A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't really know why I'm writing on here, maybe just to get some advice on how to deal with it.Me and this man were good friends for 5 years. We met through mutual friends and hit it off straight away but were both in relationships and were only ever friends. We socialised together, talked to one another about everything, we really were the best of friends. Eventually our relationships both broke down and just over a year ago he told me he'd developed feelings for me. He said he had always known deep down that there was something more there. I was genuinely taken aback because I really had no idea he felt like that, I certainly hadn't!!We spent as much time together as we always had and before long my feelings grew. We eventually got together and all our friends and families were ecstatic! We had an amazing first 6 months - I mean it doesn't get much better than being in a relationship with someone you know inside out who's been your best friend for 5 years right? But then things changed. He started becoming controlling, possessive and spiteful. Absolutely nothing like the person I'd known all this time. I then found out he'd been meeting a woman. He begged for forgiveness and begged me not to throw it away, saying he'd waited 5 years to get me and couldn't be happier than he was and it was a stupid mistake. I forgave him. The final straw was this weekend when I said I was seeing some friends Friday night, the jealousy kicked in and he shouted and screamed at me, before smashing some things in my house and eventually throwing me to the floor.The relationship is over, my decision, and I know for certain I will never change my mind on this.I just don't understand why. I've been in pieces all over the weekend wondering how the wonderful man I've been so close to for the past 5 years of my life has suddenly become a stranger. I got to know his previous girlfriend and am still in touch with her, I know he never treated her like this. I don't understand why this has happened. I'm not a hot headed person and don't like anything like that so always try to diffuse the situation. I'm not missing the relationship but I a missing my friend. Why has this happened and how can I move on from it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 I would say this man suffers from a Bipolar disorder. His behaviour reminds us the one of the dear Phil Spector, sometimes charming, sweet and clever, sometimes furious and threatfull.
If it's over, very well for you because this sort of sickness is very hard to live with. Poor you, but maybe poor him too.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 December 2013):
 You know that "beast" you met after 6 months of dating is WHO he is. As a friend the "beast" was easy to hide because you were both in other relationships, so showing you his good side wasn't at all hard.
Now here is the thing, if he had waited 5 YEARS to be with you why would he cheat? It makes no sense, it's not logical at all. Unless he sabotaged the relationship on purpose. He had put you SO far up a pedestal that when you two got together it was only a matter of time before he would tear you down. Either because HE felt you didn't live up to this "princess on the pedestal" or because he simply didn't think he was worthy.
Could be stress, could be mental disease. The possibilities are endless.
The controlling behavior is most likely because he felt, if HE could cheat so would you.
You say he NEVER did what he did you to, to his EX. Honestly you can't be 100% sure. MANY woman who are in abusive situations don't tell others, because they know that people will BLAME them too. Blame them for not walking away. So don't be so sure about that. Once they get away from the guy they are only to "glad" to forget about it. And on the other hand he might NOT have treated her that way.
It ISN'T about you. YOU didn't MAKE him act that way.
And how can you move on? By accepting that YOU aren't to blame for this. That YOU can't fix him. And then you need to think back and see if there were any other red flags, LEARN to recognize these red flags.
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