy wearing, I would choose that. Something that reminds you of the good memories you have shared as a couple, rather than the trust issues.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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A female reader, MartiJJ United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2016):

MartiJJ agony auntIf you have to ask, perhaps your not putting in enough effort to make up for all of your mistakes, whatever you have engraved should be personal and from the heart! NOT from someone else on a website!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2016):

"Trust in my love."

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