A
female
age
30-35,
*nniemousie
writes:I started hanging out with this guy late October/early November, and over time I started liking him and the feelings were mutual (or so it seemed). We got really close and it seemed like we'd be official any day now.Anyways, 2 days ago I was using his laptop when i accidentally came across a bunch of messages between him and my friend D (probably more like acquaintance- we hang out in the same circles and talk and stuff but we're not close). The messages were extremely flirty on his part, and he was telling her things he never even told me. The last of the messages was sent on the 4th of December but I think it continued elsewhere.I was really hurt, because at the same time he was also talking to me and making it seem like he was really interested in me. He made me fall for him while he was busy chatting up my friend.Thing is, during this period I did notice that he was getting really distant and I had a feeling that there was something going on between him and another friend of mine, G. I was once hanging out with her, and I saw that he kept texting her but I didn't get a single text from him. She also kept on asking me (endlessly) if there was anything going on between us- I told her we were hanging out and it wasn't anything serious (because that was the truth at the time) but it was obvious to anyone with half an eye that I liked him.yesterday, I confronted him and asked what was going on between him and D and he laughed and said 'nothing'. I told him to be honest with me and he was like they were talking but not anymore. In his own words, he was being wild and selfish and he was talking to a whole bunch of girls (D, G, and a couple of girls I didn't know, even my best friend A), but he stopped talking to them mid-December and started taking me seriously. I asked him how many girls he made out with and after a while he was like 3 (well 4, including my best friend who I already knew about. he kissed her before me but that's another story). He wouldn't tell me names, but later he said it was G and 2 other girls I don't know personally but I've seen/heard about. He said he didn't kiss D because he didn't want her to get too attached -_-Right before we met, he had just broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years, and he said he wasn't trying to justify his behavior but he was "on a rampage" and having as much fun as he could without getting tied down. which is fine, but I only wish he didn't play with my feelings in the process.I couldn't help but cry because it's bad enough that he was talking to/making out with other girls, but then my friends?? and then stringing me along and making me feel like he really liked me... like how messed up is that? He said he wasn't sure I really liked him till right before Christmas, and that he was sorry, not just because I found out but that it ever happened... that I'm the only one he's still talking to; that he really likes me and he's "getting addicted" to me; that he's trying everyday to get better for me but he still needs time...I don't even know. In the past month we HAVE gotten considerably closer, and I was starting to feel secure in our "relationship". and then this happened... and I can't help but question everything. I do like him still, and he seems truly remorseful and sincere, but I can't get over what he did, not just yet. What do I do? I need your advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): i hate to say that i really don't think this guy did anything wrong, but i honestly don't. he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and told you he wasn't looking for anything serious. he was just wanting to go out and have fun with with as many women as possible, to get his mind off of things, and it sounds like he was completely honest with you about not wanting the commitment. unfortunately, you did want the commitment, so you chose to do what a lot of women have a tendency to do, and assume you can change his mind. yes, he may have spent a lot of time with you and given you the wrong impression, but he did tell you the truth about what he was after, and you choose to ignore it.
it is somewhat crappy that he talked to your best friends, but really, that sounds like an issue you should take up with your friends, not him. y'all should have been more respectful of each other and not done that behind each others backs. hold each other accountable.
so with all that being said, what he did before he was committed to you, is nothing but his business. maybe now, it's been a few months, and he's gotten his rebounding out of his system, and he's decided he wants to settle down with you. now it's up to you to decide if you're interested in the same.
A
female
reader, anniemousie +, writes (21 January 2013):
anniemousie is verified as being by the original poster of the question@iAmHereToHelpYou he told me that yesterday, when I confronted him. if he'd said that from the start I wouldn't have bothered with him
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 January 2013):
It doesn't sound like you were exclusive so I don't think what he did was wrong. You need to learn a lesson here. Unless it's specifically stated that you're exclusive the other person may be dating other people. They may assume you're doing the same.
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