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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Im so scared to loose again. I found a man who is nine years younger than I am. I am divorced with one child. He never been married and no kids. However he is of another religion. I am afraid of loosing him because of it. A lot of elder females from his congregation advise him to choose a woman from the group. He saids all of them are older and does not attract him. Today I saw two young gals giving out fliers of his same religion. I immediately felt insecurity because ive been feeling him distant. He gives me mixed messages that I don't understand. The thought of this not working out breaks me apart. Im a very lonely woman and have suffered a lot of heart breaks. How do I approach him about this without looking insecure? Sometimes I think about breaking it off before he does. This is depressing me. Am I making a mountain out of mohairs? Or should I just break it off?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 Your Bf is sitting on the fence and tryng to keep everybody happy without having to make a choice- he is tryng to have his cake and eat it too. Yes he is not supposed to have sex before his wedding- but as for that, he is not even supposed to kiss you passionately ! Or, actually, he is not even supposed to date, unless with the specific view and intent of getting married . So by hanging out with you and kissing you and all, he's already pushing the envelope- it sounds that he figured that he can break the rules that much which would allow him to just get his knuckles rapped if he gets found out, without really landing himself into big big trouble with his congregation and family.
If he does announce officially your engagement ( and, by his religion's standards, he'd have no other business than that for hanging out with you one on one ) he can very possibly get into big big trouble. Will he have the guts to do it ? And when ?....
This is a question that we can't really answer for you, not knowing his personality, his level of religious zeal, ... and how much in love he is with you ( which should be :crazily, for him to take this step ). Tbh, the odds are definitely against you .
P.S. @ the Church of Scotland poster : there's elders...and then there's other elders :) I am very familiar with the Presbyterian Church of Scotland in Rome - I have contributed to, and attended, their fundraisers for years, precisely due to being good friend and colleague with an elder. I must say that I can't picture for the life of me, my friend, nor the Reverend, giving out flyers to passers by in the streets, or butting into people's business and telling them , unrequested, who they should date or marry; or playing matchmaker within the congregation; or in any other way shape or form shoving THEIR religion down the throat of non- C. of S.
It may be that this soft approach was simply due to being a vary small minority in a mostly Catholic country- but let me keep my illusions and think it comes from a spirit of tolerance,respect and wisdom which seeks for what unites, not what divides.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 I have a good friend who is a former JW. Her advice.. RUN. RUN NOW, RUN FAR....
Yes, there are some cases of interfaith marriages working, but in cases where one or both partners are strong in their beliefs and faith and are active in their religion it rarely works out....
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): I think you should let it go; he doesn't seem as invested as he'd need to be to give up everything and I think you'll just get hurt more if you wait longer.Find someone of your religion or beliefs and stop worrying so much about the future, just take this slowly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, he is a JW. He told me a woman (who wanted to date him already being Married) menaced on telling an elder. He told her to stay away from his business because he planned on staying with me. I don't know where there is going to end up. Another thing is that I have to wait for sex till marriage. I am divorced and cringe at the thought of getting married again. He is extremely sexy and we kiss a lot. I don't know how much more I can hold on. This worries him. He constantly tells me not to cheat on him. Just because he turns me on, he believes I might run to another man to get my freak on. I often stand back and he tells me that I am proving myself uninterested. Don't know what to do with him. Should I just go by the flow to see what happens? or pretend as if all this is not bothersome? I REALLY want to be with him so bad. But I am afraid that I might fail just as I did on my last marriage. Sometimes, I seek for answers on how to be a good wife. I'll appreciate any recommendations being that I didn't live up to it the last time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): The fact their is elders in his church does not suggest Jehovah witness, As I am a Christian of the protestant church of Scotland and we have elders who are there to advises. I would also mention we are taught that we should not have a romantic relationship with a non-christian, for many reasons, For starters do you accept that God and his commitments to God comes first? 2nd that he under no circumstance should sleep with you before marriage? Just to think about, What do u have in common with him? What interests do u have together? Or are you clinging on to him because you feel lonely? Sorry but if he is strong in his faith and is Christian he can't marry you if your not a christian. The Bible teaches us that, Ephesians 5,21-33.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 March 2014):
No, you are not making a mountain of a molehill. Particularly if he is given you mixed messages and he is not saying loud and clear ( to you, but to his congregation too ) " I have chosen and religion won't come between me and my love ".
It would depend from how staunch a believer he is - and from what religion too.
I think it's normal that all religions advise same faith marriages, and are wary of interfaith ones. Just, some religions are more accepting and tolerant of interfaith relationships, and some are totally NOT.
The mention of " elders " and " giving away flyers " makes me think of Jehova's Witnesses , is he one ? In this case, sorry but you are wasting your time. He can't be with you, come and live with you etc. All his friends and relatives would shun him and literally stop talking to him, he stands to lose his whole life as he knows it for the love of you. That's a whole lot to ask to any man, and although there are , and always there will be , brave people who defend their love at all costs - your bf does not act like he could be one of them- and honestly it's hard to blame him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): You deserve a great guy who loves you for you, you are still young - many people wait until their thirties to settle down. I think you both need to have atalk - I've heard of lots of people with different religions settling down. For instance I heard of a Jewish and Christian couple bringing up a child, they celebrated Hannukah (sp?) But gave the child Christmas stockings so she wouldn't feel left out compared to her friends.
If you really love each other you could overcome this. You both need to have a talk and see how committed you are to the relationship and how much you want it. Decide to either both give it your all, or to break off from here.
either way, you are a strong independant woman, don't let a man define you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Break it off.Reading your post,its never going to work.Make a clean break
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