A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of seven years is seriously ill and this alone brings heartache because his life is inevitably shortened. I have offered him to move in with me but he likes to keep his own place and it does make financial matters easier to handle. However I think he may have another reason like a mistress or sex partner to keep him occupied when we are not together.Naturally he swears this is not the case but I dont expect many men are forthcoming about these clandestine liasons.To cut to the chase I expect a friend of mine may be involved simply from circumstantial evidence and a degree of blushing during conversation.I think she may even worry about her coming role at the inevitable funeral perhaps imagining that I will be there in starring role as bereaved partner.This couldnt be further from the truth.I abhor the idea of the funeral and dont intend to go.If she were honest at this point I would give him lock stock and barrel to her because there are times when I want to run as far as I possibly can from my life.I would prefer him to live, but so far he appears to have his mind made up.Of course I am not expecting to get the truth and I will always be left wondering if his illness affected our relationship because sometimes it just doesnt addTo all those mistresses desparate for starring roles at funerals I would like to say " you can keep your well chosen veils and clothes and glances, but not for my approval, because I will be conspicuous only by my absence'' If it is a corpse a Mistress wants to love then that is what you will get. Come clean, and then I will hand the living man to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2015): No we're not all terminal! You will see it as far away but on a day to day basis it becomes too stressful..and stress kills love.So sadly we split.But on the bright side he is still alive....
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 So what is your question?!?
You love a terminally ill guy, but you suspect him of cheating on you with a friend of yours?
Then this post went into creepy territory by saying you're not going to the funeral of the man you're supposed to love, referring to this guy as a "corpse", and talking about handing a "living guy" to his mistress??
If you know he's cheating on you, then leave him! The fact that he's terminally ill doesn't change his behavior! We *all* have a destiny with death. If he's cheating on you, then HE is making the decision to wreck his relationship with you. Why the whole monologue about corpses and funerals and starring roles??
There *IS* no "starring role" at a funeral! That's the part that kinda creeped me out the most. A funeral isn't some pageant. It's how the living remember lost loved ones. Nothing more, nothing less. I lost my father not too long ago, and at one point in the funeral, my brothers and I all held our mother because it all overwhelmed her, and eventually we were all hugging each other because it overwhelmed all of us. We were there for each other. There was no "starring role".
If you don't love the guy anymore, you leave. If he's a cheater, you leave him and you disown your disloyal friend for doing this behind your back. If your boyfriend did NOT cheat on you, then you say goodbye to him and remember him with love, either at a funeral, or a private burial, or you simply going to the place the two of you loved best and remembering him there.
And honestly, why are you so fixated on HER being honest, and why the "i'll give him to her lock, stock and barrel" speech? He isn't yours to give, and to be honest, if HE's in the committed relationship with you, all that matters is if HE is truthful. If you think so little of him now, then you leave for YOU and the two of them can live unhealthily ever after.
It almost sounds like you've already emotionally detached from him, which you'd have to if you're referring to him as a "corpse" and talking about just handing him off as if he were a Tupperware dish.
So what *is* your question?? Should you leave him? I say YES if he's a cheater! Terminally ill is irrelevant. We all are terminal. If he's a cheater, he made his choice. You should make the same decision as you would if he had no illness to contend with. He made the choice to cheat, not you.
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