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The man who was my companion contacts me through my daughter after 2 years!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 April 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 April 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello peeps

I have a question that I'd like your honest opinions about - please...?

I met this lovely, magic but crazy guy in 2016. We clicked. It was very strong whilst it lasted. But he liked his drink and we both got drunk a lot and that was the basis of our on and off 3 months together. I don't want and didn't want to build a relationship off of that and that scared him. We both were seeing other people and there were a few lies he told me (I was honest at all times - mostly!)!

I really liked him and still think about him every day since we finished. The way we finished was quite incredible... But there WAS a lot of lying from him, but it somehow did not deter from the very strong connection we had somehow (maybe I was duped?)... It was a deep place we went too and our star burnt out quick (that bxxxard why do I miss him still?) I have not been able to trust a man since or even wanted to care for one since because he meant a lot to me. I know he has thought about me over the 2 years most every day too and just recently really a lot. I can smell him and feel him and have had to ignore and think that's just me being silly, but it's not and I know it isn't really, because I know he's around.

My daughter contacted me today and said that he's contacted her through Facebook a few times over the 2 weeks, he must have searched high and low for her, because he didn't know too much about her, anyway, this is how long I've been really feeling his spirit. He asked how I am! he's being quite persistent, even now I can feel and smell him. I keep getting the message "What God has brought together, let no man tear apart" and we tore eachother apart, but I feel that he did especially. he really is quite the meany - peeps!

Hmmmmm. I'm in a quandry!

I miss him and there was a sweetness and an innocence that I adored about him, but he was most devilish at most times and that's the bit that pains me so :(

he likes/d woman, drugs, drink and whatever else. But he also liked me so much that he hated me and wanted me dead in the end and it was just one big messy game somehow. I - in turn - feel and felt the same about him. This has confused me because he was very special to me. It wasn't all bad, but it was getting that way and I don't like bad things in me or anyone and he doesn't seem to like good things. (It makes sense to me?!)

Anyway blah blah blah.

What do ya think?

Thankyou guys :)

View related questions: drugs, drunk, facebook

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018):

he's not nice. And doesn't want to be. You know that!

Good luck

Zara

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2018):

Im already over it! he won't drag me down ;)

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom + , writes (15 April 2018):

02DuszJ agony auntSorry if I sounded harsh everyone acts/thinks recklessly when there's strong feelings involved. Just thought he seemed like the type to go crazy on you or use your daughter as leverage. People that have substance abuse issues don't even know what they're capable of.. they get to the point where they don't know where they are/ what they're doing. I'm a pretty caring person but alcohol does NOT agree with me. I can have a few but after a certain amount it makes me into a monster.

I'm glad you've seen sense and feel better about stuff, and that you found comfort in our advice! The amount of people that clearly just ignore what they don't want to hear on this site..mainly young silly naive girls. It won't be easy getting over him but listen to your head, not heart he'll drag you down. Take care x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2018):

Hello you lovely people. Your words are wise. I hope you read this.

I Thankyou so much for your sound advice. I cried. You are absolutely right, I'm being a silly brain. I would be able to see how you saw (I think) if it wasn't me posting my desperate story and it was someone else. Yesterday I got caught up in the panic and mess of the moment and couldn't see clearly. I woke up this morning and couldn't see clearly, i exorcised some demons who I guess are just testing my fortitude, I couldn't see clearly. I read your wise words (they spoke to my soul) and the skin has fallen from my eyes, I see clearly. Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou... I am a (grown) woman who loves God very much and chooses that path, so yes, sometimes it does get lonely and I get tested (there's no other word)

I wish you well and keep the good work up.

Love from Zara

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom + , writes (15 April 2018):

02DuszJ agony auntBy your own admission he's not a normal guy who behaves NORMALLY.. searching for your DAUGHTER high and low is crazy intense! Bordering on stalkish. You know how many people are on facebook..

You say he's crazy.. crazy people are INTENSE. Seems like he doesn't do things by halves drunk, drugs etc. One minute he wants you dead next minutes he's hounding your DAUGHTER obsessively..

So yes it would have been intense and different.. but whatever you had with him is irrelevant- hes a whack ball and if you get on the wrong side of him this time he might go on a drug bender get out of his mind and put burning shit thorough your letterbox.. or go after your daughter..

You can't predict the actions of someone that has that many issues ESPECIALLY when they have substance abuse issues!

Sorry but your post sounds like that of a 25 year old. You're old enough to know better than going sticking your head in an oven, especially now that he could probably track down your daughter and she would be involved in this shitstorm.

Protect yourself and your daughter! Send him a polite message saying that you're not ready to talk to him, and make sure your daughter keeps my messages he sends her. Obv Keep any threatening messages in case you need a restraining order against him. Good luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhat do I think?

I think you need to get a grip. And I mean that in the NICEST way possible.

You are coming up with all these "Pseudo science" reasons that he and you are meant to be together, because ? You are lonely? You don't want to put the effort into finding a man again?

But deep down you KNOW this man and you together was toxic and that was only a 3 months "relationship". How BAD do you think a longer one with him would be?

Tell your daughter to block him.

LET go of all these inane fantasies. IF you REALLY want a man in your life DO NOT go backwards and dig through the trash to pull out a guy who CLEARLY was NOT a good fit.

When someone says this about their ex... they should NOT want to do that stuff again!!

I will quote you:

"But he also liked me so much that he hated me and wanted me dead in the end and it was just one big messy game somehow."

He wanted you dead? How is that... in any way shape or form a thing you'd want in a partner?

I think you are VERY much mistaken "psycho match" with passion.

Accept that ending it with him was the BEST think you could do FOR you, and for him.

If you are feeling lonely maybe it's time to go out and meet new people. Try new things.

Don't go back to something that DID NOT work, something that was toxic and sick.

Because he hasn't changed in two years and YOU probably haven't really changed much either... so it will be the same shit over again but the outcome might not be as "good" as they wee when you two broke up. The guy is obviously not a healthy person.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (15 April 2018):

Come-down off cloud-nine, woman! This is something you should be warning your daughter about, not the one going down the path to destruction!

Key-points and red-flags that should set-off loud sirens:

"But there WAS a lot of lying from him, but it somehow did not deter from the very strong connection we had somehow (maybe I was duped?)... It was a deep place we went too and our star burnt out quick (that bxxxard why do I miss him still?)"

"he likes/d woman, drugs, drink and whatever else. But he also liked me so much that he hated me and wanted me dead in the end and it was just one big messy game somehow."

" But he liked his drink and we both got drunk a lot and that was the basis of our on and off 3 months together."

This is like running down the tracks towards an oncoming train!

You will be bringing drama and destruction into your life. You were, perhaps still are, a lonely woman. So you have lowered your standards and values to accommodate what amounts to a piece of shit for man. He will drag you down with drugs and drinking and turn your life into crap. If your self-esteem took a dip in the past two-years; he would be the worst thing to happen to you. That is the only reason I can see that you could want such trouble in your life.

You are far too mature for this kind of mistake! It's more like something you'd be warning your daughter about!

Step-off the tracks before the train hits you!!! All that nonsense described about all that lovey-dovey stuff you piled-on in the first few paragraphs is loneliness and desperation talking. Overriding your common-sense; because you miss the good-stuff. Never-mind the dump truck full of manure that comes with it.

Sorry, if I seem so harsh. Just trying to snap you out of it.

Wave bye-bye from a distance! Don't let him close enough to ruin your life. You know better, and you're still setting an example for your daughter. Even if she's an adult, you're the older and wiser one. She should know her mother is wise and dignified. Not so desperate to have a man; she'd lower her standards. Even when she knows she'd be stepping in a smoking-pile of doggy poo to be with him.

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